Life Journey of Janette Dengo

Pretty in Pink

2012-02-25T04:34:00.003-08:00

There is only one person who loves tulips more then anyone I know - my good friend I met in the Dominican almost 10 years ago. I love this delicate beautiful flower and snapping those pics brought back memories of summer and the warm sunshine on one of the coldest nights.

My title reminds me of one of my all time favourite 80's movie.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Janette

Silence

2012-02-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

"If you don't understand my silence, how will you understand my words?"

-By Unknow Author-

BE

2012-02-21T11:52:00.000-08:00

Be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,

no less then the trees and the stars,

you have a right to be here.

-Max Ehrmann-

Inspired not Expired

2012-02-20T14:05:00.000-08:00

I think it is very safe to say "artists" are all inspired by someone.

I've been an artist my whole life. It is something you are born with for some and many find it later in life. We all reach our milestones in our own time.

I'm constantly inspired by so many amazing artist. The web is so full of them.

One of my favourite has to be Jean Tsai and her wonderful photography. (click the link)

I've seen very similar images on the web by other wonderful aspiring artist who may claim origin and birth of their own creations, but the real truth is we all learn from each other.

In my opinion only amateurs and people who have very little confidence in their own abilities and work ethics and talent can feel intimidated by other artists who do indeed know who they are, where and how deep their roots grow in the passion, respect and artistic flair. It reflects in their work.

The point is to be inspired and work towards those amazing passions, reaching with all your might for all you believe in and not allowing yourself to be expired before reaching those goals, dreams and desires.

Being an artist is not about feeling superior. It is about advancing and focusing on self fulfilment and desired destination. Each artist walks their own path. Art in any form is not a competition and not about who got there first and it is certainly not about winning. Each art is expressive in their own birth, name, brush stroke, type, music note, abstract, macro, etc. Not everything is eye appealing to everyone. That is the diversity of true art and freedom of expression.

"It is not the destination we must focus on but the journey itself."

We are all winners as long as we believe in what we dream and continue reaching for what we believe in.

Love,
Janette

Beautiful

2012-02-19T10:17:00.000-08:00

For beautiful eyes look for the good in others,

for beautiful lips,

speak only words of kindness,

and for poise,

walk with the knowledge that you are never alone.

Audrey Hepburn

Love,

Janette

Ugly

2012-02-19T09:58:00.000-08:00

All existing things are really one.

We regards those that are beautiful and rare as valuable,

and those that are ugly as foul and rotten.

The foul and rotten may come to be transformed

into what is rare and valuable,

and the rare and valuable into what is foul and rotten.

Zhuangzi

Love,

Janette

Queens

2012-02-17T20:11:00.000-08:00

Sometimes in life there are people who are simply meant for each other. There are those who care passionately, work very hard to build their character and uniqueness to establish a good and credited reputation in the artistic community, they pursue their dreams and follow through every step of the way. And then there are the ones on the opposite end of the spectrum.

Here are real people - then here we have drama queens - and finally everything in betweens.

People who think they know it all, who think that life is just meant to simply revolve around them, they throw temper tantrums to get their way in life, they lie and cheat their way into success, manipulate men and women to fall at their feet, they cry merciful pleads and play head games. They often get what they want by mean of manipulation, trash talk and gossip. Drama doesn't follow them. They create it themselves.

They are insecure beings, vanity is their best friend while they seek superficial friendships to fulfil boredom and to fill a hole where deep spiritual self reflection should exist. They are like a black hole sucking good and kind people in and spitting them out dirty and used when they are done with them, tossed like trash. I see this all the time on television and it makes me cringe. This individual has a purpose for you, they are calculative this way.

People like this seldom have their own characteristics developed. Rather they are copy cats themselves and mimic others and the material society, absorbing people's ideas and visions, styles and flair. They blame others for right out stealing their ideas, fashion, originality, talent and such while they are thieves themselves.

It's all about winning, nothing else matters to them. These people are beyond the healthy competitive edge. They are always paranoid, grabbing onto any type of sympathy from anyone making up long sob stories of friendships that which suddenly ended, holding no responsibility for their actions. Another of many - red flags! Who flags these days?

Seldom do these individuals hold any backbone to their madness of chaos in their heads. Conceited scatterbrains! They are in need of much soul healing. People cannot even compliment them, because a story or friendship has to be born and die in order for their drama filled world to blossom.

I'm not generalizing. It's not any different then cats and dogs. Some want to be petted and some hiss & growl.

There is a distinctive purpose to those individuals too. They become the leaders in their little social groups, often seek attention by screaming for it until it is given while sadly they are loners at heart while looters of hearts. They dismiss anyone offering deeper then the superficial skin deep connection, often break hearts while they cry and make up stories of being so hurt by the world and other people. They often have extravagant stories to tell. They are very spontaneous with their actions and very cut throat. Merciless and heartless. They delete aspects of life that should be faced and so much more..........

There is only one person I could possibly have in mind -- ONLY ONE -- as I type this ridiculous blog while all I can do is laugh to myself fully and whole heartedly, thanking all my blessings and for most part those who know me -- do know I would not do such a thing, but then there is always that one person that does.

The QUEEN. You're so vain - you probably think this blog is about you too! Don't you? (love that song)

Cheers!

PS: My sincere apology to all my amazing wonderful chums, loyal friends, readers and real people out there. I just had to write this bullshit blog as my character was recently attempted to be tarnished by someone who accused me of being a thief and a copy cat without the decency to say it to my face only spreading rumours, and who simply won't go away politely while continuously stalking my blogs. Again, so sorry to the rest. I think this will get a message across. xox

Nobody

2012-02-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

- BE -

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best,

night and day, to make you everybody else

means to fight the hardest battle

which any human being can fight;

and never stop fighting.

- E.E. Cummings -

Love,

Janette

Tea for Me - my Valentine

2012-02-14T13:16:00.000-08:00

This Valentine I was ill and the only thing that made me feel soothed was this exquisite cup one of many left to us by my late mother-in-law and not to mention the power of the herbal Echinacea tea. I did not publish my writings due to being totally unaware of my thoughts, so they are all coming at once from their dormant awaiting. ♥

Mindy McGregor is the fabulous artist behind this image.
Her work is incredible. Please take a moment to visit her link.

Love & Light,
Janette

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

2012-02-11T15:11:00.000-08:00

A lone wolf is a wolf that lives independently, rather than with others as a member of the wolf pack. This term is also used when referencing people who exhibit characteristics of introversion or a strong preference for independence. When together wolves hunt in packs. There is always one leader.

"You keep crying wolf when you are the wolf in sheep's clothing."

This Little Red Riding Hood is not afraid of one big bad wolf.

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves;

so be shrewd as serpents and innocent as doves.
- Matthew 10:16 -

Love,
Janette

You never stop LOVE

2012-02-10T06:41:00.000-08:00

You never stop loving someone,

you either never did,

or you always will....♥

Some people are talkers not doers. They say they get it but they really don't.

Blah, blah, blah....chirp, chirp, chirp.

Like children, they too need direction into the truth, trust and belief, otherwise they maintained the lost sheep amongst the wolves. Get out of the darkness and let yourself be blinded by the light.

Happy Friday - Love,

Janette

Love & Light of Mona Lisa

2012-02-08T15:20:00.000-08:00

We all have someone that we admire, someone extra ordinary, a hero, visionary, teacher, artist, whom ever it may be, we all have an idol. For me it has been Leonardo Da Vinci. He became someone extra ordinary to me later in life, through my childhood history and a constant vision that is nearly uncanny. A vision that haunts my past, present and future yet in a positive light.

Growing up in Czechoslovakia, Europe - we had one of Leonardo's famous paintings. The Mona Lisa and of course it was the replica otherwise we would perhaps be the wealthiest bunch of Slovaks on the planet. The painting that clearly could not be avoided by anyone entering our home, stared at me daily and those eyes watched me grow into my young pre-teens. There was something about those eyes.

Mona Lisa

I didn't realize this until my later years that it is in those same eyes and the face of Mona Lisa that a message has been secretly hidden and still remains un-decoded. Can you imagine - a secret message somewhere in the painting, constructed by one of the most brilliant people who existed on Earth.

For me as a little girl, the eyes of Mona warned me to be cautious, remain loyal, kind, giving and pursue my passions all in one word. She was my alphabet for goodness and a warning of those evil. It was something instilled into me by those eyes of Mona as if she could pierce my essence by her look and see right through me. She followed me across a room. She could see everything I did.... everything and always. She knew.

As a child I had no clue who she was, who painted her and what her purpose was in my home. At times I found her eerie and sneaky peeking at me through my parents glass bedroom door. When I was at my peek of mischief and happen to walk by her, she stirred me off my course of "bad" and into the light where I could almost envision her saying "no, no, no child" with a soft and gentle voice.

She was nearly as an important idol as Jesus and as a Roman catholic Jesus stands in the utmost highest along with God for me.

"Love shows itself more in adversity than in prosperity,

as light does; which shines most where the place is darkest"

~ ME ~

"THE EYES" are a gateway to our soul.

Now that I am older I often seek her image on the Internet. There is something soothing about her look, yet at times her mere look reminds me of a past I rather forget. Those eyes, that I lived and altered my paths by are a secret gateway to her soul. I see Leonardo in her eyes.

A look, a glance and one knows who, what, where and how. Leonardo was invaluable. Genius. Amazing. His essence filled with knowledge, love, lights, shadows and that power to comprehend humanity.

My grandma for one had another Leonardo's famous paintings, The Last Supper. This is another entirely different story though of this painting inviting you to her master bedroom for a lengthy conversation.

On some level Mona brings me comfort for a brief second as a mother would. Her soothing stare no longer scares me as I am no longer a child but a mature confidant woman, it guides me to reach for a new milestone once I seek to overcome a hurdle. She tells me, "all will be well" just keep on believing on your path of discovery.

Believe - is such a powerful word.

There is so much more I'd like to know about Mona Lisa and I hope I live to see the day the mystery message placed within her is deciphered. I think her magnificence is locked in the mystery of the secret that Leonardo conveys in his untold story and his significant past and present impact rests in the hands of scholars and scientists studying his work. The lessons along with his teachings all lie within the structures of his images that which the brightest mathematicians cannot unveil.

Perhaps, for me the image represents the likeness to the daunting of one's adversaries. If I could focus hard enough, I could create such sombre stare and empower myself with all my courage to overcome all of my fears only to conquer them all.

Love & Light,

Janette

This February "Make Death Wait"

2012-02-06T06:47:00.000-08:00

I'm always looking to do amazing things with my children. If that wasn't enough, I wanted to do something society contributing with my daughter for her to learn the concept and principal of being a loving, carrying contributing citizen in our world, when I received a phone call in October from Heart and Stoke Foundation. It was about canvassing the neighbourhood for donations and raising funds for the great cause - Make Death Wait.

The lady was so nice on the phone and offered me a choice of choosing odd or even numbers of homes on my street to canvas. I suggested I'll do both. She was so pleasantly surprised, I could swear that I heard her smile on the other end.

When I disclosed this information to Kendra, my 8 year old daughter she was simply tickled pink with excitement while all I (as an adult approaching my forties) could think of was the cold bitter month of February walking door to doors while I myself dislike solicitors.

Nevertheless, I agreed to do this to for many amazing reasons main one being that I love helping others and I wanted my daughter to learn this from her mother. Giving.

I became a volunteer about a month ago, getting excited as the month approached. My girl was excited too. Our package of canvassing material arrived few days ago, it was left hanging on our doorsteps as we missed the person in charge to deliver our start up volunteer package.

As I am an entrepreneur myself I already have acquired the many skills it takes to speak to people in terms of helping others, donating, informing them of great causes, etc. The reason I wanted my daughter to be involved was for her to experience many things two of which are being part of a dynamic team that is not seen on surface but belonging in a way that is higher then she can comprehend, and the other is feeling something amazing in her heart. A reward of self satisfaction by helping others in need, to go that extra little bit and push yourself beyond your limits to help others.

Your package comes with all the items you need right down to the pen. You'll get pamphlets, tax return slips and instructions of how to fill everything & deliver the news to each person and home you visit.

"By going door-to-door in your neighbourhood during the coldest month of the year, you'll be warming the hearts of thousands of Canadians affected by heart disease and stroke. Last year, over $8 million was raised thanks to the fundraising efforts of people like you."

About 7 years ago I did a mother/daughter walk for Cheerios with my 1year old girl pushing her in the stroller, where I have also raised over $275.00 walking 5 km. It was hard work, but it left me feeling absolutely amazing that I could help in some way. At the time, I was also pregnant with my second child and didn't even know it. It made my heart feel so good to be part of such a great and rewarding event. I know this is going to be another memorable event.

I think this February helping in "Make Death Wait" will be a rewarding experience for such a great cause. I urge you to donate a little time and effort in the community and help this great cause.

To make your pledges on line please visit my DONATION PAGE. Every single dollar makes a difference.

Thank you so much for your donations. Your support will help save lives just like in Owen's Story above.

Love,
Janette

Tea is on me

2012-02-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

If life wasn't hard enough for some of us moms. Helping a friend when she needs my help is something given. No questions asked, no need to repay me, ever, I'm there in a heartbeat. It is what friends do for each other.

I have to acknowledge this cutest gesture from my friend when I picked up her little girl to take her to school and bring her home one of the days this week, while her sibling remained home not feeling well. As the little girl enters my van while mommy stands waving on the porch, she hands me this translucent bag with a little note in it with a tea bag. "Thank you so much for..... please enjoy a cup of tea on me, Love T."

It's the little tiniest things that make the heart fill with love.

Tea's on me ♥

Have a wonderful happy Friday.

Cheers,
Janette

Paint your HE-ART

2012-02-02T06:29:00.000-08:00

I love painting, although there is nothing new that I've painted in a while close to 2 years. This piece is called Endless Journey and I know this is just too weird but the darker shape in the centre looks to me like the "horse" shaped old country I came from formerly known as Czechoslovakia.

The country no longer exists because it was split into two separate countries Slovakia and Czech Republics. I know my subconscious mind incorporated parts of my existence, experiences and my limitless continuous journey into this painting.

World of Dreams over to the right was done about a month after Endless Journey. At the time I was swamped with all kinds of ideas and I couldn't paint fast enough my visions & conceptual abstract thoughts.

For me painting feels so free. It happens at the most unexpected times and I just pick up a brush and go for it, usually starting a stroke onto the canvas that freaks me right out my skin when I do this. Canvas isn't cheap so I take the chance with the initial stroke and then it seems I've broken the ice or surface tensions by my initial blob of paint and everything else follows so freely and smoothly.

Never Alone was done with many thoughts in mind. It began with a red spot near the middle of my canvas. I knew what I wanted to paint was RED as it is my desired choice of colour to depart onto canvas, I just didn't have a vision at the time. It turned out to be one of the most favoured pieces on RedBubble online gallery and community with many features including the home page feature.

I have also submitted the copy of this piece to our local Armoury on Remembrance Day in November 11, 2009 while I attended the event to honour our soldiers. I was later sent a thank you card and informed that the piece hangs in their mess-hall where it has the chance to be admired.

With experiments and determination great things are born. Who knew I could do realism as well. It took patience and the process was slow but it has taught me that I can do anything I set my mind into. Lion Cub was painted from an original photograph I took at our local zoo when I volunteered for my daughters school trip. I followed the details closely and he was born.

I've had many people offer me instant cash for this piece and I've turned them down each time. I think this piece represents the fact I can do realism but also that I am strong & unafraid to pursue and follow anything I desire, just like the lion.

Tulip Tango was a piece I have done around the time I painted the few pieces above. I was experimenting with water colours at the time as I found many amazing water colour artists behind my inspiration at the time. Needless to say, I`ve taken the chance and entered it into a local art show and it won 4th place so it cannot be as bad as I thought originally.

Artists are the worst self-critics. In a way we are perfectionists as what we envision has to fit with that we are placing onto the canvas or paper.

While all pieces above were painted at the beginning of the year 2009 the next one over to the right was done near the end of the year.

Roots of Gaia was a commission piece requested to follow a certain colour palette and the request was no red. I found this not only challenging because I think I`ve had read in almost every single of my pieces, it is a colour that represents life for me and it is urgently required by my mind & vision to be included.

However, to my surprise I have discovered that red does not have to represent such "life" for me because green can have the same affect. As I painted this piece & flowed with my vision departing each stroke onto the canvas, I didn't know what the final result would become. I followed a gut feeling, an urge to twist my brush, add a little white here, black there and then about half way through I saw the vision my mind's eye saw. Gaia was born. The goddess of creation, the earthly mother of the source we are all connected to.

Initially I was nervous as heck to give the final piece to the client as I hoped it would be eye appealing and welcomed. It was nothing short of just that. If anything it gave me more confidence in my artistic abilities & to never give up on my passions.

With a little rest now for over 2 years I think my itch to pick up the brushes is nearly peeked to the surface and I cannot wait what my heart departs next onto the blank canvas.

Thank you so much for stopping by and have a wonderful Thursday.

Love,

Janette

One day to live – making every second count.

2012-01-30T16:09:00.000-08:00

Does anyone believe in second chances any more?

Did you ever ask yourself what you would do if you had only one day left of living?

I think about that all the time. I think society is so busy focusing on theactual daily routines that we don’t often stop & think how we act, live, ifwe aspire or inspire. Are wejust co-existing amongst mankind and consuming oxygen?

Today, I lived with just that powerful thought in my mind. I didn't do anything extra ordinary like going sky diving or spent a whole whack of money foolishly on lavish things, but truthfully my heart was filled with sadness. I felt the weight of the world upon my shoulders, just as I felt the weight of one simple unresolved issue with someone who once had a special meaning to me.

Before I go any further, you should know that I simply have zero enemies. I may have people in my life who don't understand me or entirely know me and made decisions not to have me in their life. That is something I cannot change. I've had lovers and boyfriends who will always be part of my heart & even they don't have any anger from me, only good wishes. With that said, I still feel unsatisfied with some issues that pangs my heart into the abyss of darkness where only light wants to shine.

I'd like to think that every single person on this planet has the chance to alter their life every second they experience life. Just as the planet rotates, with each passing sunset a new day awakes us with brand new opened eyes. The world is so tiny when you take a look at the cosmos and how precious and small we all are. I would love nothing more then for people to just get along, find that inner peace within and pursue their passions in a courteous way without the bicker and back stabs. I really honestly wish that.

I grasp the concept of "Once bitten, twice shy" or "Fool me once shame on you & fool me twice shame on me" but I don't wish to exercise it. Why is that? Perhaps I truly wholeheartedly believe that life is what we make it and chances exist with each passing second. We are the ones in control of our destiny & only we can undo the done as well as do the unknown.

This may indeed be my day of revelation and tomorrow I may awake to some harsh and bitter rude awakening or sad news, but here I am taking a chance at something simply only my heart can sense with the tiniest speck of dust in a message to give to the world. Love each other more.

If you think about that for just a second, it is not thathard to imagine. A peaceful loving world that my soul feels, wants and desires. For you, for me and for the future of our kids. Love is so beautiful and powerful.

I've decoded the message of life. With my number sequence of 5261492 revealed to me few years ago, I've deciphered the code. I was given a message that only I could comprehend and decode and it is my duty to write about what I am learning & perceiving. I am a messenger.

Life slips away so quickly with such frailty and before we know anotherday is here, only to slide too with the rush of daily jobs & traffic, errands or whateverit may be. We are like little worker ants so focused on ourselves and our individuality, our tiny lives doing whatever the wind blows our way, where out there in the real world togetherness is what we all lack.

Perhaps the joy that one feels from the living is theexcitement and unexpected surprises along the days. The spontaneity along with unforeseen life’s unfoldingis what makes us all go round. To see the joy in the faces of those who tug on our heartstrings, the music that embraces and uplifts us, the constant tears that flow from the same pain, lived with different directions.

What if today was your last day?

I think about the 2012 Phenomenon all the time, where theend of civilization as we know it is suppose to come to an end and a possible new era willbegin. Many believe this is in fact theend of the world.

However, as abeliever in the higher dimensional power I cannot imagine the being some of us call "God" can be so destructive only to destroy all the beauty and wonder once upon a time created. Whoever we are, I believe we are all entitled to enjoy fully the goodness along with hardships in hopes that those hardest and toughest moments alter and expand our pea size minds and lead us towards the rainbow of graciousness, kindness and abundance we all seek.

I believe in the goodness of mankind and the gentle heart we are all capable of. The power of healing is higher then us and that we are all very capable of moving forward with lessons learned only to alter our higher consciousness, constantly altering our futures just as the energy is constant.

I will never stop believing that with LOVE, confidence, faith and belief - all things are possible.

I find it unsettling when NASA has a page on the end of theworld explaining in their own way the “Beginning of the End” and answering commonquestions. Here I am questioning what people would do if we had only one day to live, where my future seems so uncertain, in the hands of a greater power then I can fathom.

"Dear God, won't you give these humans another chance?"

It makes me ill to think that my children I gave birth to in hopes they become amazing contributing humans in this civilization could cease to exist with just one big bang. The truth is, it could happen any time.

Tonight could be the last night I close my eyes and never to awake, but if that shall be my destiny - I just want everyone to know that I loved & cared my deepest, hardest and with all my might. I hope I left footprints in each of your hearts.

I believe in second chances and I shall believe them that much more in my afterlife.

Today, right now, this very second you have a gift of life, embrace the ones you love, give thanks and praise and make a difference in your life. It's never too late.

May the heavens shine upon you with the grace of infinite love.

Big Hugs,
Janette

Hello Earthlings

2012-01-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

Earth

Credit: NASA/NOAA/GSFC/Suomi NPP/VIIRS/Norman Kuring

While I can totally assure you I am a human, many times I've questioned my origin. With all this extraterrestrial influence according to the multiple shows and documentaries on television, one has to wonder. These drawings of the alien influence according to dating thousands of years back has over 75% of humans questioning the same thing. Are we alone?

We are all human and all equal. Or are we? I'm sharing my experience of what I believe was an invader right here on Earth in my story below.

I'd like to believe that we all stem from the same DNA and evolve according to our upbringing, principals and morals instilled into us as we grow up to become adults.

With all my life's hardships and obstacles I've never questioned certain things about myself until the last decade of my 39 years on Earth. Who am I?

On the outside I am a female, still fairly young approaching mid-life, tall, slender, brown eyes with brown hair, pretty much an ordinary average human. I am friendly and approachable. I've managed to accept the fact I am an Empath and my story can be read in the link.

The inside is something people cannot see. Your soul, compassion, tenderness and even anger. People don't see the inside of people because they are camouflaged by their appearance and masked by their persona. We all wear masks. Let's face it. We hide our sadness, pain, fears and whatever it may be individually. There is not one human on Earth who is not afraid of something.

Now the question is; could some of us appear human and not be?

Please allow me the opportunity to introduce myself. I am not like you, any of you. I'm me with my own DNA structure, composed of my own brilliance and quirkiness. I'm a human. Fragile, carrying and compassionate on the inside yet strong and powerful on the outside driven by chemical reactions of heightened adrenaline and I could be as savage as an animal. Our own characteristics are the separation equal to the attractions within ourselves and to each other. We all have multiple personalities. Clinically, no but experiencing life yes!

There are thousands of ways we could act, react and live out our lives and yet, the path we are currently on - how many of you look at that as the road to self discovery you dreamed of? Does it reflect who you are?

Our priorities constantly change as we change and alter our desires and as our mind expanses beyond what we thought we were capable of. We go through life like ticking time bombs, absorbing, taking it all in, filtering and then blowing up into all directions we so desperately want.

Some see or sense the future and some have healing powers, gift of remote viewing, speaking with the dead, brilliant scientists with constant new discoveries or whatever it may be. Some on the other hand appear regular average humans with no specific focus on special gifts or powers. They are workers, mothers and fathers, stay at home moms, caregivers, teachers, doctors, etc. However, most of these people have an interest in something like singing, art, science, history, photography or creating something, whatever it is, it's awesome. We are all special, unique and wonderful.

If we take a close look at ourselves, we have to question what it is we want out of life, with the constant urge to grow, learn and experience what it is we came here to do. What drives us? Where will we be 20 years from now?

My world consist of observing people and how they act and conduct themselves. I know I came here on a mission that is higher then me. I befriend people all the time. I want to feel their life, sense their living and help them if I can. Why do I do this? I do believe it is because of who I am and what my mission still not entirely known to me, came here to accomplish. I do believe in the essence and spirit of higher inter-dimension of ourselves. It's still us, but resides on a different plateau of existence experiencing life through us, humans in our flesh. While our bodies allow us to feel, touch and sense with all our senses I pay attention to the mind - our brain - we all hold and that is capable of thousand percent more then what it does.

Do you ever sit there quietly practising the power of levitation or to move objects? I do.

I've done things in the past that have freaked me right out of my skin and perhaps I've tapped into things that I wasn't ready for. Now that I am older I frequently creep back into those foreign things as they intrigue me beyond my own fears. We are all capable of so many amazing things that are totally beyond our comprehension.

Where on the outside I'm fun, creative, exploring type of being, on the inside I'm very soft when it comes to my heart & feelings. I hurt so easily but at the same time, I forgive easily. I can so with definite truth say that if my arch nemesis (if I had one) or anyone that has hurt me ever, would come to knock at my door, I would invite them in for tea or coffee and we could talk it out & work it out. Am I naive? No. I am confident in who I am & what my level of compassion and forgiveness handles.

Recently, at my age of 39 I had to accept the most odd recent behaviours from a couple of people. This juvenile behaviour can only happen due to the conflict of "youngins" versus "old souls" and it is clear to me young souls find an appealing attraction about me until I make no more sense to them. I feel confident these people will never forget me & hope they hold precious whatever they have learned from me.

It has taken me a while to grasp the concept of this but I had to. Not everyone on Earth is here to make friends with everyone. It so evident by action of some people that they are here for themselves, even if comfortable in their little bubble living, pursuing whatever it is they do. These people are seekers of themselves, their higher self that is as they clearly are on a path of self discovery through their fleshy matter. These are the same people who hold materialistic people at value, tangible shiny objects dear and precious and seldom do they reflect inward to alter because it isn't something they care to polish.

I'm a humble human. So so humble. I live in a lavish home due to a generous heart of a great man who I had the privilege calling dad. If it wasn't for my children to give them a nice home, I could care less where I lived to be honest. If I was alone, I know I would already be in a foreign country assisting some research on a mission of aiding and helping others in need.

The greed from certain family members who are clearly unpolished have caused my human body and mind to endure quite the pain and stress since dad's passing. I have to accept my life currently as is, and pursue the unfolding with faith and belief that there are lessons to be learned here on Earth, even if the consequences are of those actions unloaded upon us by foul beings that live among us, even if we hold relations to them.

Not everyone on Earth called human is fully-fledged to the title of a human. Some are just beings that cause pain, grief, scars and leave the stench of disgust in our memories. These are impostors that reside in the fleshy matter, masked as humans living among other earthlings. They eat, sleep, work and breathe.

I've taken a long hard look at so many opportunities that I've had thus far to observe, sense and feel our civilization. Although I am a believer of God and goodness of the human heart, I've had to accept things that I no longer have the privilege of unknowing. We cannot erase the mind and undo what it knows.

My experience of an invader:

Few years ago I was standing in a line at our famous "Walmart" market. While the individual in front of me looked like just an average woman, I soon found out she wasn't. She was standing behind her basket of this long line up, while I casually stood there behind her checking my basket of my goodies. I got an unusual sensation from this woman and she hasn't even looked at me yet. Her aura was off, yes I see them at times, and her entire sense of smell, sensation and vibration was totally off the charts. Her light did not vibrate on "earthlings" wavelength and I get chills even now thinking about this experience. On the outside looking at her with your eyes, she looked absolutely normal. One would never know she was an impostor.

As I stood there, many things raced through my mind as my mind never rests and the thought for a brief split second popped into my head, "oh, she's probably alien or something & bleeds green blood" and almost instantly as I thought this simple innocent thought, she turned right around as if she heard me, looked right into my eyes with her piercing aerie look and the only thing I remember feeling, sensing, hearing but not with my human ears was "I heard you & I see you". My knees buckled as I tried to maintain my composure.

I don't know what the look on my face was or if her look on her face changed to the alien monster that I envisioned later but I wish I could have this moment on camera.

I swear I've never been more afraid in my life then at that split moment. She then casually turned around and tended to her shopping cart as if this exchange of telepathy never even occurred. After few seconds, I was hoping to experience another thought to confirm what just happened but my mind wasn't working. I was in a state of shock/freeze and my mind did not work right at all and I could not focus on anything to form even another thought like that in my mind. My body felt limp and I got slightly nauseated. Time itself seemed to have sped up because I don't even remember paying for my items and before I knew it I was in my car driving home.

It wasn't until later that evening I wrote down what happened and this is how I was able to remember the event to write about it.

Now, I had a similar angelic experience too few years after this one, which was absolutely opposite and filled me with light and I shall write about that one soon.

There are many points here. This could have been an ordinary person, with extra ordinary powers. She could have been telepathic or she could have been an alien invader. The truth is I will never know for sure but my gut tells me she wasn't of this earth.

This is only one of my extra ordinary experiences here on Earth I have such a privilege feeling, learning, experiencing. I've since then altered my my thoughts on how I would approach another similar situation. Instead thinking they are an alien, my thoughts are "hello Earthling, what are you here to experience"? I think it is less threatening to a possible invader.

Have an amazing Friday folks.

Love,

Janette

A love Letter

2012-01-25T11:40:00.000-08:00

This year as my husband and I laid there quietly on the brink of sunrise, he quietly asked me what I would like for my birthday. I paused for a moment and without hesitation asked for one thing. A love letter.

His quick sigh somehow confirmed how difficult this would be on his behalf since he's a man of few words & we haven't had to exchange in written form anything since our hand written wedding wows. It is true to every single ounce of his actions that actions do speak louder then words, especially where this man is concerned. He's in every way amazing.

We have a one of a kind soulful love and beautiful relationship & I fell in love with him the first time we met. He is genuine and kind and everything I stand for what a husband and father should be. I am so blessed. He is a humble righteous man who stands for all good of mankind and our souls & passions parallel towards common lifelong goals.

I shall be so lucky to have him by my side as I inhale my last breath.

It is true what they say that behind every great man stand a great woman, however I find this is mutual. He's my rock, along with our beautiful children I cannot imagine another life other then the one I have with him. Yes "I do blame him for everything" and that's somehow understood between us in a quirky way, however at the end of the day he's the one I await to return home safe into my arms, share a meal with, snuggle up to at night and say goodbye to every morning, only to repeat.

We have a good life together. Through the beautiful times and even struggles & hardships at the end of it all we have our cosmic immense love that carries us through life & all we have is our loyal word to each other. As he said "In love it is love that loves through us and we must push aside all of the useless background noise created by untrue spirit and righteousness."

Now, I did laugh at first as the upper part of his letter to me felt more like an instruction manual from his heart to mine, with details of his passion for me as this man who's clearly a technical, intellectual and beautiful mind perceives to cover all angles so eloquently and he does it so precisely. Although, it is a private letter I will hold dear I'm only sharing a tiny passage above & a famous poem below.

There is this amazing centre part of the letter that brought tears to my eyes how beautifully it was written, strongly yet delicately with understanding of our love, passion and loyalty to each other. He knows me more then I thought. He is incredible. "As I did gave him my hand to hold and my heart to keep, so help me God." I didn't know how truly remarkable our connection would develop and how deeply our love would grow.

As I read and re-read his deciphered words, my eyes filled and refilled with tears as each word pulled at my heartstrings as I realize his message to me in a human written form couldn't possibly even begin to tap on the feelings of the heart & soul. Then, I realised how could I have asked him for such a difficult task when I have never written one for him. I will treasure it forever.

One of my favourite ending of the letter was this famous poem & somehow I understand it even more:

How do I love thee? Let mecount the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

my soul can reach, when feeling out of sight

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of every day’s

most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old grief’s, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning

My message to you folks, love each other. The lifeline is shorter then we think and the beauty exists in all those things untouchable and unseen while the wonder with excitement remains in the words unspoken.

Love,

Janette

Act of kindness & pay it forward.

2012-01-23T13:47:00.000-08:00

I was always taught to perform an act of kindness every day. Whatever it may be a huge one or the smallest act, it's all significant. At the same time, I find that the people who appear least deserving of your kindness are the ones you should indeed perform your good deed to.

A single act of kindness throws out roots in all direction,

and the roots spring up and make new trees.

The greatest work that kindness does to others,

is that it makes them kind themselves.

- Amelia Earhart -

When I was a little girl & we took street carts to the city and it was jammed pack with people while my grandma told me to sit, who was clearly older then me while she stood I knew deep down the rules she taught me. As soon as an elderly lady or man entered the cart I would stand up and offer up my seat. It's just how I was brought up and it cannot be changed now, it's part of who I am.

In my teens I was at our local down town market square with few friends while a lady walked out of the restroom with a wad of toilet paper dragging by her shoe and while my friends chuckled I quickly ran up to her and told her to save her unpleasant embarrassment. I was nudged and poked why I told but I could care less what my friends thought of me.

About 5 years ago I was driving through Tim Horton's. I decided to pay for the vehicle behind me their purchase and with my luck it was only two cups of coffee. I paid for it and drove away while the lady at the window gave me a huge sincere smile. No thank you was needed from the recipient unknowing behind me and it left me feeling absolutely amazing. These are just few of the countless times for me for some reason reflected today.

It doesn't matter how the pay it forward is returned to you or if ever is. I just love doing these kinds of things and it always feels pretty amazing. There are no words to describe the feeling. About a year ago, it happened to me. Someone actually bought me my coffee while in the drive through line and I immediately thought about my action few years prior. All I could do was smile all the way home.

The truth is, kind things have always happened to me. Now that I am older, I reflect on them and it's amazing how beautiful the circle of return is.

What about an act of kindness towards a human who perhaps doesn't like you and when you help them, they don't even know about it? I've done it multiple times too. There is something so appealing to help a person who would least expect it from you.

It doesn't matter if the people know or don't know about your help and I rather they did not. If you can help anyone it's all the same as is the inner reward.

Help is universal and speaks all languages. People can be so uptight and hung up on so many issues in life, they so easily forget the simple human nature of some things that cannot be explained.

The way I look at it, you either get it or you don't.

It is not how much you do,

but how much love you put

into the doing that matters.

- Mother Theresa -

Love,
Janette

The "F" word while turning 93

2012-01-23T13:03:00.000-08:00

There is something magical about birthdays. Everyone wants their special day to be filled with fun & laughter, amazement and significance celebrating their day of birth. This year I got just that. AMAZING beyond words!

First of all, my birthday has always been about wanting to celebrate it with my mom. I've held the highest respect for her my whole life & the fact she gave me life and brought me into this world. Becoming a mother myself only reconfirmed the love she feels for me as my love for my own children is colossal.

It began yesterday with the incredible surprise of a fabulous camera cake my mom baked for me. The story of it is here but I'll still have to give credits with photos below.

Birthdays just like Christmas have never been about gifts for me. I've so enjoyed the little things my kids have made me over the last few years and each birthday is special and unique. Even prior to that... I'd lie if I didn't get excited receiving a thoughtful gift because I would love it, however it has never been about anything materialistic. This one however somehow tops the charts on my "b-day-meter" and if another like this ever happens again, only time will tell.

My son who is 6 was barely awake on Sunday morning with his eyes still sleepy as I sipped on my cup of brew asked me in confusion, "momma you turned 93"? and then his eyes got even bigger as he looked over at me. It put a smile on my face and I nearly choked on my coffee. He picked up the two candles on the counter from the cake my mom baked for me the night prior & he was puzzled for a minute. It was so priceless, and yet the "F" word was never mentioned at all.

I got deliveries of flowers, birthday cards, special and delicious dinner cooked by my amazing husband, earrings from my baby girl she got "with daddy's money" as she said, a lovely cross & so many surprises throughout the day. I loved all of it!

First of all, I've been holding back a little if I haven't let on that the fact I'm approaching the turn of another decade is literally around the corner. The "F" word somehow ever so slightly bothers me but not because of age. I don't believe age has anything to do with how we feel on the inside. I embrace my years & hopefully age gracefully. I think it's just the concept of the "age" itself as people seem to be going through some midlife crisis and I totally don't feel remotely to my age.

Good friend has told me that I'm actually 39 plus 9 months and that makes sense. Closer to the "F" word then I thought. haha!

Turning forty doesn't scare me. There I said it. It's been a joke in my family for probably 5 years since I've reached the "over the hill" mark after 35. I think mostly women are the ones affected by these number sequence of keeping track of years lived. For me, I've always told my kiddies, when the years get closer the "F" word is not to be said. "Mommy is and always will be 29" I told my kids, no matter who asks you. Keeping a light heart about it of course as only I know the depth of it's meaning & the reason behind the "F" word.

Ok, the fact we call it the "F" word is because of many reasons.

We do not call anyone fat, rather plump or well build.

We do not say any "F" bombs especially the ones mommy and day may slip.

We do our best not to say fart but toot.

We do not say find rather reach to "find" something.

And we do not under any circumstance say forty when it comes to mom.

Beautiful card and a cross from the kiddies and my husband

JanetteDengo.com PHOTOGRAPHY

Earrings from my baby girl bought with "daddy's money"

On the RIGHT is my amazing cake my mom baked for me.

JanetteDengo.com PHOTOGRAPHY

Card image from my little 3 month old nephew "boogie time" written inside.

Stuffed duckie from my nephew

received my 1st flowers by delivery

more flowers

And all of this and so much more that cannot be expressed in words and photos happened on my amazing day. Thank you Lord and friends for making me feel so loved and appreciated.

Love,

Janette

Happy Birthday with one amazing camera!

2012-01-21T20:22:00.000-08:00

While I celebrate the day my mom gave me life and brought me into this world, it has indeed became a day now that I'm older a day for me to do just that. Sometimes we shift things around a little & have to do it a day before and yet it still feels just same.

Amazing how we 'grow' up and priorities change. It isn't about gifts at all it is simply being able to have the privilege to be with the ones we love, while they are with us. For me, on my birthdays, I celebrate my mom & her life too because if it wasn't for her, my life wouldn't be.

Being just a kid always resonates in the soul and even though I'm not a little girl anymore, my mom made me feel in absolute amazement today and so happy. My eyes filled with tears.

This Nikon moment has been stolen by this amazing Canon and I didn't mind at all.

Her GIFT to me that I will never forget and - yes - it's a cake.

Incredible and amazing. She poured 15 hours of labour love into this baby. I'm the luckiest lady on the planet to have a mom like mine and she shows me every time she gets the chance. I will never forget the joy in her face as I opened it. For both, I'm sure it was priceless picture moment.

I think the universe is trying to tell me that this year will be pretty amazing.

I love you so much mom. Thank you for my incredible life.

Love,

Janette

Simple

2012-01-21T07:41:00.000-08:00

Life

"LIFE is simple - it is people who complicate it"

Life's but a walking shadow,

A poor player that struts and frets his hour upon the stage.
And then is heard no more: It is a tale told by an idiot,

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

~ William Shakespeare ~
Macbeth, 5. 5

Have a wonderful weekend,

Love,

Janette

Crazy life - so perfect

2012-01-20T15:40:00.000-08:00

Yes. Beautiful. Twisted. Sad. Happy. Seen. Heard. Tasted. Felt. Written. All together - perfectly crazy.

There is something soothing after a huge ripple in my week. Well, one that felt like a flipping title wave no kidding, no matter how heated it got, no matter how mad or sad I became at a situation nor how much I've cried, my week ends on the same note but the feeling somehow uplifted. Thank gawd!

After numerous quick conversations today my heart began feeling lighter after the crazy morning & week. Revealing something so personal & sharing with another female today summarizing my few past years left me so empowered and filled with decisions I simply must do. Do not neglect yourself. You come first!

We question how normal we are and others too how they act, if this or that is normal - but we are all human. Let's face it. My normal, is totally not your normal, and your normal could be the best or totally blah.

Decisions we make have to be the best ones for us & we can't always look at others and how it affects them. In the end, we do what is right for us & we have to. Considering all respectable levels of discipline and conduct. Sometimes people make decisions for us and even if we don't know it or question it - why, don't understand it, it remains to be a leap of faith that the path is ours and we have to walk it. Alone. Even if a decision was made for you & forced you to alter a path, it is really not that bad. That's life. I believe the good Lord knows best and leave it up to fate.

The clinical definition of ultimate high/lows is bi-polar perhaps when the norm takes a turn and twist into the dips of abnormal highs and lows & uncontrollable rage surfaces from that and I've seen a share in my life from people that I have no control over if they are or are not in my life. Knowing who you are and how you handle yourself is all you can rely on at the end of the day. People aren't crazy. Life is. Even if the people in it appear crazy or totally uncontrollable & spiteful, it's the life.

Today, finally I've come to terms with few issues that have felt like a giant elephant sitting on my chest & had to deal with, where people in my life are concerned. Family, friends it's all the same. I feel so much lighter.

Their shit, is their shit. There is no sugar coating it. My shit is mine and why mix it up. That would be pretty shitty! I know what's best for me and that's all that matters.

Seeking inner peace is what does it for me, sharing, talking with someone who can perhaps understand your situation and empathize. Then there is the nature. LOVE the nature and connecting to it. It revives me.

There are also my friends. God bless ya!! Those of course entitled to that crown. There are some very good listeners out there among my friends. Thank you for being what a friend is suppose to be and believing in me.

Crazy as it is and sounds...... life is perfect because of imperfections. Period! It would be boring otherwise. I accept that much. I'll take my crazy, roller-coaster, insane, spontaneous life over a boring life any day. With all that is thrown at me. I never say NO!

Thank goodness I can see it, heart it, taste it, smell it and feel it. I must be crazy! Are you?

Cheers,
Janette

Coffee time - mocha "the knock off"

2012-01-20T14:19:00.000-08:00

Ok, let's face it most people like the fresh ground coffee beans brewed in an early cup of morning coffee and I'm not much different then most. I think I mostly enjoy the aroma, that wakes me up and carries me downstairs.

But! Wait..... did I just say that?

Hell ya, I enjoy my fresh brew but - I am sometimes 'different' then the most, even though I sure enjoy my variety of coffee beans.

This is my mocha knock off. It takes less time and it's frothy and rich in taste. I for one don't care for the instant coffee but this sure makes it yummy. It is also a great base for rich, creamy, nutty - freshly baked coffee cakes.

Meet my European delicious quickie whipped coffee.

"It's so good it will melt your soul"

Ingredients:
1 teaspoon of instant coffee
1-2 table spoons of brown sugar (depends on how sweet you like your coffee)
Boiling water

Take the teaspoon of coffee and whip it with the sugar with few drops of room temp water until rich creamy froth forms. The more you whip it, the more lighter and vibrant the colour becomes. Once done, probably until your water boils, simply pour your boiling water over top of the mixture. Add cream or milk. Enjoy!

If you do get a little adventurous to make this, please do let me know what you think of it. I've had this since I was 15 (mind you only on the occasion) and I love it.

Happy Friday.

Cheers,
Janette

Devil’s Daughter

2012-01-19T09:37:00.000-08:00

You were once a light

That shined within my heart

And memories still echo

Of the love I wish upon you

Connected by spun ties

We are of the same dust

Yet opposing shaded essence

For black wings have you grown

Clearly you must bleed

Hate like ivy climbing your core

Leaving ghostly gashes upon those

You claim to love

Poison resonates in your words unspoken

So I have to ask

Are you the devil’s daughter?

Or are you broken?

January 19, 2012 by Janette Dengo

Distorted

2012-01-19T07:48:00.000-08:00

Warped on foot amongst mankind

In the absolute dark so blind

Without the laws of a chief head

And stench weight of the dead

Lives a lust of blood to root pain

In tormented mind so vain

Reflecting in the cracked mirror

Lays deformed face of terror

Not always practised though skilled

In twisted abnormality so filled

This distorted reality of unforgiving

Lost in underworld of living

Screaming in hushed narcotic brain

In sick sanity locked up insane

Blemished by tenets of mankind

While hiding the toxic mind

As it transmits beyond dimension

Of its main comprehension

Fooled knowing bitter zilch in all

Doomed taking leaps to fall

Where buried normality is aborted

Remain bones of the distorted

September 27, 2008 by Janette Dengo

Real or Fake?

2012-01-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

Friends.

It is by far the most uncomfortable feeling to sense a person's side that is absolutely two-toned, fake. You feel it, see it, you want to do something about it but you can't. They are your friend. Until they are not.

How does one ever approach the conversation? "Ahem, I don't like it when you have a face just for me & another one for her & one for your boyfriend, then one for your clients & one for your students"

Graphic work/design by - Janette Dengo

I've had multiple stories told to me by a friend who got so hurt by another female who clearly belonged on the screen with an Oscar for her performance. The lengths people go to - to cause grief to others blows my mind. They stoop to such low and dirty levels of saying garbage about you not only to authority figures (which alone is sickening) but to common friends who sometimes believe the lies only for you to loose those friendships too. Why do people do that?

Why does this happen? It breaks my heart to hear these stories from my friends, but then again perhaps this is why something similar happened to me. I suppose it happens to us so we can better understand what a friend has gone through and for us to feel their pain to comfort and understand them and be there for them in every way.

People play games! They say then don't but they do. They say they are honest but they are liars. They ask you to trust them only to bash your heart. Does that give them some power as these people are clearly control freaks of the society.

I thank my lucky stars each and every day that I have decent and kind, respectable people in my life, pretty much my whole life. Minus a few hick-ups in so called friendships, it's all a learning process.

I take everything as a lesson & in strides. Weather it's real or faked from others, it is not my problem. In the end, I do not worry my little heart over the devilish ways of people's conduct because I am not God. One day they will have to unwrap & reveal their sins caused to others, however the gracious light allows it.

What I do with my life is the only thing that is in my power and control. I know exactly who I am & I like who I am. Nobody will change me & my light. I will never become a hater, back stabber, liar and two faced because those cells do not exist in me.

My focus in life will continue with great power to help and change the world for the better - one person at a time and it always starts with ME.

Love,

Janette

Puppy Love - Taking a chance - Broken Hearts

2012-01-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

That was EASY. They call it puppy love.

It’s a love that you feel for another entity, be it ananimal or a human. It’s a feeling thatfeels good, light and absolutely normal. For the love to grow, you soon find yourself questioningdeeper feelings and seeking a mutual connection if it’s with a human.

It isn't any different then a dog. You feed it, walk it, nurture it, play with it and watch it grow. Love is the same. Why can’t it just stay puppy love? Because the dog grows up, that's why.

I’ve recently had my heart crushed. This is the second time around within a year forme especially in my adult years, and although it should not feel this heavy, itdoes. This was just puppy love, but I haven’t had to feel these feelings for over16 years. It was still in it's young stage, undeveloped fully and before it could it was ripped away. You wake up in the middle ofthe night with a sickening feeling that cannot be explained, wondering what youdid wrong. Questioning your everythought, move, word written... could I possibly have done or said something?

I can see how the opposite sex does this with the future outlook for seeking a partner and if no commonalities are found, the break up happens. It's normal. However when it happens between two females, there is something almost sickening about it. You wreck your brains over and over with what went wrong. Then after much meditating and guidance, you realize it isn't you after all who did this. Accepting things that don't make sense is one of the hardest things.

I've come to realize that even between friends, there is a certain level and a degree of attraction to the individual, be it opposite sex or platonic level. It's a normal way of being attracted to some and not others. After all, some men only seek the beautiful people on the outside and not on the inside and soon find themselves ditching those broads too. While others seen the beauty within & those are most of the time lasting relationships.

What is it about a person that prevents them on taking achance? Let it be on getting a puppy or opening up their heart to the world.

I took a chance. Not only have I had 2 dogs in my life now, I watched one succumb into cancer and as his needle was injected to fade the sparkle in his eyes - he died right in my arms. The pain I felt was indescribable. Why would I subject myself to that type of pain again? I got another dog a year later.

It takes patience, time and commitment to care and nurture these incredible animals to feel their love and loyalty back. They are amazing. They give you comfort and a certain amount of peace while petting them curled up by a fireplace. They know when you are sad or down, they sense danger and warn you. Animals aren't that different from people & friends. They are our companions and for the most part I think a dog just like a true friend can be equally loyal. Friends are people who are open to communicate, feel, express & mutually contribute into the friendship only for it to blossom.

I took a chance on love. I've had my heart & soul crushed my my biological father and yet I took few chances on boy friends who didn't last and one final one on my amazing husband. You have to. Otherwise you'll end up alone & empty.

Notknowing if there are mutual feelings from people and developing friendships, we continuously take chances. I took a chance to express my care andappreciation even though my heart got bashed. Will that ever stop me. Never.

Why can't humans be more like dogs?

I’ve been recently told that friends, people, us - we aredisposable. We all are. Well, I for one refuse to believe that. It is totally apparent that people are disposableto certain individuals then they are to others, by people's actions, reaction andconduct. Lack of belief in their friends and in themselves. These are shallow people who hold little respect towards mankind & the beauty of something far from tangible.

I am not disposable. Never will be. I matter, and I know I mean something huge to those who matterto me and make me feel loved & cared for. Just like I would never get rid of a dog that grew up and got in a way of my lifestyle even if it's at times tempting. If people could treat & cherish their friendships like they do their bellowed pets or children, and vice-versa, there would be a lot less heartache in the world.

Is it better to be the dumper or the dumpee? I don't know how many times I've asked myself that. Being dumped by half a dozen times in my life. Yeah, it sucks but I learned from those situations too and they shaped me into who I am today. I've only dumped twice. I've been the dumpee not because I cannot make a decision if to stay in a relationship let it be an ex-boyfriend or friend, but because I find attributes in everyone and focus on those. I do my best to always see positivity in everyone. I never take the easy ways out.

I find dumpers are strong willed people who know what they want and don't want. I also find that those individuals are people who make impulse decisions. In some ways they are brave but cowards to communicate on arespectable level to another human & to give closure to those who seek it. That delete key is just so darn “easy”isn’t it? Just like Staples - "that was easy"

"Go ahead - press it."

Whatever it is that scares people to run rather than accepta genuine means of friendships from another human is beyond mycomprehension. Humans, we are all cute, cuddly puppies, wanting to be loved. Perhapspeople are threatened by the vision of outgrowing the puppy years and that one day we grow up tobe a strong, fast, amazing animal unafraid of anyone and anything. A dog thathis/her bark is much bigger than the bite.

Puppy love exists in those and for those who have a heart & are capable to feel something amazing with their soul. Period! Those who don’t, can’t even fathom andappreciate the cuteness that exists in an animal’s eye, the innocence and basicnature of just to feel safe & be loved. These are the kind of people who get a puppy and when itgrows up, it’s not cute and cuddly anymore, they are annoyed by it, don't have the time to play with it or pick up after it & they just simply get rid ofit. Shame on them.

Life is not a staple's button and neither is love.

There is no command on the keyboard to reverse the decision of delete. The damage is done so why would there be one in life? Forgiveness and apology are the only means of healing and moving on.

Enjoy life and be happy. Love people and once in a while takea chance.

Love,

Janette

Gifted

2012-01-15T15:10:00.000-08:00

Although I'd like to write about the so many "gifted" artists out there who constantly inspire me to write, illustrate, paint and take photographs with so many ideas, this one is a little keepsake for me.

JanetteDengo.com PHOTOGRAPHY

Thank you so much to my clients who are so thoughtful and generous with their wonderful gifts, flowers & thank you cards. It means so much to me that I am appreciated. They put a smile on my face.

I love them all so much & I look forward to using this one by Arbonne after a long day of photoshoots.

Love,

Janette

Holding On Letting Go

2012-01-15T07:43:00.000-08:00

Sometimes we're holding Angels and we never even know........♥

Is anybody out there?
Is anybody listening?
Does anybody really know if its the end of the beginning?
The quiet rush of one breath
Is all we're waiting for
Sometimes the one we’re taking
Changes every one before..

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels
And we never even know
Don't know if we'll make it,
But we know,
We just can't let it show

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go
Yeah, we're letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go.

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed
Some prayers find an answer
Some prayers never know
We're holding on and letting go

You're Unforgettable.....

2012-01-12T21:25:00.000-08:00

What do you get when you put two women in a room together that go way back over 20 years & who are looking for an adventure? One amazing day!!

No wine was needed today, only a stage of cameras, lights, action, dressing and undressing, laughter, Adele's 19 & 21 and one hot model who gave it her all. She was simply fabulous. I experienced one of those days that goes down to history. It's safe to say I gave her exactly what she wanted and needed, while she provided me with further confidence, experience and one remarkable photo shoot.

Oh the fun I'll have for days editing. Oh the emails already with requests. Amazing!! Simply amazing..... & I love it!

I'm so looking forward to the fashion show I've got the opportunity to photograph too. This was just the boost I needed. I'm so pumped with everything upcoming. This is going to be the year.

When it rains it pours and I'm facing the rain smiling extended both hands up...... bring it on baby! My life is unforgettable because of all the people who make is so special, and that included YOU.

Thanks a million,

Janette

Little Treasures - A moment in time

2012-01-10T20:11:00.000-08:00

One of my absolute favourite things received to date has to be what my mom gave me only few days before Christmas this year. It was one of those special sunny yet busy days for me getting prepped for the holidays as we ran into each other at a local market. She said she bought me something and couldn't wait to give it to me. We checked out and paid for our goodies in the baskets and met out in the parking lot for a secretly shared ciggie (my bad) but what happened afterwards will remain with me forever. A moment in time.

When I opened up the package & saw the ornament I felt so absolutely loved, cared for, appreciated and simply treasured. In that one split moment I felt like a child again, giddy, in a state of awe how cute it was & then the moment happened. I felt those words. I felt them from her heart just as she was so excited to give it to me, I felt the absolute power behind the message she was trying to tell me.

I don't know if I could fully describe what I actually felt because it's nearly impossible to put it into words. I get teary eyed just thinking about it. My mom has always told me she loved me, her touch and gentle hugs are filled with love and care. It's due to getting older that we forget that we were little too once and a mother's precious child. A blessing. When I think about my mom and her getting older I get all emotional. I have friends who have already lost one parent or both and one of them is my hubby and I've lived it.

There are days I often reflect on my memories with my mom and I know this one so far has topped them all. Just as I know she won't be around forever, she has given me perhaps the nicest gift. A precious memory to hold onto when the gentle wind sweeps her ashes and to twinkling dust particles she delights.

I think what I loved about the entire exchange was the words inscribed and the meaning behind those beautiful words. This is the simplest little treasure but the message and everything I took from this was the most invaluable for me. So meaningful, so very powerful. I love my mom so very much & have always respected her maybe more then she knows.

We've had our share of fights but the bond between us is one of a kind. I'm so glad we found a way to communicate, express, trust & be ourselves with especially now that I'm older and a mother myself.

This year, she gave me the best gift she ever did (and there are 38 years filled with awesome gifts) and it wasn't even Christmas yet. I don't even think she knows how much it means to me. The ornament, the memory and most importantly the words that did not need to be spoken. It holds a key message for me to see, hold and feel when I need to feel reassurance that I am indeed someone very special to another human being and most of all a mother who gave me life. There is only one person who has carried you and nurtured you under her heart, in the womb and counted all your fingers and toes on the day you were born. A mom.

It is my absolute dearest little treasure that is not going away into the boxes of ornaments. No way! It will be hung in my office/studio and I will admire it as I gain strength and encouragement from it with twice the power. Thank you for loving me.

I love you mom with my whole heart.

Your one and only,

Mini Edit - the flower girl

2012-01-10T14:01:00.000-08:00

I love editing photos, even if the photography isn't mine. A lot of people know how to take beautiful photos... it's how they are edited vs. leaving them their raw state that transfers the photo into a beautiful keepsakes. If you do not know how to edit photos or don't have the expensive programs that it normally takes to do the magic, let the professionals do it. It doesn't cost too much and it is what most photographers love to do.

Here is a tiny peek at mini edit. Nothing fancy, just some alterations with lighting, cropping and few layering techniques to soften the background.

edited image

original image

If you are interested in any type of editing work of your favourite images, I'm so your gal. I love editing.

Have a happy day,
Janette

Miracle of a New Day.

2012-01-09T07:44:00.000-08:00

Today's miracle.... an opportunity to rejoice and marvel in the glory of new day.

"Perhaps this is why it is called PRESENT. A little gift from God to live another day."

Sunrises. I love them. A rebirth of a new day and new adventures. For me, I always thought that I live each day to the fullest. I am convinced of it. However the truth is I'm far from the high standard I set for myself. I worry so much about yesterday and things done, said & also about tomorrows. I realized this over again & it's silly but the movie 50 First Dates reconfirmed it for me after watching it.

The concept of loosing short term memory would be so devastating. Or would it be?

I think that if everyone lived every day as if it was the only day with opportunity to live & to remember only that day not worrying so much of what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow, I think we would all live a little differently and with a little more heart & soul.

Living with the wonder of today's miracle is what it's about. Feeling alive from within, absorbing each magnificent second whatever the feeling transcribes. Today is the only day, like today. There will never be another.

I love life. Paying more attention to living high with the opportunity of making every day count and forgetting yesterday's woes. Today is simply glorious.

Happy new day,
Janette

Sometimes it hurts instead.....

2012-01-06T17:45:00.000-08:00

Sept 23, 2011

She is so excited to finally get into the choir this year.......... this is so not her best, but the beauty in her voice that I know as a mother is so special. ♥

Universal Consciousness & Roots of Gaia

2012-01-05T16:38:00.000-08:00

Do you ever find yourself question how in the heck could that be? It can be anything.

I've encountered this so many times I lost count. I get a feeling or an idea and while I'm literally creating it, implementing or designing it, someone else I may or may not know creates it nearly instantly. I cannot express the inquisitiveness I've held for such coincidences. Or are they? Coincidences that is.

Well, I for one don't believe in coincidence so I dug a little deeper into the concept of what it could be few years ago. I've never written about it until now due to the recent other similar comparison to another artist.

Universal Consciousness. I've been living and co-creating with that in the back of my mind ever since. We all tap into it. Everyone. It sounds far fetched when you compare the basic concept to the Borg from Start Trek but it's so true.

"We are Borg.

Lower your shields and surrender your ships,

and prepare yourself to be assimilated.

We will add your biological

and technological distinctiveness to our own.

Resistance is futile."

Are we all that different from a cybernetic lifeform? The way I see it, we are not far from reaching this technological advancement, theory or whatever it may be in the next few decades. With the technology & the way we are collectively connected within social media, Internet communicating, networking, etc. it isn't just science & fiction. It is real.

We, humans, all intellectual beings on this Earth and perhaps in the entire universe are connected to a source higher then our own comprehension. We have been ever since the existence of mankind began. It is the mere pillar of consciousness, light, universal portal we all feed from weather it be ideas, fashion, dreams, desires, innovations, artistic flair, whatever....

For me, it must have began years ago when I was much younger and my art teacher would always praise me for my eye for detail in all my highschool sketches. I would get double marks for some works. But, I didn't fully appreciate the praise until my painting "Roots of Gaia" was compared to Frida Khalo's (1907-1954) marvelous work by a complete stranger.

In her lifetime Frida has created some 200 pieces of work related to her experiences and life. She's a unique artist who's soulful sorrow is evident in many of her human depictions as is her profound rooted loneliness in her many self portraits.

The day I was told that my piece slightly resembled her work, I had no clue who she even was. I've Googled her and when I found out a little about her life I was quite flattered to have been compared to her piece just below mine. Since then, I've observed her work as unique, one of kind visual work of an extraordinary visionary and artist.

Roots of Gaia - by Janette Dengo

By Frida Khol

For me, there is always a magical experience with each painting I create. If somehow I've managed to subconsciously tap into anyone's visual creation, their naked concept for basis of their entire image, sculpture, photo, imagination and ideas, I can with honest heart say it's due to the universal consciousness. Weather it be a prior, current or future timeline I cannot be responsible for similarities of such.

The bottom line is everyone looks to be unique and stand out in one aspect or another. Let it be artist, painters, fashionistas, jewellery designers, photographers, sculptors, etc. Everyone wants to be know for their own unique imprint, such is our own DNA as it solely reflects the artist behind the creation. Sometimes, and the world is vast, we cannot and are unable to get away from certain visual comparisons that may be so evident in similarities of others. It is beyond our control.

I use to get a little annoyed at people I'd encounter in my life if they would buy for example the same clothes as me and the next time I'd see them, they'd say "oh, you have one of those too?" I'd get irked and roll my eyes, but now I could care less. If anything it is flattering they found my style tasteful and had to get one for themselves. Some people get their panties all in a knot over the fact someone may be imitating them and fully believe it, only to have nothing but ill feelings all made up in their heads that they are right out copying them or stealing their ideas. Bull!

My suggestion: Get over yourself & breathe a little. Nobody is treading on your heals and stealing your ideas. The world is vast, the people in it are all inspired by something or someone all the time.

Remaining confident that the art created by you, me and the world all holds uniqueness, beauty and one of a kind visual concept is the key. Confidence with a capital "C". It is as irrelevant as if someone had the same shoes as you at a party.

"People think they are ground breakers but they are only treading on the path of others" - so eloquently put by my hubby Anthony. Always. Civilization has existed for how long? Is it really that insulting to people who get their backs raised that someone imitated or flat out copied them? Actors, models, all types of divas out there on the red carpets find themselves in similar if not identical outfits, all the time. Does that mean we should bring out the guns?

Someone out there is and will always be similar to your work because after all - you yourself has gotten a visual inspiration from someone else that may be not so flattered you right out "stole" their idea if that's how you see it. If you put those thoughts into your head & get paranoid of people stealing your ideas, you will loose the battle in the artists industry, in whatever it is you are creating.

Feel the confidence you are unique, execute it and don't worry about the rest. People will always pick up on imitations, because if someone doesn't have the talent, they can paint, photograph, chisel away, cut, sew, stitch their little hearts away and it will never be you! You are IT! You and only you. There is nor will there ever be another you. But let's get back to Frida and me for now :)

For me Frida represents something deep. The roots of the mere Earth - Gaia - the Goddess - as I seek to find her in my above creation. She isn't that far from the mere concept of the "universal consciousness". A feminine creation connecting to the source, the light, love, universal being of the roots we all tap into. Even though I wasn't directly inspired by Frida, her image somewhat haunts me in a positive way. While I was told to use certain colours and stay away from reds - it is what came into my mind with the piece I created for my client with them and their lifestyle in mind. The fact it was unveiled there is a a similarity is quite uncanning. By the way, the client loved my creation & it was evident in their eyes full of tears & gratitude.

We all tap into it. Whatever the universal consciousness is. I cannot seem to get ahead of it. I've had ideas that made people millionaires so with that knowledge, in the comfort of my own home I reap a little of those millions they have - even if my pockets are empty because I know I too had that idea at the same time they did.

If someone took my image and put their name on it & unfortunately there are people like that out there & I've known of few artists that have succumbed to those thieves, that is the only illegal form of theft punishable by law. This is also only if your image and photo is protected by the copyright and each laws in each state, province, country is different so it's best to check into that.

While my Roots of Gaia was one of the pieces I was probably the most intimidated to give away & present to my client as a final piece of work/product, it is probably one of my finest works.

Thank you so much to all who inspire me, give me confidence to keep on creating and encourage me to continue on my artistic journey. Love you all very much from the roots of my entire creative consciousness.

Peace, love & light.

Janette

Learning to receive

2012-01-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

About 6 years ago I met my girlfriend Julie Coombs, the Internet savvy net-worker also known as DiamondJul, at which around the time I was also introduced to The Secret. She is one of the many behind the scenes founders of The Secret and I became quite fond of her.

Inquisitively I pursued the video of The Secret that is presented quite beautifully and powerfully, it left me feeling so wonderful & in a state of awe. Little did I know I was living the secret my whole life, there were just few specifics that needed to be polished to run more rewarding. Julie's powerful words to me once expressed how important it is to receive, whatever it may be, never left me. Those words changed me. It made me a better person in terms of being able to complete fully the circle in understand the life I've been seeking, yearning, wanting so much. Giving wasn't enough. Since then, I've learned a lot from this extraordinary woman. A lot of which alter my journey in bettering myself & my life so I can feel the abundance from all faucets of life.

In order for us to feel the full impact of the complete circle of the exchange, weather it be monetary component, friendship based, love, gifts, trust, loyalty, compliments.... it is all equally important to know how to receive. The completeness of receiving as much as giving, just like in the basic concept of electricity & circuits connecting. Giving is receiving and receiving is giving. We're taught our whole lives to give & to give generously. After all, Jesus gave his life for mankind, the ultimate gift was his life. Albert Einstein stated that “The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving. That is true, but receiving is equally important in terms of being able to understand the impact of giving & feel the satisfaction of that giving concept.

My life hasn't been peaches. Many years of hardships, an abusive father, a sister I don't quite get along with and coming to a foreign country at the birth of my teens where it all seemed to have began fresh for me. Finally a break & light peeked in. Moving away from my father was the best thing that has ever happened to me. Not experiencing the anger his weak human dark heart departed on everyone he associated with, was such a blessing. I was no longer afraid to feel free, to love, to share, to open up and be myself. It was the first time I was not afraid to love openly & the possibility of feeling was there. New. Fresh. Revived.

I've undergone many changes, learned many languages along my journey only to have retain my native tongue and English. My body has undergone changes of becoming a mother over 8 years ago and it's a given that will never be the same. Sag, sag, sag..... and that darn gravity!

Bottom line is we constantly change. We go through 4 year cycles but that's another story entirely. We change as we see fit, as we learn whatever life unfolds. I find myself questioning so many things yet at the end of the day it doesn't matter. I count my blessings & talk to God, kiss my babies goodnight & rest. What matters is that when I open up my eyes, I am given each day to experience life, nature with all the beauty in it.   I'm so thankful. I hope I haven't lost you, there is a point here.

I've always had a giving heart. I'm modest by all means, I do my best to remain humble & quiet and satisfied with the simplest pleasures.  I don't brag & I respect people. I don't gossip & stay away from those who do. I break many rules, most of which are mine set so many ages ago. I don't need much, never have so it seemed ok if I didn't get as much as I gave.

Over the years as I've aged, I began feeling worn out. Tired, misunderstood a lot by folks as I couldn't understand why they continue doing the things they do, to themselves & to others, to me. Why people make the choices they do, why they hate rather then love, why they stab rather then hug, steal rather earn and so on....

Just as the world is marvelous in it's beauty & simplicity, it's also filled with so much sadness, hate, competition, blame & bitterness..... it's so unappealing. But I know the negativity has to exist to balance out the greatness. I focus on the opposite, knowing the darkness exists, I choose to look up rather then down.

Some people will continue to lie, steal & take so much they begin to believe their own little worlds that are so full of the material living. Some people just don't know how to give and this is why they cannot or are unable to receive which reflects back to being unable to give.  They think they are living it up, but sadly it is all just so superficial. They will end up empty looking for answers.

For some it feels safer to enclose themselves into a bubble of shielded protection from the rest of the world, especially since they've had their hearts broken. They stop giving & they don't even realize that they also stop receiving, that which replenishes ultimately their entire giving. It's a movement of a constant electrical discharge, our human nature, our synapses misfire when we shut one aspect of ourselves off. Human body works in mysterious ways. We work best when we practice a healthy balance where all is concerned.

At the same time it can be a person who continuously gives & gives all the time lovingly and unconditionally. The world is filled with amazing humanitarians, generous selfless folks, helping, aiding, always extending themselves above & beyond. Do these people ever feel the rewards of their constant giving? I sure hope so because one of the greatest pleasures is the satisfaction received knowing you've helped someone in need, saved a life, helped a homeless to have a meal, gave a gift for a less fortunate to open at Christmas time, whatever it may be.

Receiving doesn't have to have a means of materialism. It is often the things that are unseen by the eye that mean the most in life.

For me, I really like helping people. I've never got into the profession to be in the public aid, I don't know why. When I see someone in need though, even if they don't know it, I always want to lend a hand. Sometimes, they are not ready or willing to receive the help, or just don't need it and I am forced to just back away. It goes the same for the way I fall in love with humans. I find an attribute, something about them in common or simply sense through their gateway (their eyes) a piece of their soul and immediately feel a connection. Sometimes however, they are not ready to feel mutually back whatever you feel. Love is intimidating. People will find you creepy & desperate. I'm none of those things or perhaps I'm both. Depends on the perspective of the individual. Perhaps I'm drawn to people who are in need of love more then they even know it, and on the most part those who deflect it won't receive it. Just like help, there is only so much you can do to offer whatever it is you see fit.

I strive so hard daily to find a piece of that great abundance I work my but off for. For me, learning to receive runs deep. I need to learn how to receive the rewards of my hard work, to reap what I sew, whatever it may be at the time. I need to shift my focus. I still have much to learn in the aspect of receiving. So much, however I'm so glad that the concept was learned when it was because I've had years to practice receiving and it feels amazing when the fulfillment happens.

I too have had my faults of entirely shutting down my share of times where, love, trust, absolute despair & where all negativity is concerned spirals down & I found myself in the pits of doom. I stopped giving, receiving & ultimately living. It's human nature to experience both spectrum of existing. Then we reach up. We see the light and grasp it & pull ourselves up. I don't believe it is ever too late for anyone to alter their life for the way they choose to live it, let it be for better lack of words, better. Death, is our only end. In flesh that is. It's never too late to teach an old dog new tricks. Never.

One thing I had to learn & do my best to grasp is to in fact receive. I've never been very good at it. Ever. My whole life, I thought I did receive but not fully. Weather it was compliments, extravagant or smallest gifts, help from people, the impact of hugs and most of all love. I've always been cautious about love because once a person such as a father figure attempts to breaks your soul, it's so hard to receive love & trust it's real. All I could do was give love - because I thought it was enough.

In my past relationships, I thought if I love hard enough I could love for two. I soon discovered with few broken hearts it doesn't work well like that. Something had to give to fulfill the gap, the hole left after all was said and done. It was the hole something other then me had to fill. I felt like I was running out of love, running on empty & yet I loved a little more when I could each time.   It was pathetic but real.

Until I met my now husband. His love & his heart, loyalty and trust in me opened up a piece of me that allowed a stream of light directly into my soul. His father, who was absolutely amazing & filled with huge power hugs nearly squished the life out of me once. It is the first time I truly felt an impact of a hug. An old Slovak man in his seventies, who had the most amazing lung crushing hugs a human could experience. They were real, they contained love, care, light, genuine impact. I miss him, but his hugs remain in my husband & I often ask him to squeeze a little tighter & then we goof off. It's fun.

In the course of my life, many times I've felt so used. So taken advantage of from so many angles, by people or by actions or lack there of. Now that I am older, sometimes the feeling of being used surfaces, however it's just perceived & received with the knowledge that perhaps I haven't given enough. That somehow, just when it was about to happen, I quit. I gave up. It's all my fault. That is why I feel used at that moment, I should have done more. I shouldn't have given up. It's true. It's that spark, that initially ignited us, lead us down a path of the knowledge we seek we were almost there, we could taste it and then bam! It was done. Somehow, someway it failed.  It didn't happen. We didn't give or receive or it wasn't given or wasn't received. The full circle didn't complete. In that circle, all involved feel used, disappointed, etc.   All did what they could, however didn't succeed and the feeling is the same for all involved. That's how I see it anyways.

However, over the years and it is perhaps due to my most amazing little beings "my kids" and their enormous unconditional little hearts that are filled and overspilling with so much love, that I can appreciate and receive them just as I give my love to them each day. Those two opened up a portal inside of me, that is higher then me, a gateway of immense love that out pours from each of them every day, every touch, kiss and a hug. They are beautiful & brilliant and filled with absolute love. Of course they are, they are my creation. A creation made with my amazing husband, and they were conceived out of love. My only hopes are that I can guide them through life for as long as I am able to.

Now, there is a point here too I am trying to make in comparison to the feeling of being used, it's diminished. There is no such thing as being used, only how one perceives it. Am I just a concubine for these two beings walking, living, breathing & talking. No, I gave my body no matter how destroyed it is now, to give them life. How could I possibly feel used. It isn't any different in any other situation. The feeling of being used is self reflective in all aspect. For me, it is such a relief not to feel the heaviness of that "useless" word used.

I've learned that I too am able to receive and receiving is just as important as giving. The secret of giving is that if a person can and is able to give so much that just when they feel that there isn't another ounce of drop of blood, love, faith, trust, whatever it is to give and then just out of nowhere give a little more. That is the point that something magical always happens. It is that final penetration point of giving that final ounce, that final drop, where receiving opens up and pours in overflowing. It can be money, happiness, power, satisfaction, anything at its highest. You have to allow it to happen though, you have to believe it is yours, deserving as you are of it as you gave all you could to receive it's rewards, you have to own it and that is when it happens. I trust that. I always trust that.

It isn't easy to do. The pollution is so hard to cut through. It's not as easy as it sounds. Yet, it is very possible. It is how millionaires are born. It is how successful people all around the world thrive. They work hard to get where they are. They believe it, they own it before they have it. It is how abundance is felt. It is when you can count all your blessings as you reached above & beyond for what you believed in.

You have to be open to receive while giving. Period! It is then and only then you will feel fulfilled & filled to give again.

My grandmother, my angel who has been my inspiration for all my writing filled with light & love has taught me the unconditional love & gift of giving your heart entirely. It is all we can ever do. She taught me that there is a good person inside every single one of us, it is what we choose to do with it that matters.

We cannot be responsible for the people who are unable to receive love, who shut down, neglect understanding, patience and can only reflect anger and bitterness. Love is universal and I may be the most pathetically mushy, lovie dovie & sappy human out there, but at least I am filled with love inside and most importantly - I know that I am fully capable of giving it. It is up to the rest to learn to receive and to complete the circle. However, I know the truth and the reality is that people are afraid of the word LOVE. It's easier to run then to face love and laugh with it. Whoever is in my life is there because they feel my love, appreciate it, receive it and give a little back. I'm so not afraid to love & because I'm constantly replenished it over pours out of me.

Learning to receive patience, appreciation, compliments, gratitude, loyalty, trust, money, health, happiness, love..... it's all the same.

Next time you think you are feeling empty, sad, lonely, used, poor, sick, whatever it may be - ask yourself if you've allowed yourself to fully receive the abundance from the universe of what ever it is you seek.

Learning to receive is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

Love,
Janette

A friend is....

2012-01-04T10:42:00.001-08:00

This year for Christmas as my friend and I were walking & goofing off in our famous hick town & market of "Walmartians" the place was full of people and pre-holiday crazy havoc, I picked up a wire star that looked like an interesting item to fill with goodies. I've done this once before but it didn't last many seasons.

An idea to create a gift that keeps on giving each Christmas, filling the object with goodies we both love, while keeping still an item that is beautiful on it's own. A keepsake, but with many memories.

I suggested we each buy this star for $5.00 bucks and take the cheesy lotion/body soap out of it and fill it with unique goodies in the $20.00 range. She loved it.

And so it began. A new tradition. This year was the first year for our exchange and when we opened up the star, the goodies left us with smiles and a wonderful memory. I loved mine and her smiles were evident she loved hers. The simplicity of a beautiful friendship can never be forsaken. It is one of a kind with each individual and such a blessing. For me, the star represents the uniqueness of this one friend, with many others in my life - all who have a special meaning. Perhaps what the true meaning of this entire exchange is that I was able to do this with a friend, who indeed is one of my most beautiful gifts for Christmas.

A friend is a person you can trust.

A friend will be there when you really need someone,

and will come to you when they need help.

A friend will listen to you and never try to change you.

A friend is someone you can share dreams, hopes and feelings with.

A friend is one of life's most beautiful gifts.

Thank you for the "friendship" book-mark, ornament, earrings, etc. my friend. I also love all the other goodies gently wrapped in tissue as I opened up each one so tightly placed within the star. There are so many simple things people can do to give each other joy.

A tiny glimpse of just a couple of goodies & the empty/full star parcel.

I am so looking forward to the next Christmas, can't wait to get creative again and also at the same time see what goodies will be unwrapped. It isn't so much the material things as much as it is for the concept & the visual excitement to see another person get giddy with joy to see what they receive as I give.

Life is full of so many ideas & adventures. Make it count. For me, the star represents my friendship that is truly the only gift that keeps on giving. A friend is one of life's most beautiful gifts.

Love & peace,

Janette

We are of light......

2012-01-03T04:44:00.000-08:00

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17 For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18 So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

Love,
Janette

Karma

2012-01-02T18:51:00.000-08:00

Hinduism & Buddhism. The total effect of a person's actions and conduct during the successive phases of a person's existence, regarded as determining the person's destiny in life. Actions seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad.
Just deserts.

Theosophy - the cosmic principle according to which each person is rewarded or punished in one incarnation according to that person's deeds in the previous incarnation.
I believe this wholeheartedly. Living a quality life and up to the standards of only the ones we set for ourselves is a choice, it is not easy ignoring the ignorant.

Don't judge. Be kind. Be respectful. Don't assume.

Mind yourself and contain your composure.

People will bring upon themselves what they fear the most. Fears will consume you. Switching your focus means releasing yourself from the imprisoned pain & demons from the past & present and allowing yourself to learn something significant. Then heal. Everything is a lesson, don't call it a mistake. You're beautiful. Believe it and live it from the inside out.

Count your blessings.

We cannot force anyone to see how unresolved issues & insecurities within themselves can affect actions & reactions. Treating people as you'd like to be treated is the key principle factor & bottom line. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you"

Smile & be happy living in the moment. Switch your focus if it is unpleasant. Forget the bullshit & filter it out. It matters not. Life is too short. Enjoy it. Live.

Cheers,

Janette

Happy New Year 2012

2012-01-01T22:09:00.000-08:00

Wishing everyone an amazing year, filled with hopes, dreams, happiness, health & great abundance. We were fortunate to be surrounded by friends at midnight & the evening was filled with good food, drinks, laughter, music, karaoke, dancing, tears, hugs, joy & there was definitely love under this roof.

Peace & love to all.... ♥
- Janette -

L O V E

A B U N D A N C E

J O Y

G O O D H E A L T H

H A P P I N E S S

L A U G H T E R

P E A C E

G O O D F O O D

M E M O R I E S

F R I E N D S

Feng Shui

2012-01-01T17:02:00.000-08:00

Feng Shui literally means "Wind-Water"
It is a simple yet beautiful ancient concept of yin and yang. All living and dead. Love. Hate. Light. Dark. Everything has a balance in this conceptual union of positive and negative. Electricity. Flow of energy and balance of good health - wealth - prosperity - relationships - creativity in a harmonious environment with nature and the elements.

Thoughts become things.

The Secret.

Universe.

Namaste~

Janette

Farewell 2011

2011-12-30T22:10:00.000-08:00

Thank you to all my clients, friends and family for an amazing year. The friendships & relationships I've built are very precious to me. I appreciate everyone for allowing me the opportunity to capture your beautiful memories into priceless keepsakes. May your new year 2012 be a fabulous one with your beautiful families and friends. All the very best.

Love,
Janette

Flattery Empty

2011-12-30T10:22:00.000-08:00

When it comes to flattery, it is true what is said, "flattery will get you everywhere" and I will keep believing that. At the same time "flattery comes from behind your teeth, while true compliments from the heart" so there is a fine line that everyone has to draw for themselves in how it is received and at the same time given.

I know I am not on the short list of the greatest humanitarians in the world but I do alright for myself. Being told countless of times, I'm a wonderful writer by emails, quotes sent, compliments on my published works that I've inspired numerous & somehow they can relate to my stories. I'm so flattered, truly. However, many times I doubt myself. We are our own worse critics - us humans.

It is when something unpleasant surfaces from my writing that hurts & sits with me like a sour tart. It is when I am somehow accused directly or indirectly by people’s actions & reactions of writing about someone specific when they can relate to my blogs, poems and articles. For me there is only one question. Would you feel the same way about me or react the same way towards me if you read my work & didn't know me?

I do not know the answer and may perhaps never know it from any one's perspective but I have mine. I'm an information hound. I seek the answers, I read and rate articles on Helium - my publishing site and I learn, constantly. I'm inspired by images, paintings, songs, quotes, photos, countless of artists daily and when I am, I take the time to tell them so. I take a piece of a quote & can write a book on it and same goes for an image or a song.

When inspirations that I find in writings are felt & they touch my soul, something happens inside. For me, if someone achieves me to be angry, sad and to cry while I'm reading anything, they have achieved magnificent work of art. They deserve an applaud, a standing ovation in my opinion. Bravo!!

It takes a special kind of translation to convey to the audience/readers your messages as an artist, your endured pain and your joys lived, hardships, love, death and birth with everything in between. Perhaps there is a barrier that I still am learning to overcome in conveying my message, as English is not my native tongue. My prime thoughts that enter my mind are in another language and perhaps some get lost in translation. It's never the same as initial thought. Now, if readers find anything remotely comparable to my writings, I've got them interested. Isn't it amazing how we can get hooked on reading, it's like an addiction. We want to know more and read, or the opposite happens. We stop and assume the rest or think it's crap. Those are some of the possibilities.

But, if the info is good, hits a note, before you know it, you are sucked in, put yourself into the story without the approval from the writer and you cannot wait for the next chapter, blog, poem to see how you fit in & how it unfolds. It isn't any different then a great book you cozy up to and can’t wait to continue. It can be fiction, romance novel, horror or an article in a magazine..... you choose.

Perhaps I'm opening up a whole new can of worms here but, I write about life.

As my life unfolds, my feelings, emotions, experience.... it's all related to me on all levels. All my readers hold an equal abundance of respect from me, to feel assured my loyalty lies in the friendships I personally build & cherish with everyone in my life. I never mention names. I don’t write to hurt people. I don’t write to annoy anyone or create any ill feelings or to cause intentional heartaches. I write for me and if you choose to read my published works, please remain objective.

For some of us, it's a wonderful feeling. For me, it's awesome! What is not appealing is the residual crap that sometimes surfaces from opening up to the world & allowing readers a glimpse of my soul. Will that ever make me stop? Probably not.

People, seek the truth, they want honesty and when they can find themselves relating on any level to you, your life, your stories, your pain and reflect a piece of themselves they perhaps don't like or would like to change, they get their backs raised. Especially if they know you & assume you may have perhaps written about them and this is why it hits home. Why do people do that? Everyone can relate to everyone on some level & in some way.

It's true that it's a dog eat dog world out there. That cannot be denied especially for artists. For some it's a comptetitive nature to feel the pressure of things to come. For me, I roll with it. I don't over analyze nor do I reflect negativity. I dream big and hope for the best and that is all I can do.

If I have hit a note that relates to you on some level in a negative way - there is no way to look back. It releases anger, resentment, competitive nature, defensive reactions, whatever the feeling is, it's only a reflection of the way the article made "you" as my reader feel.

At the same time if I have hit a note that makes your heart ache and tears flow, it makes no difference. My goals as a writer to hit on all levels are all equal. I hope my blogs, poems and publishings give you joy in some way and a channel for learning, comparing, sympathising, opening up to the world & allowing yourself to feel something, anything, whatever it may be for you. Feeling is one of our greatest sensations. It's incredible.

I am not perfect. I make mistakes. I have lived for almost 39 years on this earth and I can honestly say with a full heart pounding & rejoicing that I keep finding a piece of myself daily, learning, falling, getting up, loving & living daily to the fullest all that I can be with so many choices, beautiful friendships, equal hardships, obstacles and enduring whatever the weather brings & swings my way, but at the end of the day I am happy. I've experienced everything from total devastation to euphoria.

I smile, feel, laugh, cry, get mad, yell, sin, pray - I'm happy. "World, you will never break me." You can be my friend or you can be my enemy. I'm still the same person.

The way I see it, compliments are wonderful, positive or negative. They allow people to grow and experience but most importantly learn. Feedback is a great way of learning and reflecting. Positive or negative life lessons, they almost always alter your path. Actions & reactions from people speak for themselves, but I never assume. I don't assume I'm hated or loved. I will assume though that people go through life just like me with many personal obstacles, passions, goals, likes and dislikes, sorrows, joys, etc.

"There are many branches on the tree of life. When a branch is chopped down for this baby bird to sing, I'll hop over to another and sing my heart away" - J.I. Dengo

Just as there is this magnificent amount of positivity given for all the work I do and am capable of photography, paintings & my writings, there is 1 for ever 1000 that gets mad at me. I cannot control that, nor do I have any means of apologizing for my work, expressions, feelings. All I can do is embrace the impact & hopefully learn something from that too.

"I can spot empty flattery and know exactly where I stand. In the end it's really only my own approval or disapproval that means anything" by Agnetha Faltskog. Thank you.

Love,

Janette

Simple Enchantments - mini edit

2011-12-29T19:32:00.000-08:00

There is something so soothing about colour. The simplicity in the reflection of coloured fish tank with a few koi fish... Many times I wish that I had a better lens and then I think, ahhh, there I always have Photoshop. There is so much work a person can do in terms of enhancing colour, layering, cropping, filtering, to make photo beautiful. Here is my result in comparison with the above image with Photoshop magic:

Now, I find black & whites equally beautiful in their purest simplicity. Some may find the image below this particular one equally nice, I was just playing with the simple lighting & keeping an image zen like.

Thank you for stopping by...... I have so many tutorials, look for future mini edits with step by step instructions. Perhaps, it isn't too late to share my knowledge & secrets with the world.

Namaste,

Janette

Life - simple - beautiful

2011-12-29T18:53:00.000-08:00

Just like this one special enchanted day, I can still feel in my veins like it was yesterday, I feel the beauty of life all around. The beauty of the significant people in my life to the wackos who've come & gone, to the mother who gave me life and father who scarred my heart. I hold a place in my heart for way too many to mention, because they all help in shaping me somehow.

Time flies, we age, and just like the seasons we shed our leaves and await rebirth after the long winter months. I love fall, well actually I love all seasons as there is something so beautiful and magical in each and every one. Winter is filled with chill & wonder, crispness of snow when everything is white & pure, underneath resting asleep, dormant waiting to awake.

Spring, when all new life sprouts...... it's all so beautiful. For the longest time summer was my favourite. It's hot and I love it. As I get older, I find something magical in every season. The memories I think are the ones that I reflect back on. There are many held precious & few & far in between that I can clearly see in my mind's eye.

Perhaps I feel a shift in me just like the seasons do, I sense a deep connection to the elements just as I do in people. If mother nature has a clock, to shed leaves to anticipate a long rest only to awake refreshed, rejuvenated, so do people. Personally, I'm so tired. Tired of being treated with little respect & tired of always being, carrying, giving, communicating, expressing.... Tired of always have to defend my right to be and feel. Tired of having to explain to people they are mistaken & tired of trusting that my truth is enough. It never seems to be, but that is not my problem.

I LOVE - I LIVE - I LAUGH

But, like the winter solstice, perhaps I too am in need of rest. Knowing me though, it would be hard to rest my busy little fingers as there is much to be said from my heart, there is a life story in each and everyone & me just simply having the need to be able to express my feelings, emotions, joys, sorrows & all that life unfolds.

When I look back onto my years, I'd like to reflect with the peace of feeling I aged with grace and that I've learned something along this journey. This life, that is so meant to be lived to the fullest, with amazement, with all the love there is, with all the pain there is, with all the beauty it gives, so simply.

As I meet folks from all over and my life story unfolds with unique individuals entering & departing my life, it allows me to grow. Grow on all levels possible, to see, experience all there is on this earth.

No regrets.

I hold no ill feelings towards people & cannot & will not be responsible for the choices of others. We are all equal, we are all children of the Earth, brothers & sisters. Wouldn't it be nice if we could all learn how to love each other with a little more compassion & respect? Why are people so malicious with everything? Nature, animals, humans........... themselves.

Just like I see the world unfold through the eyes of my beautiful kids, I relive a little piece each time I see them smile at something in amazement, a toad in the forest, a funny leaf, the stars and each time they cry and shed tears of sadness, so do I. On the outside, I'm strong, mature, empathetic, confident, vigorous & vibrant. Inside, I'm just a child who lives in this body that developed, matured, endured and ages, daily.

Just as my daughter grows & matures, there are days that she is so emotional... so beside herself with sadness & pain, I cannot explain to her why she feels what she feels, perhaps she too is an empath.

Sometimes, children just cry.... & yet there is something still so beautiful in it.

Life is beautiful, just as it is, simple.

Love,

Janette

Bleeding LOVE

2011-12-29T15:14:00.000-08:00

For most people in my life, it may appear as if I have this amazing perfect little life and most of the time I feel like I do but like anything else it comes at a huge cost. My sanity & my health. I’ve had a year of hell (with many priceless & amazing moments if I may add) Maintaining life is a big job & being a grown up a huge responsibility. Kids, working, business, stress, bills, house, cars, friends, family, keeping everything ticking in order & keeping everyone happy isn’t always easy.

I write, because it allows my heart to heal. It’s just one of my means of expressions. Just like now, I take few moments and pour my heart into my fingertips and the letters add up to words and the lines form sentences and before I know my tears flow, my heart pours out and blogs and poems are published.

My writing is never usually about anyone specific. Sometimes I get emails asking if such & such email was about them. My answer is always the same. No. I’ve been accused of horrible crimes of writing garbage about people on Facebook in the past, well one specific person & perhaps my one article about a “frienemy” explains it the best. That is the only time where if this one specific person was to read my article, they would know smack in the face that it is about them, only because I don't have a pen name and it is me publishing it. It was written with a purpose for my heart to heal, my mind & heart to let go of everything and my soul to move on and continue. That was then, this is now.....

The truth is, I write about feelings. If I have anything to say to anyone – I respect them to tell them to their face, my true feelings that is. It is a hell of lot more dignifying & respectable to be honest then publish articles about ill feelings towards anyone. People can't handle the truth. You says it, they run no matter how polite you are. However, we cannot change people & their insecurities. Perhaps they have been tarnished by others & judge humans solely based on unresolved issues within themselves. Not everyone is the same, just sayin'.......

Please stop being paranoid and please continue your beautiful journey with peace knowing I don’t gossip nor write about you specifically. Whoever you are. Most people who take the time to get to know me – know me & trust that. They know the true me, with no camouflaged dirty cover image that needs to be dusted off. I am who I am & am what you see & underneath my clothes lies still me, only naked!! I hide no scales, horns or fur, I have no claws, no tail, nor a slithery tongue.

All of this - it all stems into trust. Do people really trust you or trust themselves that they are in fact conducting themselves in the highest standards in reflections to the individual who they are trying to have a relationship with? You. Or, does it just feels comfortable to try to squeeze into a group or form a group to protect thyself from the deepest wounds. Being open with one friend, only to have that person crush you. People hide behind people. They hide behind work, whatever it is. They make excuses. Those who want to get to know you, DO!

I pour my heart and soul into absolutely everything I do, writing, photography, paintings, contacts I make and people I try so hard to get to know. Everyone is different. Everyone is unique in their own special way. It would be boring otherwise. I extend my both arms & throw in two feet going into everything head & heart first. I am a people lover.

Perhaps, my lessons that I am suppose to learn here on earth haven’t even began to be tapped into, who knows but I know this much. I get hurt all the time & I continue to seek the love I know my heart & soul is worth. It is in you. It is in me, it's in everyone. I find everyone beautiful. I find everyone worthy of my love. When you feel like you are worthless, on the edge of wanting to simply die, don't. You are perfect to me. It isn't any different then the man I married. Amazing feeling when you find your soul mate & you are proven daily he loves, trusts & cherishes you, even after 15 years. Praying for this, knowing that I would have this absolute love wasn't easy. But I trusted. I knew I was worthy.....

People are harsh, they form judgements. They listen to others and form opinions based on lies, deceit & shameful gossip not knowing the entire story or people. Or, they just simply choose to take sides. It’s society. Everyone does it, so it’s hard to listen to that inner voice that gives you many different paths & gently whispers – look this way. People are driven by appearances. A bubblier person cute as a button can't really be that bad?

I don't want pity friendships. It is not why I'm writing this. I do honestly have absolutely amazing one of kind friendships with a handful of blessings. My friends mean the world to me. I prefer quality over quantity and always have treasured the few close friendships I've been so very lucky to build. What I am perhaps trying to say is that I meet people all the time, but for me to open up and let a person into my heart takes courage and a chance on my part. When I do this, I rarely find another me. When I feel excited & find someone who resembles me, in terms of quality, high standards, loyalty, etc. I simply want more of them. And, as my hubby has so eloquently put it in terms for me once, sometimes the answer the universe says is NO. No matter how much you want it. If it's meant to be it will be and if it's not, well, that speaks for itself.

We all have guides and the inner voice inside us for a peaceful way of living, unless you’re nothing but an evil entity with a fake shell that you possessed ages ago for the world to see. If that’s the case, I’m sorry but you’re totally fucked! Pardon me….. I eliminate people like this from my life. At one point I could see right through them, it's that gut feeling that sometimes you can't place your finger on but leaves you in knots & red flags are raised. You want to see the beauty in them and you do, but the horns are there. You even see the tail and yet you still go for more. You still don't believe it, because you don't allow yourself to feel those negative feelings towards another being. And, then it happens. No explanations needed and necessary. You know you're done. Life is seriously too precious and absolutely beautiful to allow myself to be polluted by garbage of society & evil conduct of others. I don't try to fit into any one's little secret circle. If I want to I form my own... I do.

I’ve always held people on a pedestal until a time comes where I cannot keep it supported any longer & the mere foundations of it begins to break down & fold in on it's own. I’ve fallen myself way too many times only to find myself full of dust, broken tears & bleeding love. That's life. Thank goodness I haven’t been on anyone’s pedestal yet because I think I might just get a case of dizzies since I'm afraid of heights. I’m being totally sarcastic here of course. I know for one, my hubby cherishes me and the tree ornament from my mom this year said she counts her blessings twice when she counts me. So I know I'm loved beyond words. I know & trust that I too am on someone’s pedestal (a friend) & work hard to maintain a case of balance with my honesty, loyalty & healthy trust to that individual. Unless that person is someone you have no control over how, when & why they choose to be nasty towards you and you have no place to run because no matter where you go, they will find you to take out their anger at you.

I was always taught, that when life or circumstance or a person smacks you dead in the face – you simply offer up the other cheek.

If people can be capable of allowing themselves to feel animosity towards you & do cruel things that leave you heartbroken, keep your composure. YOU are strong! It is them who will feel the shame in the end, not you. Truth always finds a way to explode eventually, the more people try to hide it, the more it bubbles to the surface. Don't worry about gossip. If they choose to gossip about you remember this, "birds peck at the best fruit" so smile and mind your way.

I don’t fight fire with fire. Never have. I’m not a coward either, I was just taught the wisdom of a more gentler & peaceful warrior way. Water is gentle and may ease the flame & perhaps I should learn but I am an observer & love to watch people. I take it all in. It is one way I learn.

Those who are scared to return love, run. I know that I kill people with my kindness. Many times, I think I'm a sucker. Perhaps I should be use to it by now, but I'm not. It always hurts the same way. I know I matter & it is to the people who matter to me the most. That's what matters to me. I am irreplaceable. I'm one of a kind, unique, fun, bubble, quirky, loving, carrying, compassionate...... only to my children. They see & feel me with such unconditional love & tenderness. My true, little, most loyal friends.

I've had one person in my life for 32 years. This person has gashed me, stabbed me, betrayed me, razored me with words of hate, envy, disgust, blame, poisoned others against me & yet I can & do say " I LOVE YOU" & wish you well with peace, love & only kindness unfolding upon you. This Christmas wasn't any different.

Why are people so scared & shielded to love, fully, beautifully and unconditionally? Why are they petrified of the ones who are nice & kind people, truly worthy of a little tenderness, compassion, honesty & love? I am a person just like you. A human, worthy of a little chance to get to know. You may actually like me if you allow yourself to open up & feel. You don't have to be related to me to hold me at a pedestal. You don't need to know the colour of my skin, my eyes, the colour of my hair, if my skin is flawless or not, what my boob, waist & shoe size is, what my style is, where I went to school, if I was or wasn't popular, what car I drive, how much money is in my bank account, what my age is, what others think of me.... none of that matters.

I keep bleeding love…… isn't that enough?

xox

Janette

What's bugging you today?

2011-12-22T05:11:00.000-08:00

An experience like no other happened to me couple of weeks ago. I decided to write about it because I feel it has a purpose that I am not aware of yet. Or does it?

I was meeting a networking contact for coffee at our local Harmony square coffee pub. I had no idea what he looked like in real life as I've never met him. His name is Shayne McIntyre, ACN. I got to the coffee house as we agreed upon and bought a coffee. I sat there patiently awaiting him looking around to see who walked in through the door. I've connected with him on Facebook but you can't really tell from those photos what a person looks like.

There were two other similar looking men sitting in the pub. One in each corner of the room. After about half hour as I watched these two specific men observe me, I walked over to one of them asking him if he was Shayne. He looked at me and politely said "no mam, sorry".... & so forth I repeated this in the other section of the room.

I walked over to the counter and asked the ladies if a guy named Shayne visited the premises often or was looking for me. They replied "no, sorry" but we'll let you know if he does. At this point I felt like I was stood up & this wasn't even a date.

Surprised that neither one of these men were the person I was suppose to meet or anyone heard of him, I casually walked out onto the patio overlooking the skating rink. It was a brisk morning. I was done my coffee and so I decided to leave. At first I thought if the universe is playing a joke on me that morning, but I smiled and off I went home.

When I arrived, Shayne has called me few minutes after apologizing for being late. Then I got even more suspicious.... "did he see me leave?" I thought.

He politely asked me to meet if it wasn't too awkward & so I agreed to go back. I surprised myself too.

When I walked in, I immediately noticed who he was and his real face wasn't that far off from the Facebook photo. You just never know with these things & I've never done this before.

We sat down and he introduced me his line of work and we began chatting about so many topics. It was an interesting conversation and before I knew an hour went by. Then something unusual happened.

Out of the blue, this man walks over to our cozy little corner with this ridiculous beaded looking wire bug that looked similar to a mosquito on what appeared to be a yo yo string. Odd looking thing. He politely asked if I could watch his bug for a minute while he grabbed a coffee. Jokingly I asked if it will fly away if I don't watch it & that's when it started.

Meet Leonard.

AND meet Leonard's Bug.

Now for those who know me I love nothing more then to laugh. These quirky things do happen to me & I love it when the universe makes me burst into uncontrollable laughter. I should know better by now, but this sort of thing hasn't happened to me for quite some time and took me totally by surprise.

As Leonard who actually politely introduces himself as he plays his ukulele with a twisted bizarre song that he just made up I'm sure of it..... he also hands me his business card. He said he was an artist so I immediately connected the artist's mind to the way he was behaving and thought nothing more then that this odd man had oodles of energy and zest for life like I've never seen. There is something to be learned from all this.

Now while I was reaching for his card, tons of things crossed my mind. Is this card safe to touch, am I going too far along with this, should I politely say we (Shayne and myself) are in a conversation as this person was sort of interrupting our time. As I thought all these things & the fact Leonard was sort of "bugging" me in better lack of terms.... I looked on the card to read his credentials and nearly peed peed my pants.

It had his full name, his email address and with big bold letters "WHAT"S BUGGING YOU TODAY" on it. I would have loved to see my face when I saw that, the card, the words... I was shocked, surprised.... I laughed until tears came out.

Unbelievable I thought. Now if that's not an instant manifestation I don't know what is. My good friend Julie Coombs introduced me to the concept of manifestations few years ago along with the Secret. I wasn't even aware how powerful we truly are until the Secret came out & I realized I've been living my life the way of it and didn't even know it. Anyways.... back to the story.

As Leonard proceeded to grab himself a coffee I knew this visit will be quite lengthy as he had an amazing amount of energy and I thought oh boy, here we go. At this point I wasn't in a much hurry but I saw Shayne was too a little uncomfortable as we both didn't know what's next. Leonard commented about my appearance and that there was something special about me & my aura. I jokingly asked if it was glowing a shade of "welcome, come sit with us, we love small talk with strange men & odd looking bug things" and he politely said YES, with those big brown eyes.

Leonard was full of surprises, showing us how this bug moves up and down and how it's his business card holder with Velcro tabs and how he breaks the ice so cleverly to start conversations with folks. Then he pointed out it was a mosquito and how they kill so many people a year and how he has a business plan on making more of them in many different colours. He spoke of the world and how he saw it & we listened. His translation of the society and how everyone on the planet is botherred "bugged" by something every day and no matter how small it is, it's huge to them. Hence the size of his squitto. I was actually quite blown away at this man's wit, bravery, intelligence, nutty personality but so intriguing in every way. In my head, I'm thinking "Bravo dude, you're quite brilliant" & he is, yet on the edge of something I can't put my finger on quite yet. Aren't all brilliant people slightly on the edge? Was I entertaining the thought that if I say he's a weirdo, totally out there a nut bar - I'm infact judging him. Yes. I did my best to put that out of my mind and just enjoyed this unfolding event whole-heartedly.

His business card stated he was an artist so I asked him what he does. He assured me he is in fact an artist and that he'll be teaching 4 classes in the upcoming year in our downtown so I am sure to follow up with that.

Another half hour has passed with so much information told by Leonard at which point Shayne began making his exit very politely and I wasn't staying alone with Leonard so we both excused ourselves to depart the pub. We shook hands outside and were in disbelief actually what has just happened chuckling at it light heartedly.

Leonard had left quite an imprint I have to say. I think about that meeting & what it could possibly signify & how it fits into my day that day. Was it just a nutty day all around with the quirky universe showing me to loosen up & not be so serious? I'd like to think a little both and that the purpose of Leonard & meeting him will unravel in the coming months. Perhaps it fits into the story of Shayne & my meeting with him and our first unusual meeting, that is yet to be pursued in further meetings of the entire group he's constructed, where my friend Robyn Dargie - Arbonne's District Manager also attends on Tuesdays.

For now, I will never take the question of "what's bugging you today" with the same casual thought. I will always think of Leonard. And with that said, everyone has a purpose & a meaning even if they don't know it, even if these people are on an edge of "out there" & cast aways by the normal standards of society. What is normal anyways?

So.... I only have one more question. What's bugging you today?

xoxoxox

Janette

Trust me....

2011-12-21T08:02:00.000-08:00

Betrayal is like a bullet. Bullet straight to your heart. It kills you instatly and if it doesn't, the scars of it will remind you of the gaping hole that once nearly made you bleed to death. Betrayal doesn't happen if you don't trust. I'm sticking to that.

I'm so sick of people telling me that I can trust them. Fresh new people in my life, who know nothing about me, cute fun bubbly folks who appear like they could become your new best friend.

Trust is so hard to give. I use to trust anyone and everyone. Not anymore. I was taught by my grandma that trust is something that has to be earned. Trust is not free. It comes at a price of your heart & soul being betrayed and hurts like nothing else when the trust is broken. I'm not just talking old lovers, boyfriends & fallen friendships. It's about stupid things that people do that breaks the trust & leaves you with no foundation to build upon.

I wish I could trust more. But the evidence is so clear I cannot. The words "trust me" are overused and abused. The world and people in it are full of "white" lies, dark secrets & gossip. It's sickening. They maintain relations with people who may have hurt you in the past, or know of people who stabbed you and it's nothing short of a conduit for disaster. Why make myself more vulnerable? Yes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend, but what do you call a friend of my enemy?

Meet my grandma. My hero. My friend.

She is now far from this God forsaken world on a new journey of transformation. God I miss her. She was my light, my friend, my confidant... she is now my angel. I could tell her anything, even if it was bad or a deep dark secret. She would never judge me, she would never ever hurt me. She would cry with me, laugh with me, get silly & foolish. She could be a grown up & she could be a kid just like me. I trusted her with my life. I talk to her all the time still. A while ago I wrote a poem about her called Heroes

When my father use to beat the crap out of me, I would tell her everything the next day. She would know because my eyes have died a little over night & the sparkle was gone she'd say. I was her "star" and she'd say the star wasn't shining today. As my spirit would break a little with each beating. Not to mention the bruises she'd see. She hated him for it. They never got along. She was wild & brave like a tiger and would jump at him to try to scratch out his eyeballs when he hurt me. He hated her too. I was always scared to tell her because I didn't want her to get hurt like I saw my mom get hurt when she stood up for me in the many beatings, my poor mommy she sure got her share.... but I would eventually spill everything. It always came out.

She was the best grandma a child could ask for. She hardly ever said no to me, and as a matter of fact she hardly used the word with anyone. Everything was possible, everything was a yes and there was always a way to do anything you put your mind into. She baked & cooked anything my heart desired. She was amazing. I'm so missing those warm nurturing hugs filled with light and energy. Her gentle eyes told a life story. She could touch your hand & you would feel transformed instantly. There was a natural sweet delicious scent about her, she always smelled so good like a sugar plum.

She taught me all I know about life and I honestly think I'm a lot like her. Passionate, loving, honest, gentle with humans yet to the core absolutely misunderstood by people because they have life issues higher then them. One thing I cannot do is trust people anymore. It takes a special person for me to trust.

People are scared of people who are nice, they judge them, they are cautious. They don't trust you but ask that you trust them. I think society has taken a piece of each human and turned it into a weapon. A mass self-destructive way of thinking, feeling and seeing. It has created channels for vanity & physicality with all surface facades. Us. People. Robots. We are so much more then the fleshy matter, underneath, fragile, vulnerable, bleeding, loving, crying, wanting nothing else then to be loved.

My care, compassion, integrity, love & loyalty I am capable of disbursing always comes at a price. They all have a residual dust of trust in it. People use that. I think my father broke me. He broke my heart. He broke my mind & soul. He took the twinkle out of my eyes. I like to think he didn't break my spirit though.

People are such takers & fakers. They take that initial spark that may interest them in you at first, learn whatever if anything from you & then you're disposable. So it seems. Maybe I'm harsh.... but it sure feels like that sometimes. People have stories to tell, blogs to write, poems to publish..... it never ends. As much as a person is honest and you think you may actually trust them because they are in fact one of the most honest people you've met, doesn't mean you can trust them. Honesty does not equal trust. You can be honest, but are you trustworthy?

I keep to myself. I trust no one. I am at times social but always cautious. My super tiny trust list consists of my heavenly angel grandma, my very much loved mother & my amazing husband. Everyone else hasn't made it into the category, and if they think they have they are mistaken. I have some pretty amazing friends out there, and would love nothing more then to trust a few. Maybe I'm close but I find trust is a key to feeling absolutely free with someone & being able to say anything knowing they will not use that nor hurt you. Trust is huge. Everyone so far has broken the trust that once had potential to develop into a trustworthy status of a friend.

I was told countless of times that I should have been a therapist, because I can offer a good ear & advice. I'm trustworthy. People tell me their secrets and I know how to keep them. I put myself in the person's situation & can feel their pain. I know how to listen & comfort tears of sadness. I am sensitive yet strong. Will I ever trust anyone else again? I know who I am. Do you?

You can trust me.......

Love,
Janette

Can you hear me dad...

2011-12-20T16:34:00.000-08:00

For 13 years I've had the privilege to celebrate Christmases with you.... You were an amazing dad, father-in-law to me, gradpa to your gorgeous gradkids, father to Anthony always -- he misses you so even if he doesn't say it I feel it. How can I do this Christmas without you?

I got all emotional today not being able to buy a gift for you & watch you open it up as you always got so happy like a little kiddo awaiting what it could be. It's not any different then anticipating joy in my kids faces & they mean the world to me. So did you. Your smile would let me know you liked what I got. No words needed to be exchanged, except how you cleared your throat while getting a little glossy eyed, so humbled that we thought about you & then just your power hugs that nearly squished my lungs would be my confirmation of your gratefulness. You were amazing. Do you know that?

God I miss you!! I miss those hugs. There are no words to describe what I feel right now. Even though you are Anthony's dad, you imprinted onto my heart like my own father & I miss you every day, especially when I have my cup of coffee in the mornings. I talk to you do you know that? I sit in your spot at the kitchen island on the days I miss you the most & can't shake it off... waiting for your nudge & then I smile. I can almost hear you say "you decided to sit in my spot today did ya?" It rings in my ears like a calming melody.... your voice.

Perhaps it is silly I am so emotional as it will be 2 years in May that you are gone... but your presence is felt always. You are so missed especially at this time of the year.

Sometimes I ask you a question hoping I will hear something ..... anything. I see a twinkle in the room and I immediately think it's you. The kids talk to you too. They tell you they love you all the time & how much they miss you and they carry that flat extreeme grandpa Darcy got for us everywhere. Do you know that you have been to all their games, concerts & award ceremonies?

They ask you to join them in photos I take of them and there are countless orbs we have in so many pics. We hope it's you.

We have you in tons of framed photographs we admire and today of all days -- especially an emotional day for me, Kendra finally finished a snowflake she's been working on for a while. She said, It's finally done mom. Let's hang it on the tree for grandpa. I nearly choked on my tears.

We put it onto your frame we admire daily in your library room you enjoyed so much and where we lite a candle for your eternal peaceful journey.

The truth is -- you have never left. You are still here. We feel you, we sense you & we speak of you. We talk to you, we talk about you, we joke, we bicker, we blame you for things broken hahaha, we ask you how we could do something when we are stuck, we ask you to help us find things you have put away, we laugh at your jokes you've told us & the memories are so cherished daily of all those stories you've told. You have taught us so much and your gentle face & your soft yet booming voice is very much missed.

When I think of you .... my tears flow like a flood gate and my heart quivers, throat swells and I cover my face with my hands for a moment as I feel an urge to burst into endless tears. I miss you more then you will ever know..... I love you dad. Can you hear me?

Love,
Janette

Thank you for the "Thank Yous" ♥

2011-12-20T06:25:00.000-08:00

Another beautiful Monday yesterday full of opportunities for the beautiful week ahead and I received another surprise in the morning.

I received a mystery flower basket that made me smile from ear to ear. Assuming at first it was from my hubby when I called the lady at Passmore's Flowers to see who sent it & her reply was the gentleman said that I would know. Ahem. Yes, of course - thank you, I said with a slight confusion, while still trying to figure it out.

It wasn't till later in the evening that I discoverred it wasn't my hubby who sent me such a beautiful flower arrangement, but he was puzzled as well. So it was still unsolved until I received a phone call from a friend of mine who whole heartedly thanked me for all that I have done for him in the year.

It is such a nice guesture and thoughtful thing to do, when people take the time to show gratitude. Thank you to all who love & appreciate me and take the time for showing me in any way. It means so much to me.

Love,
Janette

Can death be asleep when life is but a dream....

2011-12-19T09:51:00.000-08:00

Can death be sleep, when life is but a dream,

and scenes of bliss pass as a phantom by?

The transient pleasures as a vision seem,

and yet we think the greatest pain's to die.

How strange it is that man on earth should roam,

and lead a life of woe, but not forsake

his rugged path; nor dare he view alone

his future doom which is but to awake.

John Keats

Sometimes - we get surprises when we least expect them. I appreciate & absolutely love all the surprises my babe sends/ gives me. They may not happen very often but when they do, they leave an imprint.... He knows how much I love poetry. xox

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo - Trilogy remake

2011-12-18T16:02:00.000-08:00

Best trilogy I've seen in a very long time. Saw the original 3 few months ago with Ewa Troling. Looking forward to this new one to hit the screens.

Starring Rooney Mara

Your life is YOUR life ♥

2011-12-15T08:11:00.000-08:00

Somehow this makes sense, even though it makes sense every day, every day is different & challenging to swallow these words & savour each letter. It always has yet today, rainy as it is... sad as I was yesterday.... my life is my life.

Your life is your life, don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission.

Be on the watch.

There are ways out.

There is a light somewhere.

It may not be much light but it beats the darkness.

Be on the watch.

The gods will offer you chances.

Know them.

Take them.

You can’t beat death but, you can beat death in life, sometimes.

And the more often you learn to do it, the more light there will be.

Your life is your life.

Know it while you have it.

You are marvelous

The gods wait to delight in you.

- by Charles Bukowski

Laughing Heart ♥

I love Mondays....

2011-11-29T09:10:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the "thank yous" I'm feeling so blessed to have the opportunity to share my talents with the world. It makes my heart full of joy to receive such beautiful thank you card with the work I do on it. Arriving on a Monday it totally made my day -- maybe even the week.

Meet Tyler. One of the cutest little boys I know.

Humans get scared when you are nice to them...

2011-11-23T14:17:00.000-08:00

I will never alter who I am & what I do for others. Nobody knows nor do I need the world to know what I do in my private time, but sharing this story chokes me up even today.

** I was Toronto bound about 10 years ago and just bought a muffin & a coffee leaving the hospital after visiting my sister. It was winter. I saw a homeless man on the corner of the street & he looked very cold trying to cover himself with a ratty old blanket & my heart just dropped, as it always does when I see people less fortunate. I went over to him, kneeled and handed him my coffee & muffin and said "here sir, please take this I'd like you to have it" and he looked at me, cautiously only to ask "why are you being so nice to me." I will never forget that & how that made me feel. His gentle yet tired & worn face stared at me for a minute as our eyes connected at which point I felt this person's life & his hardships. It changed me at the core & the way I saw society through this man's eyes. I had no instant answer for him as my throat swelled & I was pushing back tears. Then, I told him my sister almost died & that I understand people a lot more then people understand me. Really, I just wanted to give him a big hug because he sees & has thousands of people walk by each day. He smiled, took my coffee & muffin and said "God bless"** This is just a single one of my many stories & experiences. Each one is unique and special & most importantly a message for me and me alone to decipher and understand, to ultimately shape my core.

Every time I think of that precise moment & how it made me feel I cannot help but to push back tears. There are so many homeless people on this planet & I wish I could do more to help them. As my friends and family know for many years I've been wanting so badly to open up a shelter & a soup kitchen to care for & feed the hungry. World Vision has contributed my share of donations over the course of 7 years while I helped 3 separate families & urged others to donate as Albert my late father-in-law did too. I cannot help to think about the life these people live, hungry, cold & lonely. Judged by society, ignored like trash...... it just breaks my heart. This year I'm going down the streets and handing out blankets & will take anyone who wants to come with me.

I just feel that somehow, my work is not done & my purpose is higher then I know it. Do we really need to win millions to make our dreams come true? I don't dream for fancy things, I dream & wish to make our world a better place especially through the eyes of the homeless. But - that is only my wish.

Photo not taken by me.

My Photography Love Affair

2011-10-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

I’ve been taking photos for over ten years. Fell in love with nature when I was a very young little girl - while butterflies, June bugs, snails, birds, slithery worms and even ants fascinated me. I played for hours with each and every little bug I could capture and touch, inspecting its details.

It wasn’t until I got older I realized my passion for nature can be expressed and captured through the lens of my camera. Landscapes, trees and all the colourful flowers and nature surrounding us are right at my fingertips. This of course involves all seasons including the bitter cold, which is beautiful on its own right down to the amazing frost crystals on our windows which I love to take shots of with my macro lens.

The day I did my very first photo-shoot, I knew I found something I will never let go of. Not only I get to capture such special events for people, the energy and excitement for them to be in a photo-shoot is written all over their faces, I get to be part of their memories.

For me, it is a love affair. A love affair with the concept of being there feeling, seeing, laughing with all their excitement of what they feel even if it is only for an hour. I compare it to a love affair, because it never happens again. Each experience is unique and different and leaves me with a different memory. Wedding photographers must get that same rush & absolutely feel the same way with the one main difference. They get to experience it for many hours at a time and sometimes more shoot are involved such as engagement shoots so they get to know the people on a much deeper level. I capture a moment that cannot be explained only felt at the present time and I have an hour two tops with these people.

I love taking photos. It is part of my soul, my calling if one might call it that. I capture what I’ve been told Godly moments of energy and presence with lighting and sunshine radiance. I capture these because it takes an eye to see a certain light, reflection, twinkle in the eye or that special secret smile in child that only comes out in the purest joy felt. There is never another moment like it. Each is special in it's own way. My photography is only one half of my work, the other is editing. Most of my photos are augmented by tweaking the contrast, curves and I do a lot of layering by cropping blinked eyes or a smile to make it fit with the rest in a group shot. It takes hours upon hours to give people the final product but it’s work worth every drop of sweat and even worth every moments of doubt & self frustration. I love all of it. It allows me to learn and grow and learn something new each day.

Finally, I’m so blessed I have the opportunity to build my many friendships while I capture people’s special moments. I'm a social butterfly anyways so for me it's easy to speak with people and find something in common. For the most part, my clients who are or have become my friends, these people encourage me in furthering my career in what I love to do and praise me for the work I do and results I give them. Most of the time it is just from the small sneak peeks I give on Facebook. It feels so nice to be appreciated. In the end I walk away feeling satisfied I gave something back, while they give me something a price cannot be attached to. They don’t even realize that for me the most precious thing was the opportunity to share a moment in their lives, even if it was only for an hour.

Thank you~ to all of you who believe in me and encourage me. ♥

Oh Baby...

2011-10-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

I haven't been this full of joy and pure love since the birth of my own children. I haven't spoken with my sister for few months as her hormones were all over the place hence being pregnant and we haven't got along the best over the course of well -- forever. I miss her so much actually but she'll never truly know that. Learning she gave birth I went to the hospital to see her and meet my little nephew, who is just so precious.

Meet my little nephew. "Happy Birthday"

Seeing him for the first time brought back so many precious memories for me that were comparable to the first time I met my sister when I was six years old. This cute little bundle of joy pulled at my heartstrings and made me tear up ultimately melting my world. Her lips were identical, heart shaped little gum drops, cute little button nose and everything about him reminds me of her. It took me about a week to pull myself together after seeing her and meeting junior, because I would love nothing more then to have the opportunity to see him more often.

Due to the privacy that my sis explicitly asked me to maintain & not post any photos of her baby in my portfolio & on the net -- so I am unable to share with the world how adorable he actually is, but those cute little lips are far from breaking the rules. I love him so much & he makes me smile from my heart. ♥

Spiritual Oneness

2011-08-23T06:43:00.000-07:00

"Materialism grounds you. Reach for the light, for the knowledge resides in the consciousness of your higher self."  These are the words I woke up to. Who said them? I was alone sleeping and yet I head them clear as day.

I question the significance of our guardian angels and their spiritual meaning in our life and lately I'm becoming more aware that it may in fact be ourselves who guide us along this human journey. There is a being much more aware and much more powerful then this fragile human fleshy one, allowing us to experience all we are here to experience on Earth. It watches and guides us to where we are going and perhaps what we all came here to learn. It is us residing in a higher dimension of our consciousness and universal awareness.

We are creatures of the light, energy, electricity and such great power. People so easily forget where they come from, blinded by the nature of the Earthly possessions, colour, sounds, tastes and the feeling of tangible objects. It's all fake and I know why I dislike it so much.

For me, all I've ever wished is to return home. A home I know is awaiting me and yet I know it's not a home like we all imagine. This home is me with God and myself in another dimension of awareness and collective consciousness and I so crave and yearn to feel whole again. It is an indescribable feeling inside my heart and soul that pangs to reunite with the light. I feel the energy surge in my vivid dreams, I feel it when I stare into the sunset, feeling the wind in my face and dirt on my hands.

I've never felt like I belong here yet I know I have something to learn in this fleshy matter just as I've made the choice to be here.  Life is beautiful. I've accepted that much a while back and my journey has become a little more comfortable over the years. Questioning what that learning is has never stopped however. The yearning for oneness is always there and lately with the time lapses and time itself speeding up, I feel strange for writing this - but I feel the time of the merge is near.

The knowledge I seek through meditation, deep sleep conversations I have with beings have allowed me to feel and see so much more clearly then I ever imagined. Lately, I have felt overwhelmed and suffocated by the pollution of this planet by the energy vampires who suck you dry and leave you shaking, drained, helpless gasping for air. I've seen it in the changes of people and their od behaviours and felt the impact of the hate from people called siblings. I continuously become part of the vicious circle I fear and it's a constant battle to break away.

My destiny awaits me with each powerful second I use my will to choose. Material things don't exist. They are just another form of energy, transformed into a tangible object of our imagination. If you believe, you will create - whatever that is individually. However, people don't believe until something significant makes them believe, whatever that is.

These books on enlightenment, powerful of law of attraction, the secret itself has been known since the beginning of time and yet we are still here in our fleshy matter, some are rich flaunting their assets, some are poor and starving and some just don't care. Some seek fame and money while others remain quiet, yet aware with the higher knowledge poor or rich. Why is our planet consuming us. This beautiful planet we all chose to come to and experience life on.

So why don't we all live in mansions, drive expensive cars, flaunt our million dollar bills?  Isn't that what the entire human race wants?  Have I lost my faith in people? I hope not, because faith is the only gift that resides in each and every one of us, that is from the spiritual being we all call God.

For now - I'll just trust that what I heard was a confirmation of my higher self for my recent conscious choices to let go of the tangible and reach for the light and that I am in fact on the right path.

Peace to all~

Tearing down the walls…

2011-08-11T14:36:00.000-07:00

I found myself at the bottom of the deep dark oasis pit the other day when my eyes flooded with tears and my heart engorged with blood from the gashing wounds of the years’ endured pain, heartaches, broken friendship, betrayal from family, deaths, the dealings society seems to bombard us humans with and oh so much more.

There has to be a point in everyone’s life when we feel there isn’t possibly anything that can hurt us anymore as we build walls to guard our heart. But there is. Just when you may feel the slightest comfort on a way up from the bottomless pits of hell, reaching for the light that makes you feel light and peaceful, at ease fully believing that all will be well again as we cling to hope, something out of the darkness grabs you by the leg and pulls you right down again. I’m so tired. It’s an endless roller-coaster ride that I want so badly to get off.

The society causes people to be vicious, manipulative, poisonous greedy little liars and I’m sick of it. People think I’m strong all the time, I’m not. I break like everyone else. I’m not a superwoman. I eat kryptonite for breakfast every day.

My life has been challenging, full of endured hardships of life’s experiences. Is this what makes us blend with society on the other end’s spectrum? I had an abusive father and watched him destroy my childhood as we bravely escaped my country at my pre-teens and landed in a foreign country refugee camp for 6 months.

Coming to Canada was a blessing but before I could count my blessings I had to learn English & take the punches of bullies calling me names & making fun of me. Standing for myself became empowering, although scarring memories have remained.

At the end of my teenage years, gone through 2 failed relationships, a start to a spiritual awakening and a series of flooding memories and nightmares from my past at the same time nearly broke me. “Why am I on Earth?” was my only question I wanted answered.

I pursued a college decision and followed through, not really knowing how and why I just kind of floated on a daily basis for the next two years nearly graduating with honours, while being stuck with a huge student loan and no job.

When I finally scored a decent job I met my now husband. Life became a little happier. Until the decision of moving in changed my life forever.

I got married couple of years later and remained with my husband loyal to his widowed father to take care of him. The father, who in the end became one of my most important and kindest father figure for me passed away after nearly 13 wonderful years we all shared under the same roof. Yeah, life was challenging at times but the lessons I’ve learned from this elderly man are invaluable.

In the end, after the care we provided for this wonderful man, ultimately altering our married life became turmoiled in an estate battle between my husband and his two elder siblings along with my own sibling who stabbed us with words one cannot fathom. Why? Because they don’t like me and because they are ashamed of not standing up to hold their own to be there for their father perhaps. It astounds me what delusions people live by and to what levels they stoop to in order to make themselves feel better. How powerful is society to influence humans?

Would I do it all over again with the same decisions, knowing the people who are in my life would betray me, stab me into my back while asleep, cause me so much grief that it chokes me on a daily basis while poison is spread across the multitude of those foul beings I am disprivileged calling my extended family. Yes, absolutely. Why? Because I do believe greater lessons are meant to be learned for everyone involved.

Perhaps for me as well as those foul beings I speak of – while I realized one important thing. I’m nearly a conduit for the greater lessons that must be learned. I myself am the path to the knowledge I seek through me and my strength, courage and endurance that I barely have left, I hang onto a slight beam of light that guides me to an inkling for just a sliver of the wonderful peace where all knowledge I seek is known and all pain I feel is healed.

I keep going. I don’t know how – I just do.
My kids are so smart and beautiful and although still young they comfort me. I thank them daily I’m here to see their faces, even though motherhood alone is so challenging & draining I do my best to be the best. I know why I was born.

I continue to create my little creative pieces, sometimes I please a being who tells me they love my work and that my art has affected their life in a positive way, and that makes me smile and warms my heart.
At the end of the day my walls do come crashing down only for me to rebuild them every day all over again, to protect myself from the harm that could be coming my way. I’m stuck in a circle of endless pain and foresight I cannot escape from those who betrayed me, my husband, my children and family.

What makes it that much more unreal is that it is actually family who betrayed us. I’m stuck in nightmares, awaking with nausea, feeling this cannot possibly be real. Questioning why? Can people actually have such animosity towards another human being, blinding them with such evil that they are capable of such horrid things?

I began to question the unquestionable. It’s so not like me to question, yet I know with questions only answers will follow sooner or later.

What doesn’t break us only makes us stronger. My belief in the higher power only grows higher. My belief in the goodness, fairness and justice only grows deeper, while my soul grows on all levels possible.
So this morning for the first time in a long time – I’m tearing down the walls. Peace~

Stronger

2011-08-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

Through all this my darkest year

Revealed is my most sacred fear

That I would fail myself, not all

Yet stronger am I in abyss fall

Alone in Pain

2011-06-13T16:39:00.000-07:00

The pain that envelopes your entire soul

As it reaches to the depths of the core

Of your solitude in darkest abyss

Where only you can see

With heartbeats amiss

Only to reveal....

This path is yours alone

Impostors

2011-04-18T16:47:00.000-07:00

Frozen in time unable to feel

Naive to hear, touch nor see

Soon we are not who we are

Bound to be completely free

Why have the years gone by?

Oblivious we are they disappear

Blanketed delusions within us lie

Creating facades from our fear

Walking, seeing and hearing cries

Of those distant voices who call

In the shadows of our existence

Getting up to try again we fall

Folding hands from dirty laundry

When desire bubbles in our core

For items to build broken dreams

Yearning we wish forever more

Impostors exist within our mirrors

Reflecting beings we do not know

Defiant souls who crave but fame

To continue waves of greedy flow

The hearts are beating to a rhythm

As the Earth echoes cries of plead

Revive love and mostly consider

Respectfully equal we do all bleed

Abundance lives in air we breathe

It is not too late remove the mask

Although kind cautiously do step

Each fulfilling your mortal task

Awaiting

2011-03-11T16:49:00.000-08:00

She lands the shore barefoot poor

No food, nor roof not even a door

Her soul open free to heavens gate

As angels sing she has met her fate

Sun gently rises she feels no shame

To set foot on land that calls her name

Her heart quivers joy she has never felt

To see eyes of a man she has never met

Spirits connect as he takes her hand

To rejoice together on brand new land

Though exhausted weary weak she falls

His love he carries with dreadful howls

Wishing final wish upon a falling star

To bear her broken cross living so afar

Upon his knees he falls God mercy show

His tears bathe her face his head a bow

As two fools on a lifeline await a time

Loving and yearning is their only crime

East bound she ponders with a glance

Soul free in a body of tranquil stance

It was only a dream oh so ever sweet

As she looks down to see her bare feet

God's glory unveiled a forgiven past

In the flight of light to be free at last

Awaken

2011-02-20T16:44:00.000-08:00

Soulful tone feeds my heart

Yearning for zest and desire

Miles has gone the lust apart

To spark again a burning fire

New and tangy like lemon pie

Is my tongue's recent flavour

Unbound wings stretch to fly

Awaken am I by new favour

Gracious glory shines above

These extremities do not exist

I fly again like newborn dove

Fulfilling chores on my list

Renewed essence anticipated

Day of brand new revelation

Revealed to me who awaited

The one celestial translation

Rainbow

2011-01-29T16:51:00.000-08:00

Gazing into the heaven

I see only your face

Longing for your touch

Held in an embrace

Colourful enchantments

Gentle soul you have

So unaware we are both

For unveiling love

I caught a rainbow today

And placed it in a jar

Only to release it one day

For the bridge afar

Across all oceans and seas

I whisper your name

Do you feel me as I you?

Are you and I same?

Under this rainbows gate

We connect in dreams

Unknown is but our fate

Only our spirit hears

Sound of hues’ harmony

Colours of my bliss

Sealed is our but journey

Our love with a kiss

by Janette Dengo

The Paradox

2011-01-17T16:52:00.000-08:00

Chained onto the mystery
Unravelling its links
For the dead end road
While foundation sinks

Who told my heart to beat

And once again I ask

Dreaming in the alchemy

Upending is this task

Pursued in rebel with lust

Bound by the agencies

Who commend in deceit

On vast inconsistencies

In forbidden sweetness

Long are we beaten

Awaiting but our destiny

Still sour crop is eaten

Dark water is swallowed

By a sheltered bold fox

In life he wallowed

To believe the paradox

Solitude

2011-01-04T16:54:00.000-08:00

Fused one earth they share
Yet alone they stand
Inhaling this hot universal air
Year upon year unbent are the words
They must hear inside

Catching wishes with a net

Mended from the holes

One shall be granted soon I bet

Alone again in the quiet dream

As they hide their faces

Resolution awakens within

Bound by rising tides

To relive, laugh and feel free

It echoes in their hearts pending burst

Eventually giving way

Like a firefly seeking a night

Resting wings so broken

Yet committed to take a flight

So unspoken within is their solitude

In undertaken journeys

Colours

2010-11-03T13:59:00.000-07:00

In the darkest nights
Of shady BLACK Awaking is my soul with lack
To inhale, breathe deeply and live
It yearns and burns with desire on fire
Only simply love to give

Dreaming am I inside your heart
Upon your candle lit bed
Petals of most glorious roses
Connect our blood the color RED
Only you on my mind running unveiled
So free spirited and naked
Of fantasies in my head

I lay there whispering your name
One divinity we are of undying flame
Wanting your heat anything but tame
In secret thoughts of deepest desires
In blazing heat of fires
Wild and absolutely free
Oh release into me

My hot breath in your ear gently whispers
Come to me, come to me my love inside
Deeper and deeper to taste my core
Savour and nibble forever more
Eating your way through
To a place called home

A place where served are the finest dishes
Simmered with care and to perfection
With the most sacred craving and yearning wishes
Deep below the surface of a wishing well
Is a place only you know so well

My last wishing coin I cast
With my might for light
To unite us at last
And as two coins
Of SILVER and GOLD
Are blending to become one
In divinity of celestial mould

We are at last merging
Perhaps not even aware how deep
Our spirits together are surging
Into unity of electric BLUE
Magnetic is the force
This colourful enchanted hue
Never again forlorn
Never again to feel alone

Of sweetest harmony our spirit dances
In both our eyes and in deepest glances
As our hearts are swiftly in hope beating
While enchanted melody romances
And these our bodies are heating
In degrees beyond human touch
How I do adore you
Oh so much

Perhaps lusting we are, yet oh so trusting
In a misty valley of our emerald GREEN fields
Lives a place where we connected
It is where our love forever yields
Onto each other, in this union
Of mother and father
Ying and yang
Female and male
In the beautiful balance
Under elemental veil
Lives a fairytale

We lay on shores of our desert beach
Famished are we both as we reach
Gazing upon the stars so mellow
You did paint them for me YELLOW
I thank you love for your loving gift
And I run to you so swift
Floating above this holy ground
In a higher dimension so profound

Tranquil seconds are exchanged
In this our world so deranged
And still are the grains
Of light BEIGE sands
Our hourglass
In silence stands

Inviting you into my chalice PINK
This core and womb you speak and seek
I give you freely do drink my love
Taste it and fulfill your crave
Quench your thirsty rave
After all here lays only I
Bare naked and free
I am yours only to save thee

In the ecstasy and rapture
Our bodies reach to capture
As they flow in beat to the heat
Yet untouched and still is our delicate sweat
Dripping of moans in a mild peaceful chill
Of these dreamy delicious world so wet
I caress you with my angelic quill

After a serene PURPLE rain
This drenching pouring fantastic day
Soaked not only our bodies together sway
But invigorating is our spirit
So refreshed and revived
As we both survived

Touch my face with both your hands
Kiss my CRIMSON lips and RUBY mind
Feel my fruits so ripen
Taste the ORANGE below my rind
For the cross I bear to leave behind

Underneath is a soul waiting to dance
In a bit of flair and in secret romance
For eternity ready is my rainbow of colors
To be flavoured and savoured
By the one and only
Just as me
So lonely

Frozen I was
In a state of GREY
Surrounded by icy shards
My perfect aces trumped long ago
By these living mortal cards

You found me through the murky clouds
Unveiled my darkest heavy shrouds
Discovered so muddy
In the earthen BROWN Our elemental womb
Of mother ground
I was lost once
Now am found

In this one spectacle of colors
This fantastic rainbow arch of hue
Unveiled is my purest love
The one, which belongs to you

Oh, my darling at last I am living
Even if only in this state giving
In this one poetic affair
Yet faithful in a delicate flair
Melting is my flower in heat
Beating to your beat
Only you understand and speak
What can only be envisioned
And what I truly seek

To live in this world as a toy
Love you do bring me
Truest joy
It feels so right
My one and only
Dove of purest WHITE

Broken

2010-10-04T13:46:00.000-07:00

Undying love blooms within my soul
Energized by heartbeats pounding whole
A gash has been departed into this beating
Heart loosing its stability with heat depleting

Wound from a warrior this hero for mankind
Love within him is larger then humans find
Leaving me decaying in devoid of his love
Into blindness flying is my lonely dove

To infinite pieces my gentle heart shattered
Under garments skin torn, burning is tattered
Release and fly he whispered do live to be free
Do soar high living like an angel yet without me

Good-bye so sudden I would not have expected
Within the stream of love we silently projected
Although I am quite skilled this clarity sense
My broken wings frozen with final glance

Unable to speak garrotting throat swollen
The music once heard lays silent and solemn
Soulful friend is missing as you clearly became
Residual ash in dust lingers from departed flame

My glorious soul cries, so exhausted from giving
How will I continue with trusting and go on living
Remembering your echoes of sweetest realm
Still transmitting eternal love, serene calm

Broken in the tears that now freely flow
Dying my soul breaks into a disbursing glow
In mankind living one ring, repetitive teaching
Reborn into lifetimes with our endless reaching

Showing, unfolding and many others healing
One love brightly shines it is so appealing
Do take it over and over I freely endow
My spirit radiant as my head in a bow

Moment of silence within divine power
As we remember to embrace in quiet hour
Fear is your illusion my hand was extended
Hoping this love was anything but pretended

May angels watch over you in the highest glory
For thy essence to flourish without any worry
I hope you discover in light what you seek
Finding healing inside yourself so meek

Thank you for the time we have shared
Genuine my heart with absolution I cared
Please don't visit or speak, do not ever ask
Empty is this life vessel along with dried flask

Drunken by wine of chalice, your core fulfilled
Tree of life dried, thirsty for love you spilled
Famished with hunger I lay down my head
In bed of thorns bleeding blood of red

Red Dragon

2010-09-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

Deep in depths of souls
Below the darkest veils
Behind lost secret gates
In chambers of our veins

Dim flicker can be seen
Candles ends celebration
Fading within a shadow
As awaiting illumination

Home of fire red dragon
In darkness of catacombs
He who holds our captive
Most our bloody wounds

Seldom are they released
To surface for true mend
As others reach to stroke
Extended a loving hand

Fearful have we become
In trusting another so free
Blindly walking the halls
So jaded the truth to see

Yet noble warriors we are
Each with private wound
Seeking place of serenity
Within a mothers' womb

Silent are these prisoners
Pining glorious resolution
Yet cries are heard within
For day of new absolution

Love will heal all lesions
If you only believe it will
Trusting this one divinity
There is not a healing pill

Red dragon breathes fire
Still do not fear his roar
He is merely a protector
Of the souls radiant core

Once upon a dream

2010-08-25T14:08:00.000-07:00

My heart is swiftly beating
In the magical seconds
Encapsulated glory
In warmth of fires heating
I feel no worry
Yet hear a sound
Chanting and drumming
Of ancient warriors
Humming so profound
Yet a soulful tone
And I no longer feel alone

Dancing in midnight hours
Under naked heaves
Around vast blazing fire
Flickering with reach
Towards the cosmic stars
With passion

In heated moment
From within depth of desire
For only you
My sweet dream

The hot coals and embers
Glow brilliantly bright
Like gemstones
Illuminating my heart
And its thousands of chambers
We gaze into the flame
Dancing our dance
Of mesmerized
Serene trance
Oneness of fame

In this dreamy state
With needs to be transferred
We are hypnotized
Beyond dimensions
By our undying loyal fate
Into a single most exquisite
Moment in time
Of zero
I reveal to myself
In this ballad of rhyme

I am standing
In front
Of the burning blaze
My hand to you
Am handing
In this dreamy haze
Do take it my love
It fits your heart
As it always has
Perfect lovers glove
Never to be apart
Once lost
Yet found
In this dream
So profound

Only coverlet of fur
Is touching the ground
Draped over my body
With bare shoulders
Exposed fully is my soul
Welcoming you
Into me
To again feel whole
My golden hair long
Moves ever so gently
In the sweet breeze
Of lavender
And jasmine scents

You approach me
From behind you show
Firmly wrapping
Your strong hands
Around my waist
As I am fully aglow
You are so tender
Drawing me close
Closer to your body
And your soul
Blankets mine
I entirely surrender
In this dream alchemy
Of soulful time

In this liberty
Of delicate goose bumps
We feel no fear
Peace and serenity
Lays in the warmth
Wiping loves tear
While the only thing
Moving within
Are the waves of bliss
Energy surging from one
And back to the other
Without a miss
Intertwining
Blending
Celebrating life

And your firm body
Feels hot
Yet your soul even hotter
As if on fire
We burst to scatter
With a needful crave
To dive into our oasis
You begin kissing my neck
With a gentle peck
I shiver
In rapture
Keeping the dream safe
With silky ribbons
Holding to it in capture

I turn around
You to face
We gaze into Oneness
In a blaze so intense
Of lovers embrace
And my sparkly
Earth coloured eyes
Connect with yours
As the reflection
Of flames
Dances within them
Until break of day
Shines in sunrise

I reach the other side
Of your safe haven
We gaze
Upon each other
For millennia
Savouring the gift
We are given
Through this rift
This moment in time
Once upon a dream
Feeling the hot breath
Of the other
In silent ecstasy scream
As it floats up
Disappearing
Into darkness of the night
Sizzling in searing

Our bodies firm
Against each other
As if one entity
So closely connected
It is beyond magnitude
Of existence
And ability
Our two hearts
Beat in harmony
As they should in heat
And as they once did
Again at last
To a unison beat

We gently moisten our lips
Awaiting with anticipation
A lover's tender kiss
With passion
Craving and yearning
Of thousand lifetimes
Summoned
Evoked
All in one burning
We, we

Suddenly awake!