The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Forget-me-not

Bluish are the petals of this bloom
Growing beautifully near my grave
I am unable to touch or smell it
Buried below the soil like a slave
Six feet under dirt yet without pain
Unable to hear the droplets of rain
In silence and blind absolute dark
Lost sanity long ago, it went insane
Forget-me-not and come by to visit
Bringing these small flowers of joy
Invite your daughter for me to see
And do not forget to bring her boy
You may or may not understand this
Reading my few lines oddly composed
Probing how this poem was written
Perhaps you are even a bit repulsed
I write with the eyes of the departed
From another world labelled for dead
Below the surface of our subsistence
In dust and ashes of their wood bed
Nor dead or alive yet somehow living
Co-existence of a soul we cannot see
Hoping we catch a glimpse and wave
To the now deceased of you and me
Mothers, fathers children and soldiers
All who lived, loved and even fought
For better, worse or peace of mankind
Forget-me-not in your silent thought

Anger,

Hidden within resides the beast
Lurking behind rosy tinted glass
A second remains for it to feast
On anything but emerald grass
Devouring the flesh and mind
And each single ounce of sanity
His roaring sounds boom unkind
Pitilessly surfacing in unreality
Shameful of the work he hides
For a while till again one day
The smile of disgrace unwinds
Running wild over without obey
Razor collar around his neck
Does not control the libel acts
Causing scars and pain to wreck
Respect for self it mostly lacks
Punching, shouting heeding pain
Without gentle hand for another
Anger masked without restrain
Deprived of love from his mother
Psychosis surrenders at his feet
Locking him up again for years
Destiny of terror he must meet
As his love cloaks in silent tears
Submitted resolution upon arrest
Cries within the walls of his crate
Striving to be other then best
It settles to feed on his met fate
Decades have passed since I saw
Father's feral beast face to face
His hate and shame in utmost raw
Sadly too resides in my radiant lace

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Red Door,

Breathing life is this being
Loudly dynamic and seeing
And even if now not fearing
Fully terrified is the core

Thoughts of peace do coexist
On the vacant never-ending list
While fading amid in the mist
Since walking through the door

Extending and always so giving
Naively jaded yet kindly forgiving
Is the density of this called living
Desiring happiness endlessly more

Faithfully labelled she is a mother
And although never looking for another
Barbed thoughts do sometimes scatter
Hearing calls of dying in the obscurity

While amiss is the irresolute feeling
Inhaling the stench of rot so chilling
Behind closed doors to open unwilling
Forever seeking some sort of security

Modestly sprucing up the doors red paint
Even though the fumes do cause her faint
As the emerging warrior repels its taint
Unloaded are the riches to a local charity

Authority tactfully invaded of the role
As she wins the resigned votes in the poll
Wanting desperately again to feel whole
Still needing, hungry, craving and lusting

This sentiment is not at all welcomed here
Still it lurks silently uncomfortably near
With absolute awareness of the shadow fear
It demands, defiantly wanting the trusting

Walk of life has no bearing on this feeling
Identified simply as the needless fearing
And with facing-off fear to win the starring
Door opens at last with compulsory existing

At last walking proudly through this red door
Believing one day to be worth much more
Nothing like a hiding and shameful whore
Her power of will keeps on boldly persisting

Monday, October 27, 2008

How debts affect your emotional well-being

Bills, bills and more bills, not to mention the calls from the agencies hassling you day and night about forgetting to pay your bill this month. Before you know it you're fighting with your spouse, the kids are crying and you're packing your bags leaving to stay with your mother.

It is not easy to feel the daily stress of being in a debt. It has been proven that high amounts of stress cause our body, mind and spirit to feel unwell while virtually killing us at a faster rate. The health issues are on the rise each year as the current tough economy and rising costs of living seem to be leading us to increasing debt stress.

According to an index tied to the AP-AOL survey, stress is on the rise by 14 percent this year than in 2004.

The people reporting high debt stress in the poll are:
27 percent of people had ulcers or digestive tract problems compared to those at 8 percent with low levels of debt stress.
44 percent had headaches and migraines, compared with the 15 percent with low stress.
23 - 29 percent suffered severe depression and anxiety, compared with 4 percent with low stress levels.
6 percent reported heart attacks, which is double the rate for those with low stress.
And more then half at 51 percent had muscle tensions including lower back pain, compare to the 31 percent with lower stress levels.

Our lives are virtually turned upside down when it comes to the results stress causes. It is not surprising the levels of foreclosures and financial bankruptcy have gone up, but also family issues with counselling and divorce levels on the rise as well. All these issues are due to stress and lack of ability to maintain our bodies calm and stress free.

Medical research studies suggest that most of these symptoms reported in the poll are in fact typical of chronic stress. Our bodies, magnificently as they are built, react releasing adrenaline called Cortisol from the adrenal gland that is often referred to as the stress hormone. It increases the blood pressure and blood sugar while it reduces the body's immune responses.

Adrenaline helps you react fast in a needed emergency, however if the body stays in this high gear for too long, those chemicals can cause physical havoc on numerous systems in the human body. Everything from blood pressure rising to dangerous levels, unstable heart rates and palpitations, memory loss, mood, digestion and even our immune systems are all affected.

Credit cards, car loans, mortgages and student loans cause such havoc on our lives. So how do we reduce stress while being in a debt? Studies suggest that exercising minimum of 3 times per week can reduce stress levels. There are many forms of exercise such as running, hiking, mountain climbing, taking walks, riding your bicycle and even taking a one hour yoga class to teach you some breathing and relaxation techniques, while listening to music also reduces stress.

Every little bit that we can do to help our bodies reduce stress counts for something. The debts are something we have to live with, so why fight it. Learning how to deal with stress and reducing it, is something we have in our power. In the end, not only we will live a happier more enjoyable life in a healthy body, but also increase our longevity.

Debt stress does not have to be a winner in the end. Three months ago my husband lost his job. I had no clue what was going to happen and how long he was going to be unemployed. Between our mortgage, car loan, huge house tax and credit card bills we barely had much left for food.

One thing I knew for sure was that I wasn't going to let this affect our marriage. We talked about our feelings almost daily and some days were easier then others. Having two small children, we explained to them about going places for a while will have to be put on hold. There were few juicy days of fiery fury I have to say and even though it was very tough and we got behind on so many bills, we made it through.

Within 2 weeks of his job loss, we both started exercising and even purchased bicycles with our credit card. We took more evening walks for fresh air and to clear the mind. And while it may have not been that wise to increase our credit card bill, we even went camping for a total of 4 weeks this summer. It took my husband three months to find employment and while giving us the ability to deal with our debt issues together, we have learned a lot about each other and ourselves. Three months later we are not only fit but also much happier and healthier. And, even though we are still in debt our stress is not as bad as it used to be prior to his job loss.

Friday, October 24, 2008

I must write

Despite judgements I sometimes get
My mind is forever clearly set
To write my thoughts with no worry
Peacefully constructed there is no hurry
As I catch a glimpse of fearless furry
To the last drop of my sweat
Rejuvenating is my bet
I surrender albeit

I win over and over with no set place
This never-ending blissful race
Of words strung gently on razor wires
Like gemstones glowing inside the fires
Priceless diamonds, rubies and sapphires
Of the greatest value are my words
As I whisper new rhymes
In daily chords

The cover of novelist been long time blown
I write for entertainment purely own
Though some think I am a fresh conscript
Living in-between this vast imagination rift
With fire I write, passion ever so swift
Pure and meaningful are my lyrics
With no attention paid
To belittling critics

Messages constructed are daily written
As I sit to write entirely smitten
Relaxed by the fire and chestnuts roasting
With another new poem so proudly boasting
And with delicious red wine for toasting
I celebrate my gift with pride
Amongst this talent so vast
With others by my side

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Lust

Craving the taste of the divine
Just a sip of red ruby wine to feel it is mine
This welcomed feeling

And while lusting the whole eternity
For a glimpse of reality in this significant identity
Labelled as human

Forever the mistakes we make
And devour the entire cake with care and fashion we bake
We are such stylish pigs

With vast digs into the mysterious
Unsatisfied yet always curious with libel making us so furious
As we continue to trust our lust

Stepping outside ourselves in the final end
No longer needing to pretend yet still counting the grains of sand
With driven need for greed

Then only then we find the truth behind the lust
The lust we solemnly trust like eating the crunchy mouth-watering crust
On a fresh baked loaf

Food for thought as we continue to yearn
With the absolute drive of incomprehensible desire and burn
We are more then human

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hidden Truth

Truth without stinting flows
In gusting bellows while it snows
Of the chilling season that yearly grows

On the vast oceans where knowledge is gained
Silently every year this vessel is sailed
Where overt reality lays unveiled

And sad are these masked lonely sailors
Like camouflaged ballerinas clad for tailors
Concealing their vast abilities and responsibilities
Under the bare cosmic stars we hide our obvious scars
Clandestinely dancing in blackness wanting light
Where resonance lays unspoken yet white

Albeit borrowed are these simple ripe words
Intensely sung in delicately constructed chords
Of the angelic choir hiding behind only human attire

When performing acts measured by lucid mind
That forever chooses to be noble and kind
Hidden is the truth only to the blind

We do waste our intellect so deeply bright
As we secretly screen our stains in radiant light
Whilst rumbling darkening skies and pollution of lies

Forcing our incandescent lights to become faded
And perish amongst society so easily jaded
With our bodies so hollowly invaded

Always fighting, defeating and running
Hurting and stabbing with words so cunning
Fearing to surface our truth as this is totally banning

Programmed we lust delusion of needless cash
Burying to hide in decays of world trash
Only garbage and waste we stash

Within this, the toxic noise of pollutions
In manifested outcomes within icy conclusions
Each and every one projecting their very own illusions

Lays but us, we reside in reality shamefully ridden
Where omitted peace and facts are forbidden
And concealed truth is so deeply hidden

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Unspoken

Where am I?
Why the darkness?
Who is there?
In my unbroken tear
Silence is near
The undeclared
Of my dying fear
Hush hurry
Do not even breathe
They will hear
My terror frozen to core
Staring at the squeaky door
Hearing the unspoken creak
While my silence is bleak
Eyes wide opened to see
Wishing I could be me
Though nothing
I am aware, always obedient
Yet silence so resident
Observing the unspoken sounds
In the shapes of clouds
Existence anything but boring
Floating above high, soaring
Through birds and stars
Vanishing are my scars
Unspoken is the fear
I cannot see yet feel near
Reaching for my hand
As I solemnly apprehend
Suddenly bright overt flashes
Brilliance in an instance
No longer silent fear
But defiant persistence
The unspoken unveiled
At last clear is the fear I felt
Not at all ever mine
Although conversely human line
Perpetual is the unspoken silence
Uninterrupted and absolute
Where still calmness is in the sphere
And no one ever feels the fear
Where am I now?
Why the light?
Who is in the flight?

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

My Star

Do not be fooled by the stone you see
Saddened, whimpering and missing me
As it does not mean I am far from sight
It is a stamped ticket to my galactic flight
Few words would do whom I am about
Loving, creating and sure know my pout
My star engraved for our children to reach
As learning from you what I did not teach
Though facet of time is beyond your bend
I see you standing now as I did back then
Even if bodily I cannot be touched and felt
Live with the aces darling that I was dealt
A poker face I no longer have or need
Amity and love with no chance to bleed
Heat blankets me within a glorious light
Only bones lay beneath this stone cold site

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Bored

Frozen eminence as staring
Not a fret or single bearing
As I whisper while moored
Boy oh boy am I bored?

Rainbow colour entices me
Though ideas quickly flee
While again I stand in chill
Amid boredom with a quill

Jabbing at it, for it to pierce
The mood that can be fierce
Dusting boredom at my will
Clearing paths for novel frill

Nah fool, never I am bored
Copious things vastly cord
In my life so full of passion
I dress boredom into fashion

Monday, October 6, 2008

Crying


You stand there silent in your poise

Through I hear you softly crying

Not a whisper muttered in your voice

I surely feel you slowly dying

Let out your pain and heed my calls

Do not decay in your despair

Climb if you must or tear down walls

Life still perseveres being fair

Cry if you must and release the beast

Locked up he has been for years

Take a leap of faith and join the feast

Even if eyes are full of tears

Here I am reaching for you once more

Credulous you will take my hand

Wiping your tears from behind the door

And sewing holes for your mend

Friday, October 3, 2008

Letter from GOD

When the wind blows gently on your face
It is my breath you inhale to live
As moments of need emerge for embrace
Both hands to you I always give

Empower your self with faith and trust
Smite the need for hate and greed
Amongst all the bounty restrain your lust
Life is fashioned to flee and bleed

Alongside your journey I guide and stay
Beginning the instance you arrive
Hearing your whispers of your quiet pray
Thanking me for, you are alive

Awake my child and live for right now
As tomorrow is purely a surprise
Your questions of where, why and how
Will unveil at your last sunrise

Your beaming light within will never pale
Even though your strength may seem
And while reminiscing your transience tale
You solely judge of what you deem

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ballerina

She twirled and turned with the most magical glow,
while I anticipated few falls and for her to go slow.

However, to my amazement and even surprise,
dancing melody bedazzled and sparkled in her eyes.

Those pigtails fancied with silky ribbons in pink,
as giving her a smile with a nudge and a wink.

Her qualities were evident in a playful small crowd,
tiny brave two year old who made mother so proud.

Rehearsing weekly for her vast goals to achieve,
ballerina star to be at this young age so naive.

Stitched were the florets in her embellished dress,
silver threads embroidered on each crinoline press.

Twirling, skipping, being the star of the show,
her face was so lit in an untainted beaming glow.

My quiet tears I wiped as I watched her on stage,
as she danced free as a bird that just left its cage.

Then as a trophy was given to keep for all times,
I memorize and savoured her priceless few lines.

I smiled with joy while my heart was on fire,
my little ballerina was a show star to admire.

Although an hour has passed and is gone from sight,
she continues to soar during her journey of flight.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Life Inevitable

Sitting on my porch while counting tiny glow bugs
As they twinkle in an enchanted illuminated dance
Dazzling as they are, I grasp this unavoidable life
While I inhale my days not so purely out of chance

This quirky and vast universe smiles daily upon me
Throwing me surprises to each new party-day of life
Butterflies, June bugs and even moonlight kisses
Fantastic as they are, inevitably in joy and strife

Scale of existence stabilizes and then tips its weights
Just as the perishing crops for farmers hardest work
From the life of a newborn colt in a rising morning
To the mother receiving quintuplets from the stork

Never-ending is the cycle of this extraordinary life
In the rejuvenating droplet of the dews final drop
So precise yet unpredictable and beautifully perfect
Even if rotten were the fruits of the farmers crop

Certainly untamed are the events of the life ahead
As we hunger, lust, achieve and cultivate as host
Manifesting our providence in this cosmic journey
And with absolute vulnerability, we achieve the most