The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

Monday, November 3, 2008

My Healing Journey ♥

Thank you, Genie!

I tell my Genie, "YOU ARE FREE TO GO"! I thank you kindly, however I will no longer need your magic lamp to rub and you no longer have to be a prisoner bound in these shackles and restricted to a small and uncomfortable space.

And the Genie thanks the master, and says, "Your wish is my command".

Allowing myself to feel absolute joy and absorb the pure energy from this wonderful LIFE has been accomplished by simply opening my eyes and mind to astounding possibilities and lifetime opportunities. I do not really need a genie when I am the master of my own creations. Do I?

New opportunities and even challenges have always had their way of manifesting themselves in the course of my life. I just simply would not allow them to flourish and expand into brilliant developments. With my eyes half open and yes also half closed to constant possibilities, they just coexisted along side of me and gave me a poke every once in a while. Hey remember me? I'd eagerly opened my eyes and got a little excited about a project or a venture that sat on the back burner for a while, yet pretty soon it too would fade when I did not see any obvious results with my efforts. So what did happen to me?

I have come to realize an important building block, which would contribute tremendously in my overall learning and personal growth. Throughout the course of my persistence and tremendously solid efforts, I never actually allowed anything enough time out of my "BELIEF RESERVOIR" to even surface to existence, in order for projects and ideas to flourish and blossom. The belief reservoir is that little bit EXTRA we all have within us, after it feels like all our hope and belief within us is used up and sucked up dry. It is the point at which all of us have felt like we've failed ourselves by listening to others, who did not support us nor believe in us that we could simply achieve anything that seemed remotely impossible. I believe that there is nothing in life, which is impossible.

Doesn't anyone break at one point or another when the rest of the world keeps telling you "NO" or "IT WILL BE HARD" and my favourite one of all has to be YOU'LL BE SORRY". The belief comes from within all of us and the universe replenishes it on a continuous basis. We have all at one time reached the point when there were no satisfactory results even though we worked so very devotedly to produce some. For me, just as an idea or a project should have sprouted with that great fertilizer and nutritious food I gave it hypothetically speaking, I just simply gave up and lost any hope. I'd ask myself, "Is the soil bad"? Little did I know that the soil, which I though was non-fertile, was my very own approach? I simply tried way too hard, but the bottom line is I did not dig into my belief reservoir! How could anything ever work out for me if I never truly believed that it would?

I live today as one of the most optimistic and aspiring individual I know. We all have visions, beliefs and hopes. We are also the only ones who can stand in our very own way. I understand that now, and life with everything in it really does make a lot of sense. People actually consciously stand in their own way for a specific reason. They are simply not ready yet to face whatever they are afraid of. It is individual for all of us and yes FEAR hinders our very own beliefs and in result all of our goals and achievements.

Holy life is so very awake and beautifully singing to me now. I am not afraid of anything and I don't think I ever truly was except big hairy spiders perhaps. Still working on that one. I am also not a perfectionist anymore looking for the right avenue or for the perfect opportunity to come along so I could grab it and run with it. I find all opportunities equally perfect and balanced.

The truth is that we are all born bare butted with only the skin on our back. All the doors to astounding possibilities and fantastic endeavours are wide open with parallel opportunities for all of us. Throughout the course of our individual lives it is ultimately our very own choices that keep some doors open and close the others.

Life is beautiful just as it is. We have the ability to see, hear, feel, taste and smell. How wonderful those gifts are. What we are taught at birth is to simply associate senses with individual labels. I have in the past asked myself. Are bad smells really bad, or are we taught they are bad? And what is a good smell? Is that really how a crisp green apple tastes, and is that how the sun really feels on our bodies as it heats us up with its luminous rays and light? Is it "warmth" we feel, because somebody said so? Such as life experiences are introduced and experienced right from birth, such as HOT or COLD and RIGHT from WRONG they are all labelled with the same label for all of us. GOOD ones from BAD ones, and then there is POSITIVE and NEGATIVE ones, gosh who labelled those? Generation after generation after generation after Well, you get the picture.

What if life as it is for everyone was just life? In its purest, simplest and barest form ENERGY? Just as it is! A blank slate and primed ready canvas ready for everyone to paint his or her own life on it! I certainly do, since I am the master of my creation.

As children our imagination can take us many places. Our elders constantly ground us as we float up, get creative and just simply want to soar and live free. "I bet I could fly if I flap my arms and hands fast enough." How many of you have actually thought of that growing up? Who said that it couldn't be done? Just because it may be scientifically impossible, who gave that person the right to spoil the belief of possibility for everyone else? Go ahead and smile if you must, it's all right.

When I close my eyes I can travel to many places and many memories of childhood. I can play a colourful movie in my mind and feel the pure joy of being a kid again. I recall learning the new tastes and smelling the breeze of a fresh bouquet of flowers, and hearing unique sounds, which I now understand that they were all specifically labelled because someone said so. I trusted that you know. Wouldn't you just love to re-learn all of that again with no labels this time? I would.

My earliest recollections of childhood are being strapped into a baby carriage with a soft padded shoulder belt. I was supposedly a "wild one" according to my mom. WOW! I was young, probably just over one year old. My toys have a name and imaginary friends can talk to me. We are all friends and I love everyone. Getting dirty in a mud puddle is fun, and eating sand is simply an experiment. Catching juicy June bugs and slippery snails without the influence of an adult simply being crept out by the act, and my pure and joyful heart so innocent and untainted by society is what I remember the most.

The feeling of living and enjoying life from a child's perspective is a constant reminder that I am choosing to live my life now in the present TO THE ABSOLUTE FULLEST and loving it! Every day I take the time to laugh and play, and see the beauty all around me in everything. I cherish dearly the essence of simply being able to exist in this superior human form and appreciating every day I get to live, learn and play another day.
Who ever wonders what goes on in a young girls mind? My only one wish was to leave my birth country and go far beyond the seas, away from my father so he could not depart his negative energy and his unkind behaviour on any members of my family anymore. Well, I did get my wish. My entire life changed after this. This was the birth of FORGIVENESS for me, way beyond the skies and seas and away from my father. It was the ultimate beginning of my HEALING JOURNEY.

Going on thirteen and turning thirty, as I like to call it, we escaped Slovakia my birth country. Our destination was a neutral country beautiful Austria. Over the course of two weeks hopping across many borders from Hungary, Romania, Yugoslavia and finally on the way to Austria, I can recall many fun and joyful times.

We camped in various campsites and lodges along our escape journey adventure. Two solid weeks of that and we found ourselves smack in the middle of a refugee camp in Austria. When I tell people that story their ears perk up like a Sheppard dog sensing danger in a bush while guarding its herd. They're mouths slightly agape, eyebrows raised and eyes wide opened waiting for the continuation of my story.
Our refugee camp experience was everything it should have been. Nothing less and nothing more since I've accepted what it has taught me. I focus on everything astounding it has provided me with, including an abundant life all the way in Canada. Every day for two weeks, I remember the camp caretakers' generosity and the fact that we all had our own bed and food to eat daily. It did not matter how much food, what quality of food just as it did not matter what shape our bedding was in and whether we showered daily or not.

I have a constant reminder with the saliva gathering just as I write the story now, of dried salty piece of salami shrink-wrapped and preserved to absolute perfection! Utterly delicious! It was my favourite daily treat. The point here is simple. We were kept well and healthy and provided essentials for survival. We were kept comfortable and warm and there was nothing missing, but FREEDOM. Yes, freedom with the bars on the windows and guards standing at each corridor we did feel like prisoners at one point during our stay, which in fact we actually were.

However, everyone can take a look at my story and could ask me a tone of questions. There are many things I could say that some would take on as sad or uncomfortable, yet I choose not to. Our goal and focus was to get out of our home country governed by rules and regulations which we did not believe in anymore and which prevented us to thrive and succeed on many levels. This foreign and neutral country Austria that is magnificent by the way and I plan to visit one day again, has given my family and I the life changing opportunity we requested. An opportunity which I actually manifested, little did I know at the time.

We lived in Austria for six months after we were release from our short two-week stay at the refugee camp. A sour/sweet beautiful experience which I hold dear in my heart. Placing us in a small community home with others like us was actually very tasteful and the individual room housing was small but inviting. We didn't feel alone, since everyone there was in a similar situation. Food, shelter and even the clothes on our backs were provided by the government, which I will forever be grateful.

It was January, twenty-one years ago that I arrived to Canada and kissed my new home ground. Our long and striving goal had finally come to life. Going through teenage puberty years and learning a new language at the same time was no doubt challenging in this foreign country. I survived daily and overcame many obstacles and with that I constantly reached for the stars. Believing in the fact that one day I will make a difference in bettering my life and the life of others was a deep gut feeling that nobody could ever take away from me. IN ANY LANGUAGE!

Here I am. Just like you I have goals and accomplishments that are achieved daily through trials and even errors, learning, living and most of all appreciating. Appreciating life for what it truly is at its core is a fantastic feeling. I feel enormous gratitude towards everyone who helps me and contributes to my constant physical and spiritual growth.

I've learned along my journey that hopes and dreams, which I have for others, are only that! I can point them and steer them in a direction should they ask for help, however it's their own steps they have to take to get there. My own dreams and hopes are the only ones that I have total control over.
Every single being on this planet has the power within to create the life they desire. We are the creators of our own destiny. By allowing ourselves to simply believe in ourselves, and let our thoughts and creations flow through us holding on to the feeling of passion for something wonderful, we are creating the exact feeling in physical form. Whatever it may be.


That is the inspirational adage I live by.

Believing in yourself and taking doubts as "STOP SIGNS" is one way of looking at it. Look both ways to make sure there is no traffic coming and keep going with ideas and burning desires. It's what makes us so very magnificent. Our free will is within all of us and it's what we are all equally born with. Nobody can truly stop us when we set our goals.

In my early twenties I've experienced many different opportunities and overcame many challenging obstacles. I too one day doubted myself whether or not I will achieve everything I was hoping to! Everyone has days that send us for a loop. I like to call them OFF days. They are days that I am not in tuned with the frequency of LIFE and I do recognize that I am not aligned with what is true to me.

Those days or even hours do pass like any other, and picking myself up and shaking off the dust has to come from within me. Nobody literally does that for me. Whether it is inspirational words buried somewhere in a book or an uplifting song on the radio, a stunning sunset or a song sparrow sitting perched on our fence singing his heart away the motivational signs and gifts are all around us. They come from the universe! Again, you must allow yourself to see, smell, hear and most importantly feel.

We have so many senses for a reason and that is to ensure the sole survival of our memories, visions, beliefs, personal growth and accomplishments. Each physical sense can easily trigger an emotion, memory or a passion for something. Taking a look at that literally can help you produce the "fuel" you need to get where you want to be in life, AND GET THERE!
It wasn't until my mid twenties that I met my soul partner. After years of relationships that were mere learning experiences, I literally manifested my future husband. All my projections right down to the details of his appearance are literally evident. I ensured he had a gentle soul and yet looked strong and protecting on the outside so I could feel safe in his embrace. A wonderful man, smart and intelligent, kind hearted with an absolutely beautiful spirit. The funny part is that he could have walked right pass me if I remained working with him with my eyes closed. The universe really does not hear I WANT or I DON'T WANT; it just hears the important stuff in between. It is a quirky vast space with a delightful sense of humour. It accepts the feelings that are sensed and takes them exactly for what they are and literally creates them into object and/or people.

The feelings associated with HOW and WHEN and also WHY are not really important at all. Not the least bit! I guess you can call it a leap of faith if you must, I just know that great things are on their way. I've always known that somehow, I just pay more attention to it now. Some of us are fortunate enough to "UNDERSTAND IT" earlier on in our lives and some of us not so early. However, we all learn at the speed we are meant to and express ourselves by our individual unique gifts and talents along our journey. All seeds need to mature before they too can sprout and therefore create life again. Learning and accepting everything we do is just that simple.

Life is what we choose it to be and that goes for everyone. It has not always been that clear in black and white for me. I grew up with a dad who was very angry and abusive, yet I managed to look beyond his anger as I grew and matured into a young lady. All of a sudden the focus shifted and it was not about me anymore, but HIM. I actually felt sympathy for him. I always remained hopeful that one day I would reach a peaceful place where I could focus on great things in life that would allow me to grow and thrive, and at the same time quiet my mind and heal my soul.

One day in my later twenties and after many years of healing, I decided to send my father a post card with the simple words "I FORGIVE YOU" on it. I thought about that for a while and it made total sense to me. I actually wrote it with a smile and pure joy. It wasn't really that I needed to forgive my father for the things he has done; it was that I had to let go and forgive myself for hanging onto feelings that did not really matter. Most importantly I realized that they were not aligned with my powerful intentions and therefore were a drag in my spiritual development and personal growth.

By letting go of old baggage, little did I know that I actually made room for the NEW refreshing possibilities, stimulating ideas and budding dreams. They literally started pouring in by the bucket loads! It is at this rebirth time at which I was finally able to express myself through my creativity and various arts. I couldn't believe how patiently "IT" sat there waiting, ready to explode into a trillion pieces of magnificent art.

I started painting with acrylics, water paint, using charcoal to sketch, beadwork, creating fabulous sewing projects and even photography. I wanted to do it all, AND I DID! It became clearly evident in all my new arts that I was a changed being, since they were originally very dark and full of misconstrued passion and fury. I started to use bright and vivid colours all interlinked and blended in an enchanting dance. In a paradoxical way as the universe reopened it's doors to me with astounding possibilities, I named my first masterpiece after the quirky and playful vast space, "The Universe".

Just as I was feeling the pure energy flow through me in a harmonious colour spectrum, it extracted and attached itself again to the objects of my creations. Colourful beads became strung on a silver wire, which was curled and twisted to perfection, and semi precious stones twirled along a knotty twine - where a new type of jewellery was formed. Drawings of flowers and animals, and even the sketch of my daughter came to life from the tranquil lead crystals imprinted on the paper, as I illustrated my little heart away with my harmonious vibes. What a glorious feeling!

My creative writing became emergent as I realized that I did have the talent to write. It was encapsulated in a timeless bubble of self-doubt due to my English language barrier. Guess what? The bubble finally popped and a new refreshing outlook on life is what I was presented with.
I can now finally attach the accurate words to the emotions that I am feeling and express my deep passion into little hypnotic paragraphs, which feels wonderful when I write them. I feel a huge relief, love, joy and even happiness and this time it feels like it truly belongs to me. I can express myself freely like a bird soaring in the sky, without doubts and worries purely living and existing, thriving and enjoying.

My two beautiful children came into my life after I performed my deep soul cleansing, and got rid of the unwanted and HEAVY baggage attached to my chakra. I realized and recognized the words "a new beginning" and the true meaning of life and things just got better and sweeter. Opportunities and dreams of becoming a mom became a reality. My husband and I tried for years conceiving but were unsuccessful even though it was plenty of fun trying!

It wasn't until three years after letting go of the past, that I allowed myself to receive the first gift of life. My daughter was born four years ago and what a special little fireball she is. My body may have been physically ready for childbearing for the last decade, however my mind and my spirit were not. "Interesting", I thought and continued my journey, loving and appreciating my gift from the universe. My undeniably gorgeous, talented and amazingly cerebral child - my daughter!

She has already created her own masterpieces at the age three, which she will understand and cherish one day, as I do. I temporarily named one of her masterpieces. It is framed and hangs in our kitchen where I can proudly see it, enjoy it and show it off daily. It carries a temporary name of "Tranquil Vision", until such a time when she will be more aware to name her own pieces.

Nearly two years after her birth, I was blessed with a son. He is very special to me and is in no doubt radiant and amazing as the rest of us. My husband and I were not really expecting anything less, considering both of us are very talented and brilliant in many ways.

I now have the perfect family just as I thought about having, which was literally created by my natural thoughts and feelings from the time I was a little girl - the innocent and pure visions from a child's perspective. My family feels perfectly balanced. The constant joy and inspiration I feel daily from my children and this vast space we reside in, is something indescribable. I am so very obliged to the universe for its gifts. I do truly welcome everything it offers with open arms. No exceptions.

As I look at the 34 years of my life, I realize that they have become a valuable bookmarked chapter, which allowed me to learn and grow emotionally and spiritually on many different levels. I am grateful for my dad and the experiences I was meant to learn. I knew there was a reason that I chose him for a father and it all makes very much sense. I do not question "WHY" anymore. There were deep and powerful lessons to be learned that would ultimately lead me to my definitive purpose in my journey, and also be the best parent I can possibly be for both of my children. It also essentially fuelled and re-fuelled my creative rebirth in terms of becoming successful at doing what I love to do and do it superbly.

Just a few months ago, I became the Chocolate Goddess and that has reopened the most absolute fun and excitement of being a kid again. What kid doesn't love to eat chocolate? The best part of that is, I actually "Get paid to eat chocolate". I feel so tremendously blessed from all angles. I get to watch my kids eat and indulge themselves in the best and healthiest chocolate, ever so ingeniously designed.

Doing many great and fun projects in desktop publishing and even illustrating a series of children's story/memory books has been accomplished by the mere "just do it" attitude. There is absolutely nothing in life that scares and intimidates me. I have so much fun on this planet Earth. I almost always do what feels best to me, and being creative feels like a little flickering fire burning around my aura. I love it!

Staging and decorating homes is a fun project I take on board when I feel the need to add a little spicy flavour variety into my life. If it feels fun and perfect at the time and most importantly inside within me, I just do it. After all, I am pretty good at it. All my fun projects and Art Goddess creations are all a part of who I am.

Every day I have fun with life and appreciate the beauty it presents to me. I take the inspirations I get every day from nature and my children, and produce what I like to call "humble master pieces" for everyone to take pleasure in, should they choose to own one of them. They are my contributions and gifts back to the universe.

As these manifestations of my deepest desires keep flowing into my life at a faster rate then ever before, I realized another great important thing. It's not really a faster rate, it's just perceived as that since I am finally paying attention to it this time. I can actually point out literally dozens of them throughout each day. It has always been that way, and now I know that it always will be. I am becoming a master of manifestations and very humble about it, if I might add.

I have the privilege to learn from my two gorgeous kids many great things yet to come. Passing down my knowledge will be a fun experiment to see my two little turtledoves flourish and reach for the stars with my constant encouragements, praises and rewards. For they too have chose me as a parent for a reason, just as I have chose my parents. I will thrive and be the best I can be, especially in my children's eyes.

It is all about learning and experiencing whatever we are here to do. Forgiveness plays an enormous part in our journey. We are magnificent luminous beings, and we are all here for a reason. Remembering always that we make the decision to be here will make more sense as our life here on Earth is nearly done! What a radiant feeling it is when life does make sense.

My message to you is enjoy your journey this time around and live each day to the fullest as if it was your first one!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Janette you are a true gem, your outlook is so one of a kind. I'm so happy for you and the way you are capable of viewing life with such light and forgiving heart. That refugee story is something else. I'm amazed at your life, your obstacles and determinations. Your soul is so beautiful. I enjoyed this article. Love and Light, Amanda