The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

Friday, January 20, 2012

Crazy life - so perfect

Yes.  Beautiful. Twisted. Sad. Happy. Seen. Heard. Tasted. Felt. Written. All together - perfectly crazy.

There is something soothing after a huge ripple in my week.  Well, one that felt like a flipping title wave no kidding, no matter how heated it got, no matter how mad or sad I became at a situation nor how much I've cried, my week ends on the same note but the feeling somehow uplifted.  Thank gawd!

After numerous quick conversations today my heart began feeling lighter after the crazy morning & week.  Revealing something so personal & sharing with another female today summarizing my few past years left me so empowered and filled with decisions I simply must do.  Do not neglect yourself.  You come first!

We question how normal we are and others too how they act, if this or that is normal - but we are all human.    Let's face it.  My normal, is totally not your normal, and your normal could be the best or totally blah.

Decisions we make have to be the best ones for us & we can't always look at others and how it affects them.  In the end, we do what is right for us & we have to.  Considering all respectable levels of discipline and conduct.  Sometimes people make decisions for us and even if we don't know it or question it - why, don't understand it, it remains to be a leap of faith that the path is ours and we have to walk it.  Alone.  Even if a decision was made for you & forced you to alter a path, it is really not that bad.  That's life.  I believe the good Lord knows best and leave it up to fate.

The clinical definition of ultimate high/lows is bi-polar perhaps when the norm takes a turn and twist into the dips of abnormal highs and lows & uncontrollable rage surfaces from that and I've seen a share in my life from people that I have no control over if they are or are not in my life.  Knowing who you are and how you handle yourself is all you can rely on at the end of the day.  People aren't crazy.  Life is.  Even if the people in it appear crazy or totally uncontrollable & spiteful, it's the life.

Today, finally I've come to terms with few issues that have felt like a giant elephant sitting on my chest & had to deal with, where people in my life are concerned.  Family, friends it's all the same.  I feel so much lighter.

Their shit, is their shit.  There is no sugar coating it.  My shit is mine and why mix it up.  That would be pretty shitty!  I know what's best for me and that's all that matters.

Seeking inner peace is what does it for me, sharing, talking with someone who can perhaps understand your situation and empathize.  Then there is the nature.  LOVE the nature and connecting to it.  It revives me.

There are also my friends.  God bless ya!!  Those of course entitled to that crown.  There are some very good listeners out there among my friends.  Thank you for being what a friend is suppose to be and believing in me.

Crazy as it is and sounds...... life is perfect because of imperfections.  Period!  It would be boring otherwise.   I accept that much.  I'll take my crazy, roller-coaster, insane, spontaneous life over a boring life any day.  With all that is thrown at me.  I never say NO!

Thank goodness I can see it, heart it, taste it, smell it and feel it.  I must be crazy!  Are you?


No comments: