The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

Friday, January 27, 2012

Hello Earthlings

Credit: NASA/NOAA/GSFC/Suomi NPP/VIIRS/Norman Kuring

While I can totally assure you I am a human, many times I've questioned my origin.  With all this extraterrestrial influence according to the multiple shows and documentaries on television, one has to wonder.  These drawings of the alien influence according to dating thousands of years back has over 75% of humans questioning the same thing.  Are we alone?

We are all human and all equal.  Or are we?   I'm sharing my experience of what I believe was an invader right here on Earth in my story below.

I'd like to believe that we all stem from the same DNA and evolve according to our upbringing, principals and morals instilled into us as we grow up to become adults. 

With all my life's hardships and obstacles I've never questioned certain things about myself until the last decade of my 39 years on Earth.  Who am I?

On the outside I am a female, still fairly young approaching mid-life, tall, slender, brown eyes with brown hair, pretty much an ordinary average human.   I am friendly and approachable.  I've managed to accept the fact I am an Empath and my story can be read in the link.

The inside is something people cannot see.  Your soul, compassion, tenderness and even anger.  People don't see the inside of people because they are camouflaged by their appearance and masked by their persona.  We all wear masks.  Let's face it.  We hide our sadness, pain, fears and whatever it may be individually.  There is not one human on Earth who is not afraid of something. 

Now the question is; could some of us appear human and not be?

Please allow me the opportunity to introduce myself.   I am not like you, any of you.  I'm me with my own DNA structure, composed of my own brilliance and quirkiness.  I'm a human.   Fragile, carrying and compassionate on the inside yet strong and powerful on the outside driven by chemical reactions of heightened adrenaline and I could be as savage as an animal.  Our own characteristics are the separation equal to the attractions within ourselves and to each other.  We all have multiple personalities.  Clinically, no but experiencing life yes!  

There are thousands of ways we could act, react and live out our lives and yet, the path we are currently on - how many of you look at that as the road to self discovery you dreamed of?  Does it reflect who you are?  

Our priorities constantly change as we change and alter our desires and as our mind expanses beyond what we thought we were capable of.  We go through life like ticking time bombs, absorbing, taking it all in, filtering and then blowing up into all directions we so desperately want.

Some see or sense the future and some have healing powers, gift of remote viewing, speaking with the dead, brilliant scientists with constant new discoveries or whatever it may be.  Some on the other hand appear regular average humans with no specific focus on special gifts or powers.  They are workers, mothers and fathers, stay at home moms, caregivers, teachers, doctors, etc.  However, most of these people have an interest in something like singing, art, science, history, photography or creating something, whatever it is, it's awesome.  We are all special, unique and wonderful.

If we take a close look at ourselves, we have to question what it is we want out of life, with the constant urge to grow, learn and experience what it is we came here to do.  What drives us?  Where will we be 20 years from now?

My world consist of observing people and how they act and conduct themselves.  I know I came here on a mission that is higher then me.  I befriend people all the time.  I want to feel their life, sense their living and help them if I can.  Why do I do this?   I do believe it is because of who I am and what my mission still not entirely known to me, came here to accomplish.  I do believe in the essence and spirit of higher inter-dimension of ourselves.  It's still us, but resides on a different plateau of existence experiencing life through us, humans in our flesh.  While our bodies allow us to feel, touch and sense with all our senses I pay attention to the mind - our brain - we all hold and that is capable of thousand percent more then what it does.  

Do you ever sit there quietly practising the power of levitation or to move objects?  I do.

I've done things in the past that have freaked me right out of my skin and perhaps I've tapped into things that I wasn't ready for.  Now that I am older I frequently creep back into those foreign things as they intrigue me beyond my own fears.  We are all capable of so many amazing things that are totally beyond our comprehension. 

Where on the outside I'm fun, creative, exploring type of being, on the inside I'm very soft when it comes to my heart & feelings.  I hurt so easily but at the same time, I forgive easily.  I can so with definite truth say that  if my arch nemesis (if I had one) or anyone that has hurt me ever, would come to knock at my door, I would invite them in for tea or coffee and we could talk it out & work it out.  Am I naive?  No.  I am confident in who I am & what my level of compassion and forgiveness handles.  

Recently, at my age of 39 I had to accept the most odd recent behaviours from a couple of people.  This juvenile behaviour can only happen due to the conflict of "youngins" versus "old souls" and it is clear to me young souls find an appealing attraction about me until I make no more sense to them.  I feel confident these people will never forget me & hope they hold precious whatever they have learned from me.

It has taken me a while to grasp the concept of this but I had to.  Not everyone on Earth is here to make friends with everyone.  It so evident by action of some people that they are here for themselves, even if comfortable in their little bubble living, pursuing whatever it is they do.  These people are seekers of themselves, their higher self that is as they clearly are on a path of self discovery through their fleshy matter.  These are the same people who hold materialistic people at value, tangible shiny objects dear and precious and seldom do they reflect inward to alter because it isn't something they care to polish. 

I'm a humble human.  So so humble.  I live in a lavish home due to a generous heart of a great man who I had the privilege calling dad.  If it wasn't for my children to give them a nice home, I could care less where I lived to be honest.  If I was alone, I know I would already be in a foreign country assisting some research on a mission of aiding and helping others in need.  

The greed from certain family members who are clearly unpolished have caused my human body and mind to endure quite the pain and stress since dad's passing.  I have to accept my life currently as is, and pursue the unfolding with faith and belief that there are lessons to be learned here on Earth, even if the consequences are of those actions unloaded upon us by foul beings that live among us, even if we hold relations to them.

Not everyone on Earth called human is fully-fledged to the title of a human.  Some are just beings that cause pain, grief, scars and leave the stench of disgust in our memories.   These are impostors that reside in the fleshy matter, masked as humans living among other earthlings.  They eat, sleep, work and breathe.  

I've taken a long hard look at so many opportunities that I've had thus far to observe, sense and feel our civilization.  Although I am a believer of God and goodness of the human heart, I've had to accept things that I no longer have the privilege of unknowing.   We cannot erase the mind and undo what it knows.

My experience of an invader: 

Few years ago I was standing in a line at our famous "Walmart" market.  While the individual in front of me looked like just an average woman, I soon found out she wasn't.  She was standing behind her basket of this long line up, while I casually stood there behind her checking my basket of my goodies.  I got an unusual sensation from this woman and she hasn't even looked at me yet.  Her aura was off, yes I see them at times, and her entire sense of smell, sensation and vibration was totally off the charts.  Her light did not vibrate on "earthlings" wavelength and I get chills even now thinking about this experience.  On the outside looking at her with your eyes, she looked absolutely normal.  One would never know she was an impostor.

As I stood there, many things raced through my mind as my mind never rests and the thought for a brief split second popped into my head, "oh, she's probably alien or something & bleeds green blood" and almost instantly as I thought this simple innocent thought, she turned right around as if she heard me, looked right into my eyes with her piercing aerie look and the only thing I remember feeling, sensing, hearing but not with my human ears was "I heard you & I see you".  My knees buckled as I tried to maintain my composure. 

I don't know what the look on my face was or if her look on her face changed to the alien monster that I envisioned later but I wish I could have this moment on camera. 

I swear I've never been more afraid in my life then at that split moment.  She then casually turned around and tended to her shopping cart as if this exchange of telepathy never even occurred.  After few seconds, I was hoping to experience another thought to confirm what just happened but my mind wasn't working.  I was in a state of shock/freeze and my mind did not work right at all and I could not focus on anything to form even another thought like that in my mind.  My body felt limp and I got slightly nauseated.   Time itself seemed to have sped up because I don't even remember paying for my items and before I knew it I was in my car driving home.  

It wasn't until later that evening I wrote down what happened and this is how I was able to remember the event to write about it. 

Now, I had a similar angelic experience too few years after this one, which was absolutely opposite and filled me with light and I shall write about that one soon. 

There are many points here.  This could have been an ordinary person, with extra ordinary powers.  She could have been telepathic or she could have been an alien invader.  The truth is I will never know for sure but my gut tells me she wasn't of this earth.

This is only one of my extra ordinary experiences here on Earth I have such a privilege feeling, learning, experiencing.  I've since then altered my my thoughts on how I would approach another similar situation.  Instead thinking they are an alien, my thoughts are "hello Earthling, what are you here to experience"? I think it is less threatening to a possible invader. 

Have an amazing Friday folks. 


Wednesday, January 25, 2012

A love Letter

This year as my husband and I laid there quietly on the brink of sunrise, he quietly asked me what I would like for my birthday. I paused for a moment and without hesitation asked for one thing.  A love letter.

His quick sigh somehow confirmed how difficult this would be on his behalf since he's a man of few words & we haven't had to exchange in written form anything since our hand written wedding wows.  It is true to every single ounce of his actions that actions do speak louder then words, especially where this man is concerned.  He's in every way amazing.

We have a one of a kind soulful love and beautiful relationship & I fell in love with him the first time we met.  He is genuine and kind and everything I stand for what a husband and father should be.  I am so blessed.  He is a humble righteous man who stands for all good of mankind and our souls & passions parallel towards common lifelong goals.

I shall be so lucky to have him by my side as I inhale my last breath.

It is true what they say that behind every great man stand a great woman, however I find this is mutual.  He's my rock, along with our beautiful children I cannot imagine another life other then the one I have with him.  Yes "I do blame him for everything" and that's somehow understood between us in a quirky way, however at the end of the day he's the one I await to return home safe into my arms, share a meal with, snuggle up to at night and say goodbye to every morning, only to repeat.

We have a good life together.  Through the beautiful times and even struggles & hardships at the end of it all we have our cosmic immense love that carries us through life & all we have is our loyal word to each other.   As he said "In love it is love that loves through us and we must push aside all of the useless background noise created by untrue spirit and righteousness."  

Now, I did laugh at first as the upper part of his letter to me felt more like an instruction manual from his heart to mine, with details of his passion for me as this man who's clearly a technical, intellectual and beautiful mind perceives to cover all angles so eloquently and he does it so precisely.  Although, it is a private letter I will hold dear I'm only sharing a tiny passage above & a famous poem below.

There is this amazing centre part of the letter that brought tears to my eyes how beautifully it was written, strongly yet delicately with understanding of our love, passion and loyalty to each other.  He knows me more then I thought. He is incredible.  "As I did gave him my hand to hold and my heart to keep, so help me God."  I didn't know how truly remarkable our connection would develop and how deeply our love would grow.

As I read and re-read his deciphered words, my eyes filled and refilled with tears as each word pulled at my heartstrings as I realize his message to me in a human written form couldn't possibly even begin to tap on the feelings of the heart & soul.  Then, I realised how could I have asked him for such a difficult task when I have never written one for him.  I will treasure it forever.

One of my favourite ending of the letter was this famous poem & somehow I understand it even more:

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day’s
most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old grief’s, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

My message to you folks, love each other.  The lifeline is shorter then we think and the beauty exists in all those things untouchable and unseen while the wonder with excitement remains in the words unspoken. 


Monday, January 23, 2012

Act of kindness & pay it forward.

I was always taught to perform an act of kindness every day.  Whatever it may be a huge one or the smallest act, it's all significant.  At the same time, I find that the people who appear least deserving of your kindness are the ones you should indeed perform your good deed to.

A single act of kindness throws out roots in all direction, 
and the roots spring up and make new trees.  
The greatest work that kindness does to others,
is that it makes them kind themselves. 

When I was a little girl & we took street carts to the city and it was jammed pack with people while my grandma told me to sit, who was clearly older then me while she stood I knew deep down the rules she taught me.  As soon as an elderly lady or man entered the cart I would stand up and offer up my seat.  It's just how I was brought up and it cannot be changed now, it's part of who I am.

In my teens I was at our local down town market square with few friends while a lady walked out of the restroom with a wad of toilet paper dragging by her shoe and while my friends chuckled I quickly ran up to her and told her to save her unpleasant embarrassment.  I was nudged and poked why I told but I could care less what my friends thought of me.

About 5 years ago I was driving through Tim Horton's.   I decided to pay for the vehicle behind me their purchase and with my luck it was only two cups of coffee.  I paid for it and drove away while the lady at the window gave me a huge sincere smile.  No thank you was needed from the recipient unknowing behind me and it left me feeling absolutely amazing.  These are just few of the countless times for me for some reason reflected today.

It doesn't matter how the pay it forward is returned to you or if ever is.  I just love doing these kinds of things and it always feels pretty amazing.  There are no words to describe the feeling.  About a year ago, it happened to me.  Someone actually bought me my coffee while in the drive through line and I immediately thought about my action few years prior.  All I could do was smile all the way home.

The truth is, kind things have always happened to me.  Now that I am older, I reflect on them and it's amazing how beautiful the circle of return is.

What about an act of kindness towards a human who perhaps doesn't like you and when you help them, they don't even know about it?  I've done it multiple times too. There is something so appealing to help a person who would least expect it from you.

It doesn't matter if the people know or don't know about your help and I rather they did not.   If you can help anyone it's all the same as is the inner reward.

Help is universal and speaks all languages.  People can be so uptight and hung up on so many issues in life, they so easily forget the simple human nature of some things that cannot be explained.

The way I look at it, you either get it or you don't. 

It is not how much you do, 
but how much love you put 
into the doing that matters.  


The "F" word while turning 93

There is something magical about birthdays.  Everyone wants their special day to be filled with fun & laughter, amazement and significance celebrating their day of birth.  This year I got just that.  AMAZING beyond words!

First of all, my birthday has always been about wanting to celebrate it with my mom.  I've held the highest respect for her my whole life & the fact she gave me life and brought me into this world.  Becoming a mother myself only reconfirmed the love she feels for me as my love for my own children is colossal.

It began yesterday with the incredible surprise of a fabulous camera cake my mom baked for me.  The story of it is here but I'll still have to give credits with photos below.

Birthdays just like Christmas have never been about gifts for me.  I've so enjoyed the little things my kids have made me over the last few years and each birthday is special and unique.  Even prior to that...  I'd lie if I didn't get excited receiving a thoughtful gift because I would love it, however it has never been about anything materialistic.  This one however somehow tops the charts on my "b-day-meter" and if another like this ever happens again, only time will tell.

My son who is 6 was barely awake on Sunday morning with his eyes still sleepy as I sipped on my cup of brew asked me in confusion, "momma you turned 93"? and then his eyes got even bigger as he looked over at me.  It put a smile on my face and I nearly choked on my coffee.  He picked up the two candles on the counter from the cake my mom baked for me the night prior & he was puzzled for a minute.  It was so priceless, and yet the "F" word was never mentioned at all.

I got deliveries of flowers, birthday cards, special and delicious dinner cooked by my amazing husband, earrings from my baby girl she got "with daddy's money" as she said, a lovely cross & so many surprises throughout the day.  I loved all of it!

First of all, I've been holding back a little if I haven't let on that the fact I'm approaching the turn of another decade is literally around the corner.  The "F" word somehow ever so slightly bothers me but not because of age.  I don't believe age has anything to do with how we feel on the inside.  I embrace my years & hopefully age gracefully.  I think it's just the concept of the "age" itself as people seem to be going through some midlife crisis and I totally don't feel remotely to my age.

Good friend has told me that I'm actually 39 plus 9 months and that makes sense.  Closer to the "F" word then I thought.  haha!

Turning forty doesn't scare me.  There I said it.  It's been a joke in my family for probably 5 years since I've reached the "over the hill" mark after 35.  I think mostly women are the ones affected by these number sequence of keeping track of years lived.  For me, I've always told my kiddies, when the years get closer the "F" word is not to be said.   "Mommy is and always will be 29" I told my kids, no matter who asks you.  Keeping a light heart about it of course as only I know the depth of it's meaning & the reason behind the "F" word.

Ok, the fact we call it the "F" word is because of many reasons. 
 We do not call anyone fat, rather plump or well build.  
We do not say any "F" bombs especially the ones mommy and day may slip.  
We do our best not to say fart but toot.
We do not say find rather reach to "find" something.
And we do not under any circumstance say forty when it comes to mom.

Beautiful card and a cross from the kiddies and my husband    PHOTOGRAPHY

Earrings from my baby girl bought with "daddy's money" 

On the RIGHT is my amazing cake my mom baked for me.    PHOTOGRAPHY

Card image from my little 3 month old nephew "boogie time" written inside.
Stuffed duckie from my nephew

received my 1st flowers by delivery
more flowers
And all of this and so much more that cannot be expressed in words and photos happened on my amazing day.  Thank you Lord and friends for making me feel so loved and appreciated.  


Saturday, January 21, 2012

Happy Birthday with one amazing camera!

While I celebrate the day my mom gave me life and brought me into this world, it has indeed became a day now that I'm older a day for me to do just that.  Sometimes we shift things around a little & have to do it a day before and yet it still feels just same.

Amazing how we 'grow' up and priorities change.  It isn't about gifts at all it is simply being able to have the privilege to be with the ones we love, while they are with us.  For me, on my birthdays, I celebrate my mom & her life too because if it wasn't for her, my life wouldn't be.

Being just a kid always resonates in the soul and even though I'm not a little girl anymore, my mom made me feel in absolute amazement today and so happy.  My eyes filled with tears.

This Nikon moment has been stolen by this amazing Canon and I didn't mind at all.
Her GIFT to me that I will never forget and - yes - it's a cake.

Incredible and amazing.  She poured 15 hours of labour love into this baby.  I'm the luckiest lady on the planet to have a mom like mine and she shows me every time she gets the chance.  I will never forget the joy in her face as I opened it.  For both, I'm sure it was priceless picture moment.

I think the universe is trying to tell me that this year will be pretty amazing.  

I love you so much mom.  Thank you for my incredible life.  



"LIFE is simple - it is people who complicate it"

Life's but a walking shadow,
A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.
And then is heard no more: It is a tale told by an idiot, 
Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
~ William Shakespeare ~
Macbeth, 5. 5

Have a wonderful weekend,


Friday, January 20, 2012

Crazy life - so perfect

Yes.  Beautiful. Twisted. Sad. Happy. Seen. Heard. Tasted. Felt. Written. All together - perfectly crazy.

There is something soothing after a huge ripple in my week.  Well, one that felt like a flipping title wave no kidding, no matter how heated it got, no matter how mad or sad I became at a situation nor how much I've cried, my week ends on the same note but the feeling somehow uplifted.  Thank gawd!

After numerous quick conversations today my heart began feeling lighter after the crazy morning & week.  Revealing something so personal & sharing with another female today summarizing my few past years left me so empowered and filled with decisions I simply must do.  Do not neglect yourself.  You come first!

We question how normal we are and others too how they act, if this or that is normal - but we are all human.    Let's face it.  My normal, is totally not your normal, and your normal could be the best or totally blah.

Decisions we make have to be the best ones for us & we can't always look at others and how it affects them.  In the end, we do what is right for us & we have to.  Considering all respectable levels of discipline and conduct.  Sometimes people make decisions for us and even if we don't know it or question it - why, don't understand it, it remains to be a leap of faith that the path is ours and we have to walk it.  Alone.  Even if a decision was made for you & forced you to alter a path, it is really not that bad.  That's life.  I believe the good Lord knows best and leave it up to fate.

The clinical definition of ultimate high/lows is bi-polar perhaps when the norm takes a turn and twist into the dips of abnormal highs and lows & uncontrollable rage surfaces from that and I've seen a share in my life from people that I have no control over if they are or are not in my life.  Knowing who you are and how you handle yourself is all you can rely on at the end of the day.  People aren't crazy.  Life is.  Even if the people in it appear crazy or totally uncontrollable & spiteful, it's the life.

Today, finally I've come to terms with few issues that have felt like a giant elephant sitting on my chest & had to deal with, where people in my life are concerned.  Family, friends it's all the same.  I feel so much lighter.

Their shit, is their shit.  There is no sugar coating it.  My shit is mine and why mix it up.  That would be pretty shitty!  I know what's best for me and that's all that matters.

Seeking inner peace is what does it for me, sharing, talking with someone who can perhaps understand your situation and empathize.  Then there is the nature.  LOVE the nature and connecting to it.  It revives me.

There are also my friends.  God bless ya!!  Those of course entitled to that crown.  There are some very good listeners out there among my friends.  Thank you for being what a friend is suppose to be and believing in me.

Crazy as it is and sounds...... life is perfect because of imperfections.  Period!  It would be boring otherwise.   I accept that much.  I'll take my crazy, roller-coaster, insane, spontaneous life over a boring life any day.  With all that is thrown at me.  I never say NO!

Thank goodness I can see it, heart it, taste it, smell it and feel it.  I must be crazy!  Are you?


Coffee time - mocha "the knock off"

Ok, let's face it most people like the fresh ground coffee beans brewed in an early cup of morning coffee and I'm not much different then most.  I think I mostly enjoy the aroma, that wakes me up and carries me downstairs.

But!  Wait..... did I just say that?

Hell ya, I enjoy my fresh brew but - I am sometimes 'different' then the most, even though I sure enjoy my variety of coffee beans.

This is my mocha knock off.  It takes less time and it's frothy and rich in taste.  I for one don't care for the instant coffee but this sure makes it yummy.  It is also a great base for rich, creamy, nutty - freshly baked coffee cakes.

Meet my European delicious quickie whipped coffee.

"It's so good it will melt your soul"  

1 teaspoon of instant coffee
1-2 table spoons of brown sugar (depends on how sweet you like your coffee)
Boiling water

Take the teaspoon of coffee and whip it with the sugar with few drops of room temp water until rich creamy froth forms.  The more you whip it, the more lighter and vibrant the colour becomes.  Once done, probably until your water boils, simply pour your boiling water over top of the mixture.  Add cream or milk.  Enjoy!

If you do get a little adventurous to make this, please do let me know what you think of it.  I've had this since I was 15 (mind you only on the occasion) and I love it.

Happy Friday.


Thursday, January 19, 2012

Devil’s Daughter

You were once a light
That shined within my heart
And memories still echo
Of the love I wish upon you
Connected by spun ties
We are of the same dust
Yet opposing shaded essence
For black wings have you grown
Clearly you must bleed
Hate like ivy climbing your core
Leaving ghostly gashes upon those
You claim to love
Poison resonates in your words unspoken
So I have to ask
Are you the devil’s daughter?
Or are you broken?

January 19, 2012 by Janette Dengo


Warped on foot amongst mankind
In the absolute dark so blind

Without the laws of a chief head
And stench weight of the dead

Lives a lust of blood to root pain
In tormented mind so vain

Reflecting in the cracked mirror
Lays deformed face of terror

Not always practised though skilled
In twisted abnormality so filled

This distorted reality of unforgiving
Lost in underworld of living

Screaming in hushed narcotic brain
In sick sanity locked up insane

Blemished by tenets of mankind
While hiding the toxic mind

As it transmits beyond dimension
Of its main comprehension

Fooled knowing bitter zilch in all
Doomed taking leaps to fall

Where buried normality is aborted
Remain bones of the distorted

September 27, 2008 by Janette Dengo

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Real or Fake?


It is by far the most uncomfortable feeling to sense a person's side that is absolutely two-toned, fake.  You feel it, see it, you want to do something about it but you can't.  They are your friend.  Until they are not.

How does one ever approach the conversation?  "Ahem, I don't like it when you have a face just for me & another one for her & one for your boyfriend, then one for your clients & one for your students"

Graphic work/design by - Janette Dengo

I've had multiple stories told to me by a friend who got so hurt by another female who clearly belonged on the screen with an Oscar for her performance.  The lengths people go to - to cause grief to others blows my mind.  They stoop to such low and dirty levels of saying garbage about you not only to authority figures (which alone is sickening) but to common friends who sometimes believe the lies only for you to loose those friendships too.   Why do people do that?

Why does this happen?  It breaks my heart to hear these stories from my friends, but then again perhaps this is why something similar happened to me.  I suppose it happens to us so we can better understand what a friend has gone through and for us to feel their pain to comfort and understand them and be there for them in every way.

People play games!  They say then don't but they do.  They say they are honest but they are liars.  They ask you to trust them only to bash your heart.  Does that give them some power as these people are clearly control freaks of the society.

I thank my lucky stars each and every day that I have decent and kind, respectable people in my life, pretty much my whole life.  Minus a few hick-ups in so called friendships, it's all a learning process.

I take everything as a lesson & in strides.  Weather it's real or faked from others, it is not my problem.  In the end, I do not worry my little heart over the devilish ways of people's conduct because I am not God.  One day they will have to unwrap & reveal their sins caused to others, however the gracious light allows it.

What I do with my life is the only thing that is in my power and control.  I know exactly who I am & I like who I am.  Nobody will change me & my light.  I will never become a hater, back stabber, liar and two faced because those cells do not exist in me.

My focus in life will continue with great power to help and change the world for the better - one person at a time and it always starts with ME.



Monday, January 16, 2012

Puppy Love - Taking a chance - Broken Hearts

That was EASY.   They call it puppy love.

It’s a love that you feel for another entity, be it an animal or a human.  It’s a feeling that feels good, light and absolutely normal.  For the love to grow, you soon find yourself questioning deeper feelings and seeking a mutual connection if it’s with a human.

It isn't any different then a dog.  You feed it, walk it, nurture it, play with it and watch it grow.  Love is the same.  Why can’t it just stay puppy love?  Because the dog grows up, that's why.

I’ve recently had my heart crushed.  This is the second time around within a year for me especially in my adult years, and although it should not feel this heavy, it does.   This was just puppy love, but I haven’t had to feel these feelings for over 16 years.  It was still in it's young stage, undeveloped fully and before it could it was ripped away.  You wake up in the middle of the night with a sickening feeling that cannot be explained, wondering what you did wrong.  Questioning your every thought, move, word written... could I possibly have done or said something?

I can see how the opposite sex does this with the future outlook for seeking a partner and if no commonalities are found, the break up happens.  It's normal.  However when it happens between two females, there is something almost sickening about it.  You wreck your brains over and over with what went wrong.  Then after much meditating and guidance, you realize it isn't you after all who did this.  Accepting things that don't make sense is one of the hardest things.

I've come to realize that even between friends, there is a certain level and a degree of attraction to the individual, be it opposite sex or platonic level.  It's a normal way of being attracted to some and not others.  After all, some men only seek the beautiful people on the outside and not on the inside and soon find themselves ditching those broads too.  While others seen the beauty within & those are most of the time lasting relationships. 

What is it about a person that prevents them on taking a chance?  Let it be on getting a puppy or opening up their heart to the world.

I took a chance.  Not only have I had 2 dogs in my life now, I watched one succumb into cancer and as his needle was injected to fade the sparkle in his eyes - he died right in my arms.   The pain I felt was indescribable.  Why would I subject myself to that type of pain again?  I got another dog a year later.  

It takes patience, time and commitment to care and nurture these incredible animals to feel their love and loyalty back.  They are amazing.  They give you comfort and a certain amount of peace while petting them curled up by a fireplace.  They know when you are sad or down, they sense danger and warn you.  Animals aren't that different from people & friends.  They are our companions and for the most part I think a dog just like a true friend can be equally loyal.  Friends are people who are open to communicate, feel, express & mutually contribute into the friendship only for it to blossom.

I took a chance on love.  I've had my heart & soul crushed my my biological father and yet I took few chances on boy friends who didn't last and one final one on my amazing husband.  You have to. Otherwise you'll end up alone & empty.

Not knowing if there are mutual feelings from people and developing friendships, we continuously take chances.  I took a chance to express my care and appreciation even though my heart got bashed.  Will that ever stop me.  Never.

Why can't humans be more like dogs?

I’ve been recently told that friends, people, us - we are disposable.  We all are.  Well, I for one refuse to believe that.  It is totally apparent that people are disposable to certain individuals then they are to others, by people's actions, reaction and conduct.  Lack of belief in their friends and in themselves.  These are shallow people who hold little respect towards mankind & the beauty of something far from tangible.

I am not disposable.  Never will be.  I matter, and I know I mean something huge to those who matter to me and make me feel loved & cared for.  Just like I would never get rid of a dog that grew up and got in a way of my lifestyle even if it's at times tempting.  If people could treat & cherish their friendships like they do their bellowed pets or children, and vice-versa, there would be a lot less heartache in the world.

Is it better to be the dumper or the dumpee?  I don't know how many times I've asked myself that.  Being dumped by half a dozen times in my life.  Yeah, it sucks but I learned from those situations too and they shaped me into who I am today.  I've only dumped twice.  I've been the dumpee not because I cannot make a decision if to stay in a relationship let it be an ex-boyfriend or friend, but because I find attributes in everyone and focus on those.   I do my best to always see positivity in everyone.  I never take the easy ways  out.  

I find dumpers are strong willed people who know what they want and don't want.  I also find that those individuals are people who make impulse decisions.  In some ways they are brave but cowards to communicate on a respectable level to another human & to give closure to those who seek it.  That delete key is just so darn “easy” isn’t it?  Just like Staples - "that was easy" 

"Go ahead - press it."

Whatever it is that scares people to run rather than accept a genuine means of friendships from another human is beyond my comprehension.  Humans, we are all cute, cuddly puppies, wanting to be loved.  Perhaps people are threatened by the vision of outgrowing the puppy years and that one day we grow up to be a strong, fast, amazing animal unafraid of anyone and anything.  A dog that his/her bark is much bigger than the bite.  

Puppy love exists in those and for those who have a heart & are capable to feel something amazing with their soul.  Period!  Those who don’t, can’t even fathom and appreciate the cuteness that exists in an animal’s eye, the innocence and basic nature of just to feel safe & be loved.  These are the kind of people who get a puppy and when it grows up, it’s not cute and cuddly anymore, they are annoyed by it, don't have the time to play with it or pick up after it & they just simply get rid of it.  Shame on them.

Life is not a staple's button and neither is love.

There is no command on the keyboard to reverse the decision of delete.  The damage is done so why would there be one in life?  Forgiveness and apology are the only means of healing and moving on.

Enjoy life and be happy.  Love people and once in a while take a chance.



Sunday, January 15, 2012


Although I'd like to write about the so many "gifted" artists out there who constantly inspire me to write, illustrate, paint and take photographs with so many ideas, this one is a little keepsake for me.  PHOTOGRAPHY

Thank you so much to my clients who are so thoughtful and generous with their wonderful gifts, flowers & thank you cards.  It means so much to me that I am appreciated.  They put a smile on my face.

I love them all so much & I look forward to using this one by Arbonne  after a long day of photoshoots.



Holding On Letting Go

Sometimes we're holding Angels and we never even know........♥

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know if its the end of the beginning?
The quiet rush of one breath
Is all we're waiting for
Sometimes the one we’re taking
Changes every one before..

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it, 
But we know,
We just can't let it show

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, we're letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go.

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Thursday, January 12, 2012

You're Unforgettable.....

What do you get when you put two women in a room together that go way back over 20 years & who are looking for an adventure?  One amazing day!!

No wine was needed today, only a stage of cameras, lights, action, dressing and undressing, laughter, Adele's 19 & 21 and one hot model who gave it her all.   She was simply fabulous.  I experienced one of those days that goes down to history.  It's safe to say I gave her exactly what she wanted and needed, while she provided me with further confidence, experience and one remarkable photo shoot. 

Oh the fun I'll have for days editing.  Oh the emails already with requests.  Amazing!!  Simply amazing..... & I love it!

I'm so looking forward to the fashion show I've got the opportunity to photograph too.  This was just the boost I needed.  I'm so pumped with everything upcoming.  This is going to be the year.

When it rains it pours and I'm facing the rain smiling extended both hands up...... bring it on baby!  My life is unforgettable because of all the people who make is so special, and that included YOU.

Thanks a million,


Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Little Treasures - A moment in time

One of my absolute favourite things received to date has to be what my mom gave me only few days before Christmas this year. It was one of those special sunny yet busy days for me getting prepped for the holidays as we ran into each other at a local market.  She said she bought me something and couldn't wait to give it to me.  We checked out and paid for our goodies in the baskets and met out in the parking lot for a secretly shared ciggie (my bad) but what happened afterwards will remain with me forever.  A moment in time.

When I opened up the package & saw the ornament I felt so absolutely loved, cared for, appreciated and simply treasured.  In that one split moment I felt like a child again, giddy, in a state of awe how cute it was & then the moment happened.  I felt those words. I felt them from her heart just as she was so excited to give it to me, I felt the absolute power behind the message she was trying to tell me.

I don't know if I could fully describe what I actually felt because it's nearly impossible to put it into words.  I get teary eyed just thinking about it.  My mom has always told me she loved me, her touch and gentle hugs are filled with love and care.  It's due to getting older that we forget that we were little too once and a mother's precious child.  A blessing.  When I think about my mom and her getting older I get all emotional.  I have friends who have already lost one parent or both and one of them is my hubby and I've lived it.

There are days I often reflect on my memories with my mom and I know this one so far has topped them all.   Just as I know she won't be around forever, she has given me perhaps the nicest gift.  A precious memory to hold onto when the gentle wind sweeps her ashes and to twinkling dust particles she delights.

I think what I loved about the entire exchange was the words inscribed and the meaning behind those beautiful words.  This is the simplest little treasure but the message and everything I took from this was the most invaluable for me.  So meaningful, so very powerful.  I love my mom so very much & have always respected her maybe more then she knows.  

We've had our share of fights but the bond between us is one of a kind.  I'm so glad we found a way to communicate, express, trust & be ourselves with especially now that I'm older and a mother myself.

This year, she gave me the best gift she ever did (and there are 38 years filled with awesome gifts) and it wasn't even Christmas yet.  I don't even think she knows how much it means to me. The ornament, the memory and most importantly the words that did not need to be spoken.  It holds a key message for me to see, hold and feel when I need to feel reassurance that I am indeed someone very special to another human being and most of all a mother who gave me life.  There is only one person who has carried you and nurtured you under her heart, in the womb and counted all your fingers and toes on the day you were born. A mom.

It is my absolute dearest little treasure that is not going away into the boxes of ornaments.  No way!  It will be hung in my office/studio and I will admire it as I gain strength and encouragement from it with twice the power.  Thank you for loving me.

I love you mom with my whole heart.

Your one and only,

Mini Edit - the flower girl

I love editing photos, even if the photography isn't mine.   A lot of people know how to take beautiful photos... it's how they are edited vs. leaving them their raw state that transfers the photo into a beautiful keepsakes.  If you do not know how to edit photos or don't have the expensive programs that it normally takes to do the magic, let the professionals do it.  It doesn't cost too much and it is what most photographers love to do.

Here is a tiny peek at mini edit.  Nothing fancy, just some alterations with lighting, cropping and few layering techniques to soften the background.

edited image

original image

If you are interested in any type of editing work of your favourite images, I'm so your gal.  I love editing.

Have a happy day,

Monday, January 9, 2012

Miracle of a New Day.

Today's miracle.... an opportunity to rejoice and marvel in the glory of new day.

"Perhaps this is why it is called PRESENT.   A little gift from God to live another day."

Sunrises.  I love them.  A rebirth of a new day and new adventures.  For me, I always thought that I live each day to the fullest.  I am convinced of it.  However the truth is I'm far from the high standard I set for myself.  I worry so much about yesterday and things done, said & also about tomorrows.  I realized this over again & it's silly but the movie 50 First Dates reconfirmed it for me after watching it.

The concept of loosing short term memory would be so devastating.  Or would it be?

I think that if everyone lived every day as if it was the only day with opportunity to live & to remember only that day not worrying so much of what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, I think we would all live a little differently and with a little more heart & soul.

Living with the wonder of today's miracle is what it's about.  Feeling alive from within, absorbing each magnificent second whatever the feeling transcribes.  Today is the only day, like today.  There will never be another.

I love life.  Paying more attention to living high with the opportunity of making every day count and forgetting yesterday's woes.  Today is simply glorious.

Happy new day,