The pages are still blank, but there is a miraculous feeling of the words being there, written in invisible ink and clamoring to become visible. ~Vladimir Nabakov

Monday, January 16, 2012

Puppy Love - Taking a chance - Broken Hearts

That was EASY.   They call it puppy love.

It’s a love that you feel for another entity, be it an animal or a human.  It’s a feeling that feels good, light and absolutely normal.  For the love to grow, you soon find yourself questioning deeper feelings and seeking a mutual connection if it’s with a human.

It isn't any different then a dog.  You feed it, walk it, nurture it, play with it and watch it grow.  Love is the same.  Why can’t it just stay puppy love?  Because the dog grows up, that's why.

I’ve recently had my heart crushed.  This is the second time around within a year for me especially in my adult years, and although it should not feel this heavy, it does.   This was just puppy love, but I haven’t had to feel these feelings for over 16 years.  It was still in it's young stage, undeveloped fully and before it could it was ripped away.  You wake up in the middle of the night with a sickening feeling that cannot be explained, wondering what you did wrong.  Questioning your every thought, move, word written... could I possibly have done or said something?

I can see how the opposite sex does this with the future outlook for seeking a partner and if no commonalities are found, the break up happens.  It's normal.  However when it happens between two females, there is something almost sickening about it.  You wreck your brains over and over with what went wrong.  Then after much meditating and guidance, you realize it isn't you after all who did this.  Accepting things that don't make sense is one of the hardest things.

I've come to realize that even between friends, there is a certain level and a degree of attraction to the individual, be it opposite sex or platonic level.  It's a normal way of being attracted to some and not others.  After all, some men only seek the beautiful people on the outside and not on the inside and soon find themselves ditching those broads too.  While others seen the beauty within & those are most of the time lasting relationships. 

What is it about a person that prevents them on taking a chance?  Let it be on getting a puppy or opening up their heart to the world.

I took a chance.  Not only have I had 2 dogs in my life now, I watched one succumb into cancer and as his needle was injected to fade the sparkle in his eyes - he died right in my arms.   The pain I felt was indescribable.  Why would I subject myself to that type of pain again?  I got another dog a year later.  

It takes patience, time and commitment to care and nurture these incredible animals to feel their love and loyalty back.  They are amazing.  They give you comfort and a certain amount of peace while petting them curled up by a fireplace.  They know when you are sad or down, they sense danger and warn you.  Animals aren't that different from people & friends.  They are our companions and for the most part I think a dog just like a true friend can be equally loyal.  Friends are people who are open to communicate, feel, express & mutually contribute into the friendship only for it to blossom.

I took a chance on love.  I've had my heart & soul crushed my my biological father and yet I took few chances on boy friends who didn't last and one final one on my amazing husband.  You have to. Otherwise you'll end up alone & empty.

Not knowing if there are mutual feelings from people and developing friendships, we continuously take chances.  I took a chance to express my care and appreciation even though my heart got bashed.  Will that ever stop me.  Never.

Why can't humans be more like dogs?

I’ve been recently told that friends, people, us - we are disposable.  We all are.  Well, I for one refuse to believe that.  It is totally apparent that people are disposable to certain individuals then they are to others, by people's actions, reaction and conduct.  Lack of belief in their friends and in themselves.  These are shallow people who hold little respect towards mankind & the beauty of something far from tangible.

I am not disposable.  Never will be.  I matter, and I know I mean something huge to those who matter to me and make me feel loved & cared for.  Just like I would never get rid of a dog that grew up and got in a way of my lifestyle even if it's at times tempting.  If people could treat & cherish their friendships like they do their bellowed pets or children, and vice-versa, there would be a lot less heartache in the world.

Is it better to be the dumper or the dumpee?  I don't know how many times I've asked myself that.  Being dumped by half a dozen times in my life.  Yeah, it sucks but I learned from those situations too and they shaped me into who I am today.  I've only dumped twice.  I've been the dumpee not because I cannot make a decision if to stay in a relationship let it be an ex-boyfriend or friend, but because I find attributes in everyone and focus on those.   I do my best to always see positivity in everyone.  I never take the easy ways  out.  

I find dumpers are strong willed people who know what they want and don't want.  I also find that those individuals are people who make impulse decisions.  In some ways they are brave but cowards to communicate on a respectable level to another human & to give closure to those who seek it.  That delete key is just so darn “easy” isn’t it?  Just like Staples - "that was easy" 

"Go ahead - press it."

Whatever it is that scares people to run rather than accept a genuine means of friendships from another human is beyond my comprehension.  Humans, we are all cute, cuddly puppies, wanting to be loved.  Perhaps people are threatened by the vision of outgrowing the puppy years and that one day we grow up to be a strong, fast, amazing animal unafraid of anyone and anything.  A dog that his/her bark is much bigger than the bite.  

Puppy love exists in those and for those who have a heart & are capable to feel something amazing with their soul.  Period!  Those who don’t, can’t even fathom and appreciate the cuteness that exists in an animal’s eye, the innocence and basic nature of just to feel safe & be loved.  These are the kind of people who get a puppy and when it grows up, it’s not cute and cuddly anymore, they are annoyed by it, don't have the time to play with it or pick up after it & they just simply get rid of it.  Shame on them.

Life is not a staple's button and neither is love.

There is no command on the keyboard to reverse the decision of delete.  The damage is done so why would there be one in life?  Forgiveness and apology are the only means of healing and moving on.

Enjoy life and be happy.  Love people and once in a while take a chance.



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